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Jero is instructing his young pupil Alexander...
"By striking this shiny rock with this dull rock we create a spark. We want the spark to land on this ball of shredded cotton."
Alexander put his hand below where a spark would land. He snatched it back reflexively, not realizing until a split second later that there was now a small burn on the heel of his palm.
"Does the cotton feel the pain?"
"The cotton is a gift from the gods so we can create fire, just like the cotton is a gift to us, having no feeling is the gods' gift to the cotton."
"Are people the only ones who have pain?"
Jero knew where the mischievous boy's thoughts were going. "No Alexander, all animals feel pain, so never try to set fire to one... ever"
******
Alexander is instructing his son Alexander II
"and the cat will run like crazy with this flaming brand attached to it's tail. If you throw it over a city wall it will set alight all the thatched roofs, making it easier for us to take over."
"Doesn't the cat feel pain?" Alexander II said with a small tear forming.
"Better one cat than 100 Greeks. Besides, these Egyptians revere cats, they will make sure nothing happens."
Alexander and some other soldiers set torches alight. A second platoon hurls jugs of Greek fire over the city walls with a catapult. Interesting concoction that, the Egyptians would probably assume it was water.
"The other benefit to cats, my boy, is that they always land on their feet." Alexander loaded one into a catapult. "Even when we fling them 100 yards into Thebes!" With that his bronze sword cut the release rope and the cat went flying through the air, hitting the royal palace with a splat.
The cat didn't move. A servant came running out and upon seeing the cat she bowed down and began to cry. A royal personage came out next and cut the flaming brand from the cat's tail.
"Dad? Is that Ramses?"
"Looks to be son, I wonder what he'll do with that torch."
Ramses threw it into the streets at what he thought was a puddle, while the catapult went off again with a payload of more cats.
"Dad?"
"Yes son."
"I think I know why they call it a CAT-apult"
"Son?"
"Yes Dad?"
"That is the worst joke ever, never say that again."
******
Alexander the 56th is playing with his friends.
Jep, a friend who grew up in the Egyptian neighborhood of Athens is holding a small silver gadget.
"Watch what happens when I spray this axle lubricant over it."
"What happens?"
Jep sprayed the lubricant over the flame, creating a four foot fireball which engulfed the soon to be king.
"A little present from my ancestor Ramses!" Jep ran off into the streets never to be seen again.
******
Alexander the disfigured was in trouble. His empire was being invaded by a new people known as the English. They came from across the sea not in boats, but in airplanes and on parachutes.
A scientist runs in to share the most recent project's success.
"Sire, this weapon has the power to destroy an entire city instantly."
"Really?"
"Yes sir, you just need give the order."
"FIRE"
*****THE END*****
"By striking this shiny rock with this dull rock we create a spark. We want the spark to land on this ball of shredded cotton."
Alexander put his hand below where a spark would land. He snatched it back reflexively, not realizing until a split second later that there was now a small burn on the heel of his palm.
"Does the cotton feel the pain?"
"The cotton is a gift from the gods so we can create fire, just like the cotton is a gift to us, having no feeling is the gods' gift to the cotton."
"Are people the only ones who have pain?"
Jero knew where the mischievous boy's thoughts were going. "No Alexander, all animals feel pain, so never try to set fire to one... ever"
******
Alexander is instructing his son Alexander II
"and the cat will run like crazy with this flaming brand attached to it's tail. If you throw it over a city wall it will set alight all the thatched roofs, making it easier for us to take over."
"Doesn't the cat feel pain?" Alexander II said with a small tear forming.
"Better one cat than 100 Greeks. Besides, these Egyptians revere cats, they will make sure nothing happens."
Alexander and some other soldiers set torches alight. A second platoon hurls jugs of Greek fire over the city walls with a catapult. Interesting concoction that, the Egyptians would probably assume it was water.
"The other benefit to cats, my boy, is that they always land on their feet." Alexander loaded one into a catapult. "Even when we fling them 100 yards into Thebes!" With that his bronze sword cut the release rope and the cat went flying through the air, hitting the royal palace with a splat.
The cat didn't move. A servant came running out and upon seeing the cat she bowed down and began to cry. A royal personage came out next and cut the flaming brand from the cat's tail.
"Dad? Is that Ramses?"
"Looks to be son, I wonder what he'll do with that torch."
Ramses threw it into the streets at what he thought was a puddle, while the catapult went off again with a payload of more cats.
"Dad?"
"Yes son."
"I think I know why they call it a CAT-apult"
"Son?"
"Yes Dad?"
"That is the worst joke ever, never say that again."
******
Alexander the 56th is playing with his friends.
Jep, a friend who grew up in the Egyptian neighborhood of Athens is holding a small silver gadget.
"Watch what happens when I spray this axle lubricant over it."
"What happens?"
Jep sprayed the lubricant over the flame, creating a four foot fireball which engulfed the soon to be king.
"A little present from my ancestor Ramses!" Jep ran off into the streets never to be seen again.
******
Alexander the disfigured was in trouble. His empire was being invaded by a new people known as the English. They came from across the sea not in boats, but in airplanes and on parachutes.
A scientist runs in to share the most recent project's success.
"Sire, this weapon has the power to destroy an entire city instantly."
"Really?"
"Yes sir, you just need give the order."
"FIRE"
*****THE END*****
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