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  • [Civ4 Story] On the Brink..

    I hope this gets others writing again. I miss the stories...

    We were losing.

    From time immemorial, the Roman Empire had been our dearest neighbour, located as it was directly between Western and Eastern Canada. Lucrative trade agreements and open borders had assured both countries would grow strong and wealthy, ensuring a high standard of living for their residents. Despite the close borders, which always were an issue in any sort of negotiations, the Roman and Canadian people shared similar religions and the challenges of living in an arid and desert environment.

    So when the Romans made threatening overtures regarding our newest sciences and even demanded gold, we foolishly rebuffed them. We knew they would be upset so we sent our polite response with an annual shipment of rice to aid them in their frequent famines and overpopulated cities. Our concerns lay in other areas. We were having issues with both the Japanese directly to the west of Sudbury, near the great dye plantations, and the Aztecs to the south. Although the Malinese were situated between ourselves and the Aztecs, the Aztecs had open border agreements with the Malinese and frequented our border areas with large mixed armies.

    Fortunately or unfortunately, dependant on your point of view, Canada had always been a country at war. Though we had never fought with our neighbours, we had battled barbarians for thousands of years. A standing army, although expensive, was a necessity to maintain the state in its fledgling years. Even the great Christian centre of Olmec was once a barbarian city, captured by the legendary 1st Quebec Division (“The Hewers”) in 200 BC. Many units had achieved, and maintained, their elite status through frequent battles with desert nomads and warriors from the Southern Jungle. It wasn’t until we were able to link up with the Egyptian empire that we finally found peace from the Barbarian aggressors to the south and east.

    That was over 200 years ago, although it only seems like yesterday, and allowed Canada to begin its renaissance. Expenditures on education and research reached its zenith, ensuring we would gain a lead over our neighbours that would never be challenged. Despite the discovery of economics by the Egyptians and their successful trade mission to Delhi, we were quickly becoming the wealthiest nation in the known world. Our military was small but efficient. Continual training ensured existing units maintained their elite status and new units effectively gained defacto veteran status.

    Canada was rich, ripe with resources and not afraid to share. Most of our trade agreements were not to our benefit. As rice, fruits and luxuries flowed to other less fortunate countries, the grand total of revenue from this was less than that generated by two of our smallest cities. We were fortunate but not greedy. War with barbarians demonstrated to us the value of having friends and peace.

    Thus when the onslaught came, we were not prepared for the ferocity nor intensity of the invasions.

    When 12 mixed Roman divisions poured across the western border of Eastern Canada, they were faced with only two divisions of troops. The Romans divisions were armed with longbows, axes, elephants and catapults. They faced only Canadian pikemen. The 3rd Petawawa Pikes positioned themselves in the hills west of Petawawa, protecting the gold mines, while the 5th Pikes prepared positions in Petawawa itself. The ball-loaded musket was still in the testing phase and had not been issued to line units, so the pikemen would be forced to endured volleys of arrows and continual barrages from the catapults. As we know, the 3rd Pikes paid in blood but exacted a tremendous toll on the Romans.

    The pikes destroyed both elephant divisions, the lone catapult support division, and a full division of axemen, before succumbing to the volleys of the Roman longbowmen, who also suffered tremendous casualties. The remaining Roman divisions positioned themselves in the hills west of Petawawa. Fortunately, all workers had been evacuated from the gold mines. The Romans satisfied themselves with plundering the gold mines while they waited for artillery support to arise.

    At the time, we did not know why the Romans only attacked towards the single city. We assumed it was to concentrate forces and keep supply lines short. In retrospect, attacking south and west would have had the potential of more plunder and less prospect for Canadian reinforcements relieving beleaguered garrisons. Now we know why – Tokugawa’s Imperial Japanese forces were on the move.

    The terrible border skirmishes of Sudbury, the destruction wreaked by Japanese marauders and the ensuing famine were offset by the valiant defense and indomitable spirit of her people. The near destruction of the 1st Canadian Knights, the 7th Sudbury Pikes, 9th Winnipeg Pikes and the 4th Support Division (Catapult) gave the Japanese a tremendous morale boost that enabled them to surround Sudbury and attempt to starve it into submission. The fact that Sudbury held was due to the raids (if full divisional assaults can be considered a raid) by the French River troops and the refusal of the decimated troops and population of Sudbury to admit defeat. As it was, the 1st Knights and 4th Support continued raiding (and devastating) Japanese forces marching against French River.

    The relief of Petawawa and the re-equipment of troops with the new muskets enabled Eastern Canada to make inroads against the Romans. In fact, the 1st Toronto Musketeers set the doctrine (and the standard) for the speed unique Canadian Musket divisions.

    The ability to re-equip (the Torontonians had been a pike unit) and re-arm on the move, the manoeurability of heavily armed yet unarmored troops, and rigid physical fitness regimens undertaken by the Torontonians set the standard for all musketeer units, ensuring Canadian Musketeers would be faster (twice as fast in fact) and thus more combat capable then normal musket units. This speed, coupled with the outrage over the devastation and famine wrought upon the Sudburians, ensured the Romans were kept off balance. Soon, Ravenna fell and Cumae was under siege. When the 1st Quebec Maces became the 1st Quebec Elite Musketeers, they quickly decimated the two Longbow Divisions and single Mace-equipped division of the Cumae garrison. Their tactics (night fighting, thin skirmish/firing lines, aimed shots) formed the base curriculum to be taught at West Point being constructed in Winnipeg (the home of the Heroic Epic was deemed to be the logical location for training of officers for new elite units – Winnipeg has a proud history of military servitude.)

    The war for survival seemed to be favouring the Canadians, although at a terrible cost.

    Eastern Canadian Musketeers were raiding throughout Roman territory, suffering horrific losses but inflicting far greater damage on the enemy. It was during this time that the 2nd, 4th, 5th and 8th Musketeers were destroyed while decimating 3 to 4 times their numbers of pikes, longbowmen and macemen. Their skillful use of terrain will be taught at West Point while their honour rolls will adorn the Halls of Remembrance in the main building. Roman longbowmen frequently fled the battlefield when faced with Canadian muskets.

    Japanese forces were streaming into the meat grinder that was the western Sudbury Plains. Few would return to their homeland, choosing to die for their Emperor vice facing surrender. Units from French River were able to finally open up a corridor to Eastern Canada and Sudbury, allowing the flow of food to Sudbury to stop the starvation. Sudbury gems and stone soon filtered back into Canadian cities, much to the relief of the people. The ample supplies of stone allowed the developers of West Point to double the amount of work crews building the great halls. Canadian knights and musketeers were finally fighting at the edges of Japanese territory.

    When Edo fell to the proud 1st Canadian Cavalry (the newly refurbished and equipped 1st Knights) and the 7th Sudbury Musketeers, joy erupted throughout Canada! We had taken the first Japanese city! And only two Roman cities remained. Rome itself was facing the siege units, musketeers and the cavalry of Petawawa, Toronto and Ottawa (PT&O). Winnipeg and Hull forces had captured the southern Roman cities and were re-positioning to aid the PT&O forces.

    That’s when Mali and the Aztec empire slammed into Winnipeg and Sudbury.

    Mali sent more knights into the hills and prairies of Winnipeg then the combined total of all Knight units Canadian forces had faced at any point in history. Malinese knights did not take the opportunity to pillage, although this was attributed to the desire to take Winnipeg quickly then to any code of chivalry.

    When Winnipeg was built, the forefathers saw the benefits of building in hills. Leaving plains and grasslands for the farmers may have been the primary reason for settling in hills, but the better defensive positions saved Winnipeg 27 centuries later. The 12th and 14th Winnipeg Musketeers held against the onslaught of the Royal Malinese Brigades (combined Knight, Longbow and Catapult regiments) despite a four to one advantage enjoyed by the Malinese. Stories of the near invincibility and stoicism of the two Winnipeg divisions are recorded at the Great Library and in the Halls of Remembrance. Although reduced to handfuls of men and women, the Musketeers finally disrupted the onslaught by executing a counter attack against the siege weaponry. Without catapult support, the knights became typical aggressors, pillaging and destroying instead of breaking against the defenders of Winnipeg.

    Sudbury again faced starvation, as the Aztecs quickly cut the lines of supply to that great city. Despite sickness running rampant and fifth columnists attacking production sites, Sudbury was determined to hold. The garrison of Sudbury only consisted of two divisions of musketeers and a single siege brigade, but they were expert city defenders. Again, the Sudbury plains were a sea of fire, as hamlet, farm and pasture were put to torch. Aztec forces managed to gain the Sudbury Forest and commenced bombarding the defensive positions of the musketeers.

    Canada was facing the forces of four great empires. The Aztec and the Japanese were attacking in the West, the Malinese attacking in the south and east, and the Romans raiding the northern border cities. Additionally, the Romans had been able to reverse engineer captured Canadian muskets and were placing musketmen in their cities. Owever, they were not able to duplicate the training and esprit de corps of Canadian units, resulting in the slow version typical of other countries. There were also rumours that the other aggressors had captured muskets and were doing their own developing.

  • #2
    That brings us back to our introduction. We were losing.

    We were unable to take the fight to the enemy. Maintaining lines of communications and supplies to our border cities became near impossible. Raids by the Malinese, Aztec and Japanese knights threatened to starve out our defenders. New units were trained to the highest level possible and received the best equipment available, yet were destroyed by the seemingly endless line of knights.

    Then came the turning point. Professor Frederick Banting had been comparing a captured Roman musket against a Canadian musket. Professor Banting noted that the performance was virtually identical. Even over a hundred years, the Canadian weapon had not changed. He contacted the Minister of Defense and requested that Alpha Company, 2nd Battalion, 1st Quebec Muskets (“The Hunters”) be attached to his staff for research purposes. The temporary loss of a key unit was a great risk but the potential reward could change the outcome. The Minister agreed and the Hunters relocated to Ottawa.

    Professor Banting requested this particular company for he knew the Hunters repeatedly held when other companies fell. He knew they had the same equipment but wanted to know their secrets. The Hunters were able to load faster and they used silk wadding for longer range, thus getting two and sometimes three extra volleys into the attacking enemies. Then Professor Banting did the unthinkable. He asked the troops what they thought.

    This little action changed the course of warfare in Canada.

    The troops complained that loading muskets effectively requiring standing for what could become an eternity. Silk was only available from civilian sources, although the Hunters never seemed to run short of eager volunteers willing to give up their unmentionables. Finally, no matter how much training and special loading went into a musket, the ball would only go straight for 200 yards before becoming ineffective.

    Professor Banting wanted to find out what would happen to the ball after 200 yards. Covering a field with white sheets seemed crazy, but the Hunters eagerly executed the orders of Professor Banting. He listened to them and was trying to help their comrades on the front lines.

    The first twenty firings revealed…nothing. There seemed to be no pattern. Five muskets were fired and all had similar erratic results. The balls ended up all over the place, some up to 300 yards away and as much as 30 degrees off the line of firing. The firings continued. Hundreds, then thousands of rounds were fired as Professor Banting tried to find a pattern. Finally, he noticed a pattern emerge but only with one musket. Corporal Smalls’ musket seemed to always fire to the right, usually 5 degrees to the right, but with no appreciable range increase. In fact, it was consistently short. But it was consistent!

    Professor Banting immediately summoned Smalls and his musket. Imagine Smalls’ dismay when the Professor began to cut his pride and joy into five centimetre sections, examining every piece with his magnifying glass. Ironically, it wasn’t until he got to the very end that he noticed a small groove, right at the mouth of the barrel. He examined all the other weapons and determined only Smalls’ musket had the groove. He then checked over the company. Of all the members, only Smalls was left-handed and he was also the shortest. He also had his musket the longest (it was his original issue) and had been with the company the longest. In fact Corporal Smalls considered his musket (“Fiddlestick”) his lucky charm!

    Smalls’ height and left-handedness had required Smalls to angle his ram-rod into the musket initially when commencing the loading sequence. This pressure, applied over the years, had left a small groove. The small groove would cause a musket ball to develop a slight twist in flight. The slight twist would cause a consistent five-degree offset from the line of firing.

    Professor Banting then made the hypothesis that if the ball could be spun fast enough, it might stay on a straight path longer (an inherent gyroscopic effect) and thus provide the consistent result desired. Thus he reworked Smalls’ new musket (Corporal Smalls was proving to be a lucky charm for Professor Banting) by adding a rifled pattern. The next time Smalls was on the range, his musket fired 10 shots within 1 degree of the line of fire, albeit only to roughly 190 yards.

    Professor Banting then tackled the range issue. He knew that the ball was deforming on exit. He hypothesized that the spinning from the rifling caused the ball to flatten out, increasing wind resistance and decreasing range. He designed the bullet shape, using the shape of an arrowhead and adding a copper jacket to keep the shape. The requirement to put the bullet in a specific way increased loading time. It didn’t take long for Banting to come up with the self-contained bullet, and then the breech-block to properly implement the advantages of the bullet.

    Firing times went from three or four volleys per minute to thirty or forty. Ranges increased to four hundred yards, with effective ranges of two hundred and fifty. Weapons factories quickly retooled and within 30 days, a division-sized shipment of rifles was ready. Of course, the only choice for the first division to receive the Smalls-Banting Rifle was the 1st Quebec.

    The Hunters quickly trained their fellow companies and the 1st Quebec Rifles marched towards Sudbury. The Sudburians were facing combined attacks from Malinese, Aztec and Japanese knights. The units defending Sudbury were so depleted, most existed only on paper. Support personnel and civilians manned barricades. Famine was rampant and refugees filled the city. Sudbury needed help.

    During the 1st through 3rd of March 1758, torrential rains drenched the Sudbury Plains. The morning twilight gloom of the 4th revealed vast fields of churned mud and persistent, albeit light, rain. The knights of three nations were comfortably bivouacked, convinced no action would take place until the fields were suitable for mass movement. At about 7am, the massed battalions of the 1st Quebec Rifles revealed themselves.

    The Hewers had stealthily marched into the eastern hills during the evening of the 3rd and 4th. Thousands of men had silently positioned themselves within one thousand metres of three armies. On one command, they arose, muddy, wet and grim, taunting the knights.

    The vast camp cities burst into metallic clamour as first thousands, then tens of thousands of knights readied themselves. The 1st Quebec Rifles patiently waited. Death had no timetable.

    The full account of the Final Battle of Sudbury Plains has been described in many books. This author would recommend “The Crucible” series by Margaret Atwood-Berton III since the three volumes contain her signature research and some rare and touching interviews with veterans. This version will only cover the pivotal battles, written from the enemies’ perspective.

    At approximately noon, three Japanese Knight divisions (the Ghost Moon, the Emperor’s Ride and the Crimson Cloud) rode out to attack the Quebecers. The knights formed up a scant five hundred metres from the Rifles. The Japanese chose the standard “three of three” formation. Thus the 1st faced 9 lines of knight battalions. This had proven to be the most effective against muskets.

    The knights began their charge. They knew the muskets would probably only get one or two volleys before the knights would be amongst them. The first line and second lines would take horrific casualties but their honour (and numbers) would carry the day. The knights walked their horses to within 300 metres.

    General Kobayashi issued the single command. The War Trumpets blew. Thousands yelled “Banzai!” and tried to spur their horses to a run. Due to the mud and the weight of knight and armour, the horses were unable to gain any appreciable speed. Thus the Japanese approached the 200 metre range at slightly less than a trot. In the General’s mind, the musketeers might be able to get one more volley but their powder would be at risk from the rain.

    Suddenly, the musketeer lines erupted with fire. The first and second line of knights collapsed, with the only screams coming from the horses. Scant seconds later, the musketeer line spewed fire. The third, fourth and fifth lines dropped, again only to the screams of horses. General Kobayashi may have realized something was wrong and called off the attack, but we’ll never know. He died in the second volley, still 180 metres from the 1st Quebec lines.

    Despite their losses, the Japanese never faltered. When the last Japanese knight finally fell, he was only 20 metres from the Quebec line. He had more than 20 wounds, half of which should have been fatal.

    The Aztec knights were waiting at the edge of their encampment and were unable to see the full effect. They were nearly 3000 metres from the Canadian troops. From their perspective, the Japanese had slammed into the musketeers and were probably victorious. However, when smoke and haze cleared the Japanese had been destroyed to a man, but approximately one third of the musketeers were down.

    The two Aztec divisions began their assault in a side-by-side formation. While this presented less frontage to the enemy and had less shock effect (the musketeers would face only 18 single files of knights) it had better survival against massed muskets. The Aztecs began to close the distance.

    At 2000 metres, the horses were beginning to struggle in the churned mud. The first knights would make the best time, as they were following the path of only nine knights. At the tail end, a knight was working through ground that had seen the passage of a thousand knights. The line quickly spread out and was very uneven as knights tried to find easier passage. When the command to charge came, the first knights were 200 metres from the Canadian troops but the Aztec lines stretched nearly 1000 metres.

    The knights continued struggling towards the Canadians but their horses could barely make walking speed. The first volley took down nearly a thousand knights. Frantic horses, now riderless and subsequently lighter, bolted from the field, fleeing the gunfire and screams. The rush of frightened horses further disrupted the Aztec lines, allowing volley after volley to take down knights and contribute to the confusion. What probably frightened the Aztecs the most was the accuracy and range - knights were being wounded and killed at 400 metres.

    To their credit, the Aztec knights still pressed the attack. The remaining knights tried to go around their bogged down comrades, thus flanking the Canadians. Still they struggled through churned and bloody mud, strewn with dead knights and horses. The Canadian veterans reported that they would have felt pity for the knights had they not already seen the devastation inflicted upon the populace of Sudbury. In less than 5 minutes, fewer than 600 Aztec knights returned to their lines.

    Finally, the Malinese began their attack. Due in part to their arrogance, the four divisions began an immediate charge. They did not question the Aztecs about the Canadians, assuming inferior Aztec troops had faltered. As it was, they could see fewer than 25 percent of the Canadians still standing. They used no tactics, merely the force of charge. A massed assault of sixteen armoured knight battalions versus barely a battalion of probably severely demoralized musketeers would be an easy victory.

    Thus, when the Mali knights entered the mud, they had no formation in effect. Thousands of individual knights were seeking personal glory. Soon, each man encountered the same problems that afflicted the Japanese and Aztecs. Horses collapsed in mud and knights were crushed under their weight or drowned in the mire. And this was before they got within a 1000 metres of the Canadians.

    The lead knights would have seen fewer than a quarter of the Canadians standing, weapons levelled. They might have thought it strange that the musketeers were preparing to fire at 300 metres. They would have thought it more strange when the Canadians quickly dropped into the mud. Unfortunately, these would be their last thoughts as the full 1st Quebec Rifle division fired accurate and devastating volleys from prone positions. All four Aztec divisions were stunned by the intensity of the firepower in the first minute. The Canadians reached a rate of fire nearly a round per second. In less than 10 seconds, each division was reduced to less than a battalion of effectives. As the Aztecs attempted to retreat, the Canadians arose.

    The 1st Quebec Rifles began their pursuit. They roared into the enemy encampment, capturing thousands. They then forced march towards the support divisions following the mounted units. Thus began the rout which would last 10 years. The Roman Empire collapsed within weeks of the Musketeer divisions converting to Rifles. The Japanese managed to retake Edo (it was destroyed in the effort) but would never again step onto Canadian soil. The Aztecs, horrified by the effect of the Smalls-Banting rifle, sued for peace. Finally, the last Malinese city fell yesterday. I will be dealing with Mansa Musa tomorrow. He has much grief and sorrow to answer for…

    Comment


    • #3
      Sounds like a great game!
      Very nice story, especially liked the in-depth scientific research parts.
      I had never really thought about playing Civ as my own country (Canada) before, didn't realise how much more personal the game would feel. Being able to relate with the city names and such.
      I'll definately have to try out the Canada mod soon!

      Comment


      • #4
        Canada, the Shy Civilization

        I am Canadian, eh!

        Starting Techs: Hunting (shooting and trapping since the 1600s) and Fishing (overfishing the Grand Banks even longer!)

        Leaders:

        William Lyon Mackenzie King

        Philosophical - due to his belief that Canada would have a say in the post-WWII world, he comes up with all sorts of wacky ideas
        Spiritual - talks to his dead dog. If Canadians can accept that, they'll accept anything without an uproar.

        Sir John A. MacDonald

        Expansive - he is able to inspire others to overcome the effects of immigration, rapid industrialization and whiskey overuse.
        Spiritual - due to sedative effects of alcohol, he is never flustered and inspires others around him to remain calm when changes take place

        Unique Unit:

        Peacekeeper (14/1/100) - replaces Modern Armour, Helicopters, SAM Infantry, Mechanized Infantry and any other well equipped unit. However, heals 4 times quicker due to effective use of duct tape and Red Green instructional tapes. +50% defense bonus when in fortifications.

        Favourite Civic: This is dependant on which party is in power

        Liberal Party - Bureaucracy. However, non-capital cities producing 40 or more hammers lose 25% commerce (taxation), and cities producing 10 or less gain 10% commerce (equalization payments.) Any difference goes into Liberal Party coffers.

        Conservative Party - Free Trade. There is a 25% chance every turn that cities will lose one trade route. Additionally, the revenue generated from that trade route will be added to the treasury of the strongest civilization, provided it is the Americans.

        Bloc Quebecois - Emancipation. However, this is only applicable to french speaking peoples. Actually, this only applies to unilingual french speaking peoples. Wait, only to members of the Bloc Quebecois. Okay, the Bloc Quebecois favour Hereditary Rule.

        New Democratic Party - State Property would come into effect with an NDP government, but all squares that produce a commerce produce 1 less as entrepeneurs flee the country for better government. Additionally, each city gains one free artist. However, the artist adds no bonuses of any kind and requires 1 gp per turn maintenance. Deficit spending is encouraged.

        All Civics - Since Canada will most likely have a general election, possibly over Christmas, it is likely that the result will be an even weaker minority government. All favoured civics will come into effect, but with 4 turns of anarchy...
        Last edited by MidKnight; December 3, 2005, 21:02.

        Comment


        • #5
          nicely done!
          "Ceterum censeo Ben esse expellendum."

          Comment


          • #6
            An entertaining read.

            (Is there really a Canada mod?)
            Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost.

            Comment


            • #7
              Entertaining indeed. Good stuff, MidKnight. This does inspire me to write a little something myself, but there is just so much to do with Civ4 for now. I think I'll play some more, and let the story ideas cook a little bit before I get writing.
              XBox Live: VovanSim
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              Comment


              • #8
                Great story, and at your Canadian Civ.
                Libraries are state sanctioned, so they're technically engaged in privateering. - Felch
                I thought we're trying to have a serious discussion? It says serious in the thread title!- Al. B. Sure

                Comment


                • #9
                  Fun read. And your Canadian civ and its leaders is great.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    nice story...good read

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Hmmmm......


                      the writing is good, but focuses on too grand a scale, I would prefer to see focus on characters to drive the story and less focus on the acts of nations. These forums being as they are, oriented towards a game that focuses on the acts of nations glossing over character and such is not only acceptable but tempting, but I urge you to rather.... write about characters either controlling the acts of great nations or characters caught up in them, and pay more attention to what drives the character and less on the actions of the nations.

                      Idk, I'm sure you aren't serious about writing and my criticism falls on ears that if not deaf then careless, so I will simply applaud you for the well written, albeit tiresome in its seemingly monotonous description of the acts of nations, piece.
                      Read Blessed be the Peacemakers | Read Political Freedom | Read Pax Germania: A Story of Redemption | Read Unrelated Matters | Read Stains of Blood and Ash | Read Ripper: A Glimpse into the Life of Gen. Jack Sterling | Read Deutschland Erwachte! | Read The Best Friend | Read A Mothers Day Poem | Read Deliver us From Evil | Read The Promised Land

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        SKILORD,

                        I would have said thanks on the "writing is good, but focuses on too grand a scale" and definitely been receptive to your ideas of focusing on individuals directing and/or caught up in the maelstrom of war and momentous points of history.

                        "Write about what you know..." is such a overused teaching tool in creative writing because it is true.

                        However, as per the opportunities that CivI/II/II/IV allows us to control a nation and reshape history, so should the opportunity to write about that which could have transpired on the grandest of scales. We can discuss how we as that unknown yet ever present being that control events (God? Zeus? Brahma?) would have seen these events unfold.

                        As you can readily tell, I'm not a professional writer. I don't pretend to be. I'm lazy and I type in words per day, not words per minute.

                        I wrote something for me based on a really challenging game I was playing. I hoped maybe others would get some enjoyment out of it. I actually had more fun writing about the Canadian civilization! I also hoped maybe others would think they could do as well or better and sit down at their computers and crank out a story as they see it. There are so many players out there who have imagination and see something beyond "4 turns to gunpowder..."

                        I sure would not criticise and call their writing "tiresome" and seemingly monotonous" as I know how tough it is to try and write on a grand scale.

                        I have read some of your stories and I know not everyone likes your writing. Some characters were tired cliches and you spend a lot of time developing backstory on what inevitably becomes a short story. Overall, your stories were good and postings reflected that. However, as I am sure you are aware, some made comments that did not provide any assistance or positive feedback. I bet you did not appreciate them.

                        Maybe offer up good advice instead of demonstrating the grandness of your vocabulary or reiterating the criticisms you received during your university education.

                        If people don't try something new and experiment with ideas, they'll never get anywhere. However, as a social animal, humans need interaction other humans, perhaps to provide positive feedback, aid in brainstorming or just say "nice story." Being condescending or self righteous doesn't really fit into that cooperative, pack/tribe aspect of being human...

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I don't think I've ever been told to **** off more politely.

                          But in between the narcissism in my last post I'm sure you can see some advice. I still maintain that your story, while certainly well written, lacks any literary flavor and comes off as bland.

                          And yes, your post makes very valid points.... a few of them.

                          gl with future endevours.
                          Read Blessed be the Peacemakers | Read Political Freedom | Read Pax Germania: A Story of Redemption | Read Unrelated Matters | Read Stains of Blood and Ash | Read Ripper: A Glimpse into the Life of Gen. Jack Sterling | Read Deutschland Erwachte! | Read The Best Friend | Read A Mothers Day Poem | Read Deliver us From Evil | Read The Promised Land

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            SKILORD,

                            I agree with you on the blandness of the story and the attempt at politeness in my response. As for the blandness, I found it really difficult to compress 3 or 4 hours of game time and 700 years of CIV time into two pages. As for the politeness, I did not want to get into a flame war. You obviously have some good ideas which you should share.

                            Now, I encourage... nay, DEMAND... that you post a "Tips to Write a Good Story" (or similar vein) thread based on your experience and education. I know you weren't trying to be rude (that was the most accurate use of the term "narcissism" I have seen) but obviously saw flaws based on your experience.

                            You have had a history of writing with Civ as a background (many years, judging by your posts.) I am certain if you look at your early writings, you would probably see huge errors and poor writing techniques that others wouldn't notice, especially considering what you have learned since then. You would also see changes in your writing style based on changes in yourself.

                            Since you have found and improved on your style, maybe its time to pass on to others your lessons learned. You still write, which means you still love it and probably want others to enjoy that experience.

                            How about covering topics like:

                            - Make a Good Start into a Strong Finish;

                            - How much is TOO much (ie how the heck to compress 700 years into a two part post. After your comments, I am thinking about writing Corporal Smalls' memoirs during specific battles and how he felt when his musket "Fiddlestick" was destroyed...)

                            - High Points of Four Years of University Beatings Compressed into One Apolyton Posting;

                            These topics are all tongue-firmly-in-cheek but I do believe you would be able to come up with viable and somewhat simplified wisdom for the recreational writer. Hopefully others would be encouraged to add to the lessons or just use them to come up with their own good stories.

                            Obviously, you have learned a lot. Why not pass it on and encourage others to do the same?

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              How tragic that a good thread like this can go south so quickly after such a small, simple act of condescension.

                              I enjoyed the story, MidKnight, and I think many of the other readers did as well. You keep writing the way you want.

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