Originally posted by SKILORD
Totally unneccesarry and pointless to include this, I understand that at CFC simply everyone includes these nowadays, but to have to confess an inability to write so much as to shrink to these is shameful. We aren't playing a SG with you, we're listening to a history of your game, so don't do it.
Point 2: You are too dependant upon dates, making this too mucha timeline at some points. Dates are relatively unimportant, even in the study of history, so do your best to simply ignore them and come to bear your focus on cause and effect.
THis could have been revealed through dialougue (Something your story is lacking of). Dialoug is the most infinitly useful tool of an author. Maybe a close second to spell chack.
Once again, overdependance on numbers and exact figures, noone will remember them anyways so make it broader and anyway, at the very least introduce the document (If you cannot resist the numbers) (ie: THe paper floated with a joyous air to Jeannes desk, from the advisor's hand.