The Peaceful Zulus

[Metaliturtle]

Hi everyone!

Well, rather than talk about how there's no stories to read here, lets write us some stories and talk about how nobody else is writing here!

I'm chronicling a game I am in the middle of, playing as the mighty Zulu Empire. I have imposed one big rule on myself though. I can't play to the Zulus' strength, which is being aggressive b@$7@rD$.

What do this mean?

1. No declaring war ever. (If attacked I can defend myself and liberate another nations' territory until they ask for peace, at which point I must come to terms)
2. I need a diplomatic, cultural, or space race victory.
3. I have to accept Open borders unless it's an unfair trade.
4. I have to give help.

So there you have it, those are the restrictions I'm giving myself. The map is random, I don't know what's coming.

Oh, since I haven't played much in the past year, the difficulty is set at "settler." (Because my grandma could beat me in my sleep at this game.)

Here we go!:


Shaka: Haha suckas! I made it into this game after all! And all y'all thought that Metaliturtle story about me with the bald chick got me banned from the Civ series!

Other CIV leaders: Stop breaking the fourth wall Shaka!

Shaka: A-hem... Yes, it is with great pride and determination that I start the FUBU er... um... ZULU empire!

People of Zulu: Yeah we gonna kill some tanky mofos!

Shaka: NOOO! Do you realize that people declare war on us just because they know we'll attack them otherwise? In this game we must be more b!tchtastic than Gandhi.

People of Zulu: SNAP!!!

And so Shaka built him a City.


Events! 4000 BC - 3500 BC!

4000 BC: Ulundi has been founded.
3850 BC: The villagers have provided you with a Scout!
3825 BC: You have discovered Animal Husbandry!
3825 BC: The borders of Ulundi have expanded!
3700 BC: You have discovered Mysticism
3600 BC: The villagers have taught you Writing!
3525 BC: The villagers have provided you with a map!

The world at 3500 BC:


Zulu Scout: Lord Shaka, we have explored the entire land!

Shaka: How did it look?

Zulu Scout: Yo man, like a .45! We gonna bust a cap in someone's ass fo sho!

Shaka: No, we will play nice and trade shinies with them so they will let us build a spaceship.

Zulu Scout: Then we'd really be high! He!ls Yeah! And I would be a space cadet!

Shaka: No drug references either!

----And then some stuff happened----

3475 BC: Hinduism founded in Ulundi. The Zulus believe in Polythor, patron god of Apolyton, and key in the practice of Polytheism.

3450 BC: Zulu warlords, upset at Shaka's imposing of the new religion, revolt against the teachings of DanQ and his minions.

3450 BC: DanQ silences the revolt utilizing shinies.

3350 BC: Zulu priests have discovered priesthood, proving that they, in fact, do exist.

3250 BC: Zulu shoremen begin eating creatures from the sea, Fishing has begun!

3125 BC: Fish loving seamen (not even going to touch that one) create the village of Fish Taco, so they may eat their fish without culinary persecution.

3025 BC: Fisherman rig bedsheets to their boats and discover they go faster with less rowing. They call this new mode of travel "Sailing."

The world at 3000 BC:



Let me know what you think so far, I'm going to keep playing and posting for a while, so if you're online comment now!

[Metaliturtle]

Here's what's been happening.

2950 BC: Polytheism has made it to Fish Taco.

2900 BC: Independent herb growers on the fringes of the nation begin growing their herbs (called pot) indoors. They utilize earthen jugs which become commonly called "pottery."

2375 BC: Writing changes from cool pictures to cool symbols that represent sounds that can be turned into words that mean what the picture did.

Shaka: Alphabet is a challenge, we better get working on a song...

2225 BC: The Zulu name their newest city after their continent. FortyFive is founded!

The world in 2000 BC:


Shaka: I'm a horrible leader, what can I do to expand my empire?

Mrs. Shaka: Someone catch a little penis envy at the naked dance off last night?

[Marcusem78]

I'll go on record and say... I like it.

[Metaliturtle]

Thanks Marcusem!

Unfortunately I accidentally closed the window without saving this game first, so the story is done I'm afraid...

I'll do another one soon though. In the meantime, it would be cool to see you try your hand at a CIV story, I would happily read and comment!

[Marcusem78]

Hmm... about to start a new one tonight... Earth2 setup... I rarely take the time to take notes, tho... I just zone in and plod on into the game.

[Metaliturtle]

the in game history is what I used, the game takes the notes for you. (icon that looks like a book in the top left corner)

[DarkCloud]

Zulus believe in Polythor, patron god of Apolyton, and key in the practice of Polytheism

:hmm:

[Seedle]

Very nice, but please do us a favor. Turn on show resources for your screen shots, makes it much easier to see what you are working with. And as for closing the window, don't you have auto-saves?

[Metaliturtle]

Shaka: This is the boringest game ever!

1800 BC: Shinies, encouraged by the polytheist church, replace the barter system! Currency comes to the zulu.

1525 BC: Counting Shinies has become a rather profitable occupation

1175 BC: We learn that the world is round and we comprise roughly 1/4 of it's surface. 45 time!

1125 BC: We build the oracle and some priestly lady teaches us about laws. This confuses some, founding a new religion, confusanizm in FortyFive!

1050 BC: We turn our shinies into axes for the first time, now we can use trees!

1025 BC: The people revolt in order to enslave themselves! The whip fuels increased production!



Ok, I'm starting to tire of this... maybe I'll meet someone soon.

[Metaliturtle]

I'll check my autosaves and get the resources up if I can play this one some more. Thanks for the attention!

[Metaliturtle]

Found the Autosave at 20AD! I will be attempting a Space Race with no offensive wars for the victory. Screenie with resources coming up soon as well.

[Metaliturtle]

Our Resources at 20 BC


The rundown is pretty short:
Since 1000 BC

In 470 BC the mighty Zulus have learned the joys of Civil Service to the empire.

In 455 BC travellers bring word that something called stonehenge has been built.

In 380 BC the belief in other lands causes many Zulu Citizens to build homes on the northernmost point of the continent, they call the city, "The pointe."

In 290 BC the wise Zulu turned wood into paper and used it to spread knowledge at a much more rapid rate.

Finally, our military picture. We have not needed more than clubs and hatchets to protect ourselves from the common rabble as you can see here:

[Metaliturtle]

From the year 0 and beyond:

190 AD- The Zulu have learned education. Now they can finally teach people how to teach people how to teach people.

280 AD- The educated people of Zululand found a city in the name of one of their most hated of cultural icons, "JarJar Stinks."

295 AD- The Zululand Wheat Colony renames itself Wheating and is established on the eastern point of the continent.

385 AD- Land in sight!

460 AD- And the sneaky *itches are:


The freaky deeky Dutch! We scam all kinds of knowledge from them on the cheap though.

475 AD- Pirates!

Our lovely world has just grown smaller:
We have DutchChina to the west...


And Capn' Jack Sparrow with the Sumerians to the east.

[Metaliturtle]

Wow, I forgot about this one!

[Charlemagne97]

good one. i'm going to do a civ story soon. gotta think of a base. it won't have screenies though cuz i can't make them

[Civ 2.5]

The funniest thing about it is that he's playing civ... but writing like a black guy... so it means you know he's white. lmao