PRAVDA LITE EDITION #17 - 4th October 2003 - The last stand in roleplay.

Kody · October 4, 2003, 09:16

COMRADES!
WE GREET EACH DAY WITH COFFEE!

The 17th Edition of PRAVDA - the official newsletter of the Human Hive. Due to time restrictions and the downsizing of the hive workforce Pravda issues will now be Pravda Lite.

Public transport is the best aphrodisiac
Recent studies have found that people are most likely to reproduce on the public transport system. Consequently, the Hive government has implemented the honeymoon carriage, child-minding carriage, and general ogry carriage on all its trains. The department of development was happy to fund the train upgrades, saying that this trend was well in line with it's 10 child policy.

In an effort to even further the growth of the nation, mandatory nudity laws have been proposed to the CCC.

CCC ANNOUNCES CREATION OF PROCREATION CAMPS

In a interbase announcement on the PRAVDA Pre-noon Discussion, Glorious Comrade Vev announced that the Hive needs more people. "We have bases from coast to coast and no little kiddies to fill the child labor camps" He said, "So therefore, I have intiated the Second EXpansion plan."
This S-EX plan requires first that every woman register at the nearest Central Plannign Commune. There, the women will be tested for verility and availibility. Once deemed to be proper subjects, they will report to redepolyment centers to be transported to the Capital City.
Already in the first stages of the S-EX, many of the upper members of the CCC were unable to be contacted for comment. However, this reporter found the Comrade Censor of the People's Congress, Comrade Vander, on his way back to his residence. When asked about the S-EX, Comrade Vander stated, "Much of the CCC is already doing their part to make the S-EX the most productive of all Expansion plans. Why, even I myself am devoting every waking hour to the S-EX to make sure that all sutable women are taken care of."
After answering this reporter's question, the People's Censor was seen quickly walking back to his residence across the street. Muttering something that sounded like, "The chairman wants these women in Japanese schoolgirl uniforms? And what of these tentacles?"

The opening ceremony for “The Recycling Tank”

For years the Hive has been sending naughty soldiers and ministers to the “recycling tank”. What we failed to mention is the recycling tank was a compost heap around the back. After 40 years on the planet the hive has finally managed to build its first facility, “The Recycling Tank”. “The Recycling Tank” actually can produce useful materials from the useless bodies of soldiers and ministers.

However, the celebrations were cut short. When in the opening ceremony some bystanders were recycled to test the new facility out. Googlie sent a swarm of mindworms to punish the Hive for not sacrificing the bystanders to him first. The Hive ministers promptly made a large shrine and promised to sacrifice bystanders to Googlie before recycling them.

As the mindworms rapidly approach, the hive wonders where Rokossovky, the military commander of the Hive is. Kody is also wondering why the other ministers have paid no attention to his warning of the possibility of losing units.

In other news
* The Chairman's approval rating has risen a number of points. Current studies put the raiting in the neigborhood of 12,450,003%. The hive considers getting someone other than the chairman to count the votes.
* Kody complains about being exploited and overworked.

Maniac · October 4, 2003, 10:51

I suggest you replace all ministers by xenobananas and then defect to the Cybernetic Consciousness.

We would certainly appreciate your talents and input.

As always, great edition.

Corellion · October 4, 2003, 11:01

Did you write that entirely yourself?

Vander · October 4, 2003, 15:10

No, some of it was me.
But yea, Kody is overworked. Now here is the kicker: Ask Kody how long he's been playing AC...

Maniac · October 4, 2003, 15:16

Kody, how long have you been playing AC?

Kody · October 4, 2003, 18:13

Umm I first installed the game early June this year.

Zero · October 4, 2003, 18:38

so that means he installed AC roughly the same time he joined the hives and WHAM! He's writing article for the pravada when 4 months ago he was a nobody.....

who says the hive isnt a land of opportunity?