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  1. #1
    Barnabas's Avatar
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    What to do if your dog masturbates?

    So, I am thinking of buying a dog. I have had 2 dogs before, both *****es (I mean female, not bad attitude), and I had not problem with them, but my father, whom I visited once a week when I was a kid, had a male doberman, and the dog had the gross habit of masturbating with his mouth lying on the carpet below the living room table.

    I guess for most people that is not an issue, but I am thinking of only getting a female because I find the sight of a dog masturbating too gross. If any of you had a male dog, what did you do in those cases? tell him, "No! bad boy", hit him with the newspaper, tell him to move to another place so that it gets used to do that thing where he can't be seen?
    I need a foot massage

  2. #2

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    of course... "a dog"...

    Cold watter usually helps I guess.
    "Ceterum censeo Ben esse expellendum."

  3. #3
    molly bloom's Avatar
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    Buy it some suitable fantasy material- Pet Shop World, Best *****es, Poodles On Parade, and direct it to the appropriate area for relief- the neighbour's garden, preferably during a barbecue or visit from the local vicar, priest or neighbour's parents.
    Vive la liberte. Noor Inayat Khan, Dachau.

    ...patriotism is not enough. I must have no hatred or bitterness towards anyone. Edith Cavell, 1915

  4. #4
    Ming's Avatar
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    What to do if your dog masturbates?
    Not a hell of a lot... it's what male dogs do...
    However, Molly...
    "If black people robbed you, I'd not consider it prejudice for you to be angry at black people in general" - Ben Kenobi
    Lessons in Christianity.

    Keep on Civin'
    RIP Tony Bogey & Baron O

  5. #5
    The Mad Monk's Avatar
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    Post it on youtube.
    No, I did not steal that from somebody on Something Awful.

  6. #6
    Imran Siddiqui's Avatar
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    Dang! Mad Monk beat me to it
    “I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”
    - John 13:34-35 (NRSV)

  7. #7
    giblets's Avatar
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    Get your dog neutered, that will probably cut down on it.
    "South Africa is a shithole. It used to be a decent place." -Ben Kenobi, sharing his wisdom on world history

    "The electoral college is a disaster for democracy." - Donald J. Trump

  8. #8
    Elok's Avatar
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    Not really. My mother has a neutered male great dane who loves slorping on his hose. It's the sound that's really bothersome, especially when he decides to lie down and have a chew while all the humans eat dinner. SNORF SNORF SLURP SNORF PANT PANT PANT SNOOOORF SLURP SLURP PANT GURGLE PANT SNORF...

  9. #9
    Fake Boris's Avatar
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    Female dogs masturbate too...
    In Soviet Russia, Fake borises YOU.

  10. #10
    Asher's Avatar
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    Get a cat.

  11. #11
    Hauldren Collider's Avatar
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    Cats are not as cool as dogs.
    If there is no sound in space, how come you can hear the lasers?
    :(){ :|:& };:

  12. #12
    Asher's Avatar
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    Not true. The phrase is "cool cat" for a reason.

  13. #13
    MikeH's Avatar
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    and hot dog.

    Proven.
    Jon Miller: MikeH speaks the truth
    Jon Miller: MikeH is a shockingly revolting dolt and a masturbatory urine-reeking sideshow freak whose word is as valuable as an aging cow paddy.
    We've got both kinds

  14. #14
    SlowwHand's Avatar
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    I've never heard of this before. ACS rocks so much.
    Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.
    "Hating America is something best left to Mobius. He is an expert Yank hater.
    He also hates Texans and Australians, he does diversify." ~ Braindead

  15. #15
    rah's Avatar
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    Just be thankful that teenage boys can't quite reach it with their tongues.
    "If black people robbed you, I'd not consider it prejudice for you to be angry at black people in general" - Ben Kenobi
    Lessons in Christianity.
    RIP Tony Bogey & Baron O

  16. #16
    Asher's Avatar
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    Some can.

  17. #17
    rah's Avatar
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    Fortunately they have stayed in their rooms since discovering that skill and I haven't had to deal with them.
    "If black people robbed you, I'd not consider it prejudice for you to be angry at black people in general" - Ben Kenobi
    Lessons in Christianity.
    RIP Tony Bogey & Baron O

  18. #18

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    Didn't you have a daughter ?
    "Ceterum censeo Ben esse expellendum."

  19. #19
    molly bloom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rah View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    Just be thankful that teenage boys can't quite reach it with their tongues.
    Some of us were more limber than others, obviously. It was much more fun reaching someone else's, however.
    Vive la liberte. Noor Inayat Khan, Dachau.

    ...patriotism is not enough. I must have no hatred or bitterness towards anyone. Edith Cavell, 1915

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