The Get Me A Girlfriend in 2012 Thread

[MRT144]

Oerdin>Al B Sure girlfriend count.

[Al B. Sure!]

Exactly what are you hoping to achieve, then?

Well ideally, I'd learn how to communicate to not make women run away.

[Al B. Sure!]

Oerdin>Al B Sure girlfriend count.

Oerdin is not me. Oerdin can and should talk a lot. I shouldn't. Do you think I should just let my mouth run free, MRT? Really?

Oerdin is also a fat hipster. Talking and making jokes can only help him.

[MRT144]

I thought you were just being contrary. Now I know that you suffer from crippling esteem and social interaction issues.

[rah]

Well ideally, I'd learn how to communicate to not make women run away.

THE SURE FIRE WAY. Keep you mouth shut and just listen to them talk about themselves. Nod when appropriate. If conversation falls into a lull, ask them about themselves.
Only talk when asked a specific question and keep the answer short, divert by asking them about themselves, listen attentively.
Repeat as necessary.

[Al B. Sure!]

I thought you were just being contrary. Now I know that you suffer from crippling esteem and social interaction issues.

No. That's the problem. I can chat someone up for hours but that's not what women want, especially when you're me. I could use some social interaction and esteem issues because it'd probably slow me down instead of me consciously having to pause and not let my mouth run free.

[Al B. Sure!]

THE SURE FIRE WAY. Keep you mouth shut and just listen to them talk about themselves. Nod when appropriate. If conversation falls into a lull, ask them about themselves.
Only talk when asked a specific question and keep the answer short, divert by asking them about themselves, listen attentively.
Repeat as necessary.

This is what I mean. It's so contrary to the way I am. Need to work on it.

[Dinner]

Well ideally, I'd learn how to communicate to not make women run away.

People have told you how to do that and all you've done is say they're wrong or ignored them. Try it our way for a change since your way hasn't worked.

I thought you were just being contrary. Now I know that you suffer from crippling esteem and social interaction issues.

Ain't that the truth?

[Dinner]

Oerdin is not me. Oerdin can and should talk a lot. I shouldn't. Do you think I should just let my mouth run free, MRT? Really?

Oerdin is also a fat hipster. Talking and making jokes can only help him.

I'm an neither fat nor a hipster, you smarmy little virgin douche.

[Al B. Sure!]

People have told you how to do that and all you've done is say they're wrong or ignored them. Try it our way for a change since your way hasn't worked.

You talk in platitudes like be yourself and talk and be funny. What can I use?

[Oncle Boris]

The fact that you don't understand what "be yourself" means IS PRECISELY YOUR PROBLEM.

You're gay, and denying it.

[Elok]

Being yourself isn't a platitude, it's an absolute necessity--unless you're looking for a string of one-night stands, and I can't see you pulling that off. You can't build a healthy relationship on falsehood or insincerity. If you want to be with a woman for an extended period of time, you have to be comfortable being yourself around her.

Now, you can tweak your behavior a little, by trying to talk less and listen to what they have to say, etc. But it's vital that you remain basically the Al you are.

[Dinner]

1) Don't quote rap lyrics especially ones which mention rape.
2) As Loinburger said stop acting differently just because you're around a woman and instead "act normal", as in, act like you would if you were around your guy friends. Sure, avoid farting loudly and try to remember your manners but be relaxed and normal.
3) Don't let there be long ackward silences which means keep the conversation rolling. Ask her open ended questions about herself, most people love talking about themselves, every once in a while say something ("wow, being the only girl in a family with four sons must have been interesting. I bet you were a tomboy.") so she knows you're listening and that you're interested, the odd joke does cut the tension and it helps when the conversation has stalled.
4) Have a plan but don't be afraid to deviate from it, that way you can suggest something to do but if it turns out she's allergic to ice cream you can skip the whole going for ice cream part of your plan. My standard first date was to go for coffee at an artsy little coffee shop by Balboa Park (my city's central park), that way if things weren't going well we could cut it short there but if things were going well then we could walk around the museums/visit the botanical gardens/watch the street jugglers/what not, if things are still going good we'd hit up one of the dessert places for some fancy cake or Italian ice cream.

My suggestion is to dress nice but casually, remember to hold doors for her, give her a compliment when you see her, go to a sports bar to watch the game (or a friend's house, what ever), then after the game do something you're both interested in. Walk around an art gallery, visit the waterfront, you know your city better than I do so where are there lots of people doing stuff? If all else fails ask if she wants to grab a cup of coffee. It's just the getting to know you phase so do some stuff together, talk to each other so you know a bit more about each other, and don't screw it up by acting like you're 2Pac about to gun someone down or rape a chick. In short, behave normally.

[Al B. Sure!]

I get the whole 'acting like my brother' thing a lot from women so I'm not sure treating her like 'one of the guys' is the best bet. I think I do that already to my detriment.

[Al B. Sure!]

Is this really how people talk?

wow, being the only girl in a family with four sons must have been interesting. I bet you were a tomboy.

I ask because it came up before and I was thrown off by the examples people were giving and I don't think any of you got what I was saying.

'Wow' why this shouldn't be coming out a man's mouth in this situation is obvious, 'must have been interesting' Speak with conviction, *****! Must have been... and 'interesting' is a ****ing ***** word if it's not used sarcastically.

I'd say: "Only girl with four brothers. Sound like a tomboy to me." Then play her reaction. I'd probably say some contrary **** like "So how come you're not a tomboy now?" if she's still aggressive/tomboyish. If she's girly, be like "Yeah I still see it." Psychology ****.

But that's not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about the semantics and how you come across. Oerdin's example comes across like a verbose weakling.

Or am I off base?


And I'm not criticizing/ignoring advice. This is how I learn by dissecting it and comparing it to my instincts.

[Elok]

I wouldn't say interesting, I'd probably say something like "tough" or "a pain." But that's just me. If that's not how you would express it, fine, but avoid saying basically any of the three things you just said, they could be easily construed as aggressive, overly personal and/or rude unless you already know the girl well. Then again, maybe that kind of borderline-hostility is how people relate to each other in Philly?

[gribbler]

Al I think your rephrasing has an accusatory tone.

[Al B. Sure!]

Al I think your rephrasing has an accusatory tone.

That's how I talk to people. So if there's a problem with it, all this 'treat her like the homies' stuff would do me no good.

But isn't this how to come off as strong? I'm not pussying around. I'm saying it with conviction, taking control, and getting a response from her while keeping the ball in my court. If it makes her a little uncomfortable, that's the point. A little uncomfortable is good. A little tension is good. Like with the whole telling her she is the opposite of how she likely views herself.

My friend told me when I sent her a message to say, "Are you the girl ***** told me about? He told me you were cuter, though". I didn't have the guts to do that, though.

[gribbler]

If women are avoiding you maybe you are making them too uncomfortable...

[Dinner]

If women are avoiding you maybe you are making them too uncomfortable...

Exactly. It's a fine line from being aggressive to being a panzy. The key is to be nonthreatening while still letting her know you're interested in her sexually. When you open a door for her put your hand on her back (a little bit of nonoffensive touching is good), look into her eyes and smile, definitely go for a kiss if the signs are looking good, tell her you had a really nice time with her, sit next to her at the bar and face towards her like she's the only person you want to talk to, definitely tell her how she looks amazing in that dress or you like what she's done to her hair or what not, let her catch you checking her out once during the night but don't over do it. All of those things say "I'm really interested in you and would like to get closer" without being a total jerk who might rape her. The key is to make her feel comfortable but make sure she knows you want her as a bed partner.

[Al B. Sure!]

like she's the only person you want to talk to

Everything I've ever encountered about female psychology says this is wrong. Which is why I wouldn't mind meeting her in a party environment because it gives me room to focus elsewhere.

Check this. The attention elsewhere thing is used a lot.



Women subconsciously desire what they think they can not have. By focusing exclusively on her, you're telling her she has you locked down. It's that crap that got me screwed by the stripper *****.

[DaShi]

I have a friend who can top that easily. He's absolutely obsessed with rape, and makes rape/sexual abuse jokes basically every day. And that's just the start. He's also a grown man with strong opinions about children's TV shows, including Hannah Montana. He's been in mental institutions several times. He's a total egomaniac incapable of holding an extended conversation which isn't centered on himself. He's somewhat overweight, sweats, fidgets constantly, and of course rants and rambles at the drop of a hat. He drinks more than he should, has no career prospects, no tact, no sense of style. He swears like a sailor and typically comes across as flamingly gay (though he's only slightly bi). Oh, and he won't hesitate to tell a woman about any and all of his past adventures, no matter how horrifically inappropriate.

Why am I telling you all this? Because even he has had, to my knowledge, two long-term (not stable, but long-term) relationships with women, in addition to a number of dates and short flings. From this, I conclude that Al's problem must be one of the following:

1. Insincerity. My friend is, at least, impeccably honest and straightforward. He's always himself. Al keeps asking us how he should act; perhaps he's coming across as phony?
2. Relentlessly going after the wrong women. My friend did this at first, when we were at college together, with often hysterical results. Al could stand to have somebody experienced, who knows him IRL, tell him what kind of girl might like him.
3. Maybe he's just boring in person. That's almost the only other fault my friend doesn't have but which Al might.

To be fair, don't we all have strong opinions about Hanana Montana?

[Elok]

My friend told me when I sent her a message to say, "Are you the girl ***** told me about? He told me you were cuter, though". I didn't have the guts to do that, though.

What kind of deranged dick-cheese says that to a woman, except to insult her? And what kind of woman tolerates that kind of treatment? If women around Philly respond to that in a positive way, that's just one more sign you need to get out of Philly. If not, you need to get new friends who don't set you up for a slap in the face so they can laugh at you. Or maybe just smarter friends. I don't know.

[Elok]

My wife speculates that you may have B.O., Al. Just throwing that in there.

[Al B. Sure!]

What kind of deranged dick-cheese says that to a woman, except to insult her? And what kind of woman tolerates that kind of treatment? If women around Philly respond to that in a positive way, that's just one more sign you need to get out of Philly. If not, you need to get new friends who don't set you up for a slap in the face so they can laugh at you. Or maybe just smarter friends. I don't know.

That **** works. I've listened to some dudes who pull women left and right and have so many women begging to be their girlfriends... buying them so much ****. Basically like what my ex the stripper did to me, they do in smaller doses to them. I've sat and listened to them talk to them on speakerphones and the stuff they say is so reckless and the women eat it the hell up!

Over at the Misc., another forum, I've seen guys troll women at dating sites with some absurd **** and the women love it.

You tell the chick that she's not as cute as you expected and it makes her try. She's no longer thinking she has you on lock but she now has to WORK for YOUR affection. You're also putting it out there that you're used to better looking women. She's nothing to you and you can pull anyone you want so it's special if you give her attention.

This stuff is gold probably 80% of the time. I just don't have the guts to do it and I'm not naturally an ******* so my mind has a tough time thinking how to do it. Plus it has to be executed perfectly and intermixed with more positive stuff in the right situations and proportions. It's a freaking skill.

[DaShi]

You need to develop that skill. Sure, you'll probably fail at first, but we'll all get a good laugh from hearing the stories about you trying.

[gribbler]

http://apolyton.net/showthread.php/1...to-get-a-woman
660 replies, started May 24th, 2010
http://apolyton.net/showthread.php/1...women-run-away
381 replies, started on November 1st, 2010
http://apolyton.net/showthread.php/1...gs-about-women
402 replies, started on March 26th, 2011
http://apolyton.net/showthread.php/1...cked-my-number...
129 replies, started on May 27th, 2011
http://apolyton.net/showthread.php/1...-for-my-number
621 replies, started on September 23rd, 2011
http://apolyton.net/showthread.php/1...ntiff-s-number
133 replies, started on October 18th, 2011

Good God. Should these threads be consolidated into a single 2300+ post thread? Am I missing any threads here? And why is Al allowed to own a computer?

thanks

[Elok]

You tell the chick that she's not as cute as you expected and it makes her try. She's no longer thinking she has you on lock but she now has to WORK for YOUR affection. You're also putting it out there that you're used to better looking women. She's nothing to you and you can pull anyone you want so it's special if you give her attention.

No, she's thinking, "what a jerk" and walking out the door, unless she's got some sort of emotional baggage. I wouldn't want anything to do with any woman who didn't have the self-respect to flip me the bird and walk if I tried something like that. If you want to pick up damaged goods, see if you can find David Floyd or go to one of your douchebag sites for advice. I think most of the guys here actually, you know, like women.

[Dinner]

That **** works.

Really? I guess this means it's just a nonstop orgy over at Al's apartment, eh? Oh, wait, that's right...

[Al B. Sure!]

http://apolyton.net/showthread.php/1...to-get-a-woman
660 replies, started May 24th, 2010
http://apolyton.net/showthread.php/1...women-run-away
381 replies, started on November 1st, 2010
http://apolyton.net/showthread.php/1...gs-about-women
402 replies, started on March 26th, 2011
http://apolyton.net/showthread.php/1...cked-my-number...
129 replies, started on May 27th, 2011
http://apolyton.net/showthread.php/1...-for-my-number
621 replies, started on September 23rd, 2011
http://apolyton.net/showthread.php/1...ntiff-s-number
133 replies, started on October 18th, 2011

Good God. Should these threads be consolidated into a single 2300+ post thread? Am I missing any threads here? And why is Al allowed to own a computer?

thanks

My 'Love Life Part XXX' threads when I was in high school were an Apolyton tradition.