>>After Sakai's disobedience of the council's orders, (The council now thought of Sakai as a traitor because they thought through his reckless actions it would focus the barbarians to focus their gaze on Iki.
? Could you perhaps correct the grammar here?
Interesting TV-style dialogue. It breaks out of the real document. Were you going for a television-drama style story?"Who are you that enter here with such finery?" *glancing at his armor.* (Tokugawa)
"Speak or die, are you barbarian or... Reply!" *drawing and fumbling with his sword.* (Sakai)
"I... am Masonori Fukushima of Iwagakure no Sato... I see you are in a bit of a predicament, and so am I. Help me, and I will in turn lend my aid to your cause..." (Fukushima)
1) Read through 12.
2) Also, I advertised your story elsewhere, but it seems not to have attracted attention... hmm...