I found this squirreled away and don’t recall if I ever posted it to Apolyton. So I reworked and added to it.
Fluffy, the long-time companion of Lady Deirdre Skye, has been asked for his Planet-wise advice for years. Now this advice comes to you.
Dear Fluffy: I’ve hear the term ‘former rush’ for years and it’s been driving me crazy! What is a ‘former rush’, and how exactly does a former rush? This doesn’t make sense. Help! Signed – Very Confused
Dear VC – I can understand your confusion, and I’m here to help! First, let’s look at the origin of the words. ‘Former’ means one who makes or builds. Now, a rush is pliable reed that can be used to construct useful items like baskets or furniture. So, this means that a ‘former rush’ is a type of reed that is used by skilled artisans. Simple!
Dear Fluffy: I’m beside myself with worry. My 14 year old daughter Mally has been seeing this Morganite businessman who is at least 30 years older than her! He showers her with gifts and tells her she loves her and that she’s beautiful. She’s drifted away from me, and I think she may run away with Mr. Wonderful. I don’t know what to do! Help me Fluffy! Signed –Very Worried
Dear VW – I’m glad you came to me, and not a moment too soon. Your concern is real, and I can help. First, tell your daughter that you support her decision and want to help her in strengthen her love. To do that, send her to a guidance counselor – me. I’ll lay it on the line, and let her know what is really happening. Also, tell Mr. Wonderful that he needs to enhance his ‘performance’ by seeing a world famous Gaian Erotic Consultant – also me. Trust me, he won’t be able to resist. Have him meet me for lunch tomorrow. We’ll chat about life and procreation – mine, that is. I’ve been getting rather hungry lately and am willing to make the sacrifice for you, Ms. VW, even if Morganites leave a bad taste in my mouths.
Dear Fluffy: I keep hearing these rumors about Lady Skye. I mean, does she really do all those things they show in the Morganite full sensory holo Lady Deirdre’s Lover? Can a body really bend like that? And wouldn’t she be put in prison for killing all those men from the Pleasure Squeeze Technique? Signed – Just Curious
Dear JC – First of all, Lady Skye hadn’t killed anyone, and shame on you for believing all that nasty Morganite propaganda – all of which is pure drivel and a waste of energy credits. You should know that CEO Morgan would gleefully rip the gold fillings out of his grandmother’s mouth if it would make a few picocredits. For your information, Lady Skye’s long-time companion is none other than Sir Googlie. Those rumors are true. The Pleasure Squeeze Technique hasn’t killed him yet, but they sure do try!
Dear Fluffy: Is it true that you’ve killed and eaten people? Isn’t that unethical and all? How can you sleep at night? Signed – Afraid of the fungus
Dear AotF – yes, I have killed. Remember that I was a front line soldier in the Gaian army for over 80 years, and Lady Skye and the Gaians had quite a few run-ins with the Morganites, Hive, Believers, and even Pravin Lal. I did what any good soldier would do. I’ve also had to kill other mindworms – quite a few of them, in fact. Is that any different from a human in a human army? As to your second question, I don’t really sleep. At times I do let my sub-components disassociate for a while, which is kind of like resting. But we always get back together, and sometime the sub-components bring friends and I get a bit bigger! I’m a Daemon Boil now, you know.
Dear Fluffy: I want to a mindworm trainer. It sounds like so much fun – living and charging through the fungus, being outside all day, and getting to play with all the other mindworms! How to I do that? Signed: Mindworm Wrangler Wannabe
Dear Wrangler – Well, it is fun! As you might guess, I love what you humans call the Xenofungus. It is my home, and your cities, farms, and forests are alien to me. But, over the years I’ve grown to appreciate them, too, even if it takes SO long to move through them. To be a Wrangler, as you call it, you need a Psi Sense, or what the Psi Adepts call empathy. You have to be able to communicate to the worms and make a connection to them before you can bond with them. But be aware that the bonding is life long. It will change you in ways you can’t really imagine, and it also changes the mindworm. You merge in some ways, sharing your consciousness as you work together. I’ve had five handlers and each one of them – if you’ll forgive the use of the word – tasted different. I have pieces of them that are still in my resonance patterns; they are part of me. Their passing was difficult, but in time I learned to accept another human handler. Know that Lady Skye was never my handler, and while she is a Talent she really isn’t really a Psi Adept. But she is my long time friend, and in her own way she is part of me, too. So – good luck! I encourage you to see if you are a Psi Adept. Then see if a mindworm will accept you and if you will accept its unique resonance into your soul. The experience is certainly not for everyone, but for those who are so inclined it is a wonderful life.
Dear Fluffy: My boyfriend Marlo and I have a disagreement and we want you to resolve it for us. I think running naked through the trees should be done in the morning so the dew clings to your skin, creating a glistening ring of cool droplets that caress the body. It’s exhilarating! Marlo loves to run at twilight when the last of the sultry breezes waft through the trees, bringing sweet pine scents that have a certain…enhancing power. We just can’t decide. Help us Fluffy! Signed – Sarah and Marlo
Dear S&M – Wow, I can see your problem. Luckily the solution is simple – do both! Set aside time in the morning and evening. This way you both can enjoy the scintillating pleasures of the dawn and dusk.
-->"Production! More Production! Production creates Wealth! Production creates more Jobs!"-Wendell Willkie -1944
Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost.
I just watched some Japanese cartoon with a naked woman "spending lots of time" with a multi-tentacled creature. I think they owe you and Lady Skye an apology for appropriating your intellectual property, and some royalties at least. What do you think?
"lol internet" ~ AAHZ
Actually, I'm pretty sure you posted this somewhere. I remember it, though I haven't the faintest idea when or where I saw it.
It is entertaining, at any rate.
To those who understand,
I extend my hand.
To the doubtful I demand,
Take me as I am.
Dear Fluffy, How much does blue whale defecate weigh?
I heard that blue whale's tongues can weigh as much as an elephant!! And blue whales are mammals and not fish. I'm a mammal, and my tongue weighs less than my defecate (I think) and so this must mean that blue whale defecates weigh at least two elephants!!!
Please give your answer in equivalences of elephants.
"lol internet" ~ AAHZ
That depends, Playa. Oh, and AoK is hardly new.
If I were you, I would ask for PtW, AoK, or AoM. But Im not you.
Seriously though, if you like Civ3 and play it a lot, I would recommend PtW. If not, and you think you are ready for something new, then I would ask for AoK or AoM.
Hey Marcussss? When are you and Anya gonna.....yknow.
When are you gonna hit that?