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Lampoons of your favourite team

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  • #16
    Found this on a Spurs site :

    Formed in 1886 by a group of para-military agitants who assumed the name of the nearby South London armaments depot, Woolwich Arsenal. They did so in the hope that deliveries intended for the depot would be re-directed to them for their nefarious activities. Their aim was to take the Football League by storm; however, being based in Plumstead meant that they had a tricky river crossing to make before they reached civilization. They were also known as Dial Square Football Club for a while, after they adopted their sponsor's name into their title. (They were a premium cost phone line for the negative, lateral passing game called "Dial Square Football") Arsenal have always been a rich club. No old leather medicine balls for them in training. Oh, no. They used, their now famous, marble balls of Highbury. In fact, when they wanted to play their football in the most fashionable part of London, the only piece of land available was a large burial mound (High-bury) in an area that was notable for it's mass graves during the Black Death of the 17th Century (i.e. Finsbury, Cannonbury, Gunnersbury). The ground was intended to be built by part-time decorators, but owing to a typographical error in the advertisement, it was built using art deco. Thus, it has the look of a pre-World War II stadium built for dictators on the continent or a base for a tacky table lamp.

    The club has always been at the forefront on innovations for the game. They were the first to play a recognised centre-half. They were the first to introduce the twin centre-halves. They became the originators of the three central defender system. One wonders just what they will come up with next !! The finest moment of their history undoubtedly came in 1971, when they completed the "Double" that they have become famous for - beating Tottenham Hotspur home and away. Since then there have been trophies along the way, but they are better known for their humiliating defeats at the hands of lesser opposition in cup competitions at home (York, Wrexham, Millwall) and in Europe (Winterslag, PAOK Salonika, Spartak Moscow). Indeed, they added to their infamous European role of shame by losing last season's UEFA Cup final to Galatasaray of Turkey in a penalty shoot-out.

    Unfairly labelled a 'negative' and 'defensive' team, they seek to recapture the halcyon days of the 1930's when the club was in the ascendancy. Ever since then, they have carried the "Lucky" Arsenal tag, which they stole from Middlesbrough Ironopolis just before they went out of existence. It is rumoured that a horse and cart involved in the construction of Highbury, are interred under the stadium, with their feet pointing upwards so the horseshoes are the right way up. For several years a family of black cats resided in the referee's dressing room, before a complaint to the FA made the club remove them. The strong links with Ireland resulted from the club sending representatives over to find a four leaf clover, but ended up forging an association with Shamrock Rovers. The drafting of players from the Emerald Isle was intended to allow some of the luck of the Irish to rub off on the other squad members.

    Overall, a team that is much loved throughout the country and one that everybody loves to see do well.

    FAMOUS PLAYERS :- Willie Young, Gus Caeser, Terry Neill, David Price, Canon B.O. Ring Esq., Malcolm Webster, David Hillier.

    FAMOUS FANS : - Jeremy Beadle (TV Prankster), Melvyn Bragg (TV Presenter and author), Rory McGrath (Comedian), Frankie Dettori (Jockey), Aled Jones (child singer); David Miliband MP, Peter Hyman MP.

    The rumour of the horse and cart is interesting as I've heard it elsewhere - minus the lucky horseshoe reference. Now they are redeveloping the old ground as flats I wonder if they found anything?