mrmitchell's NES: Tough Times

[foolish_icarus]

Take a Country and have fun. Only permanent rule seems to be that one cannot make outrageous claims if it interferes with others' plans and general enjoyment.


Russian News

2009.

Russian Authorities are happy to announce that "organized crime in Russia is no longer a problem."
In other news gulag productivity is up 65 % from last year.


The global Economic crisis has caused an increase in prices for most resouces and commodities, finally making it economically feasible for development of many of Russia's long-untapped resources. Workers are flooding into Siberia and other insanely cold, hostile parts of Russia to take advantage of the job opportunities offered. Money gained from these endeavors is being used to finance construction and maintenance projects to further support recovery efforts.
Grants and loans are being made available to such undertakings, including one notable project that will set up entire research and development centers where testing will be done on new agricultural techniques, mining and construction equipment, electronics and programming, and whatever else they can manage to sell to someone.


Economy: 55
Army: 40
Navy: 45
Air: 35
Discontent: 35
Infrastructure: 55
Education: 65

[Micha]

Originally posted by Urban Ranger
So what exactly is going on in one of these NES's thingies? There seems to be no introduction or anything like it here.

What do you mean? Do you want an introduction to "how to play a NES"? Or do you just want to know what this particular one is all about? (-> first post)

This one seems rather inactive ATM, from my side that´s because of exam time, which will lighten up this weekend.

[Urban Ranger]

So what exactly is going on in one of these NES's thingies? There seems to be no introduction or anything like it here.

[mrmitchell]

events!

by the French:
France has absorbed Andorra. Spain is not pleased, but screw them.

Discontent remains the same, but the military improves by 1 point in each area. Progress is slow.

Education goes back up by 3 points, after the government canned its most extreme propoganda push (the baby issue.) Now, it's only the private media that report how German mouths are filled with the sweet juicy flesh of children.

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of the world:

Belgium, Netherlands, and Luxembourg have formed a strong defense and trade alliance together.

The USA sees fiercer resistance in Iraq than has been noted in recent history of any occupation.

Various African republics collapsed. They are warring with each other but do not pose any more than a miniscule threat to their more stable neighbors.

Oil wells in the Alaskan National Wildlife Refuge momentarily dried up before starting to flow again. Experts do not predict that that source will last long, and environmentalists are calling it a warning sign.

[mrmitchell]

Discontinue your bickering or you will not recieve Chinese goods.

Paris News

Baby-Eating Reports Vanish
Any indication that Germans had ever feasted upon little babies' brains suddenly vanished from France. There is now no proof that Germans ever chowed down on infants, and journalists that have reported so have all been fired and forced out of France.

[Micha]

Federal Republic of Germany

NEWS

Last friday Kanzler Stoiber had settled the "headscarf" affair that was causing tumoils since more than four years. He convinced the federal court to rule a total prohibition of non-Christian religious symbols.

Simultaneously he expressed his wish to create a German constitution, which undermines the state´s autonomy.

During a public protest against the discrimination non-Christians are now facing, Stoiber ordered the military to "calm the protestors". Seven university students were killed when the first shots fell.

That incident has created fears of a second "June 17th", causing a parliament debate about a possible Chancellor-reelection.

As things went on very quickly, it´s not clear yet what had happened on last monday, but now the Bundestag (upper house of parliament) is abolished and the Bundesrat (lower house of parliament) is under control of Stoiber´s party, the CSU.

Are we facing a second fascist putch?

[foolish_icarus]

No one is watching Russian troops sneak into Kazakhstan and take it over!
No one even knew what was happening until the "Welcome to Russia!" banners went up.
Analysts worry what nation will be the next to succumb to the 'Stealth Takeover'. But they don't worry too much, because being in the Russian empire is so nice.

[foolish_icarus]

Immigrant from the crowded and poverty-stricken slums of Asia are coming into Russia, seeking a new life of prosperity, freedom, and happiness! Of course, what they actually get are crowded and poverty-stricken slums, only significantly colder, but they'll adjust. In the meantime, they are workign hard, making a living by working Russia's vast tracts of land for its agricultural and mineral resources. This is helping to sustain Russia's fragile economy and keep its vast expanses nationally united.
Or it would, anyway, were not most of Russia under the control of local organized crime syndicates who terrorize and oppress the populace. This is clearly not acceptable, as the Kremlin is the only truly legitimate authority for opressing and terrorizing the peoples of Russia.

To alleviate this problem, Moscow has announced its newest bold and origional solution: The Red Army.
Efforts are under way to buy out those mobsters willing to retire peacefully, and use force to crush those who won't, in an attempt to again bring the country firmly under central control (The people will give their consent and support of course, as is only fitting in a democratic country such as our own) by putting in place electing loyal, effective, and not too heavy handed bureaucrats and officials.


Russian Panel Suggest Compromise over Baby Eating issue

"It is a little disgusting how many babies Germans, on average, will consume." Said the project leader, Brandonovitch Ducharmsky. "I mean, Germany has one of the best fed populations on the planet, and now we hear that they've tripled their consumption? Everything in moderation, please."
The report suggest that a reasonable per capita baby consumption for a country such as Germany is "...between 2.5 and 3.2 per week" or "between 2.9 and 3.6 per week for French babies, because they are usually a little on the scrawny side and provide less sustenance."


Russia to Germany:

Hello. We adopted a new strategy for Chechenya: When they revolt, we don't actually fight them, we just surround them and play bad American music until they go insane or starve, whichever happens first. Then they are plenty willing to sign a peace treaty and settle down. Its worked well so far.


Russia to France:

We thank you for your offer, but we prefer our hearty Russian babies to your rather wimpy French babies. Or were you talking about a different commodity?



EDIT: and here are some maps

http://forums.civfanatics.com/showth...threadid=26648

[Nubclear]

To FRANCE:
Discontinue your bickering or you will not recieve Chinese goods.

[mrmitchell]

Paris News
German spies have infiltrated the border and are spreading the rumor that they do not eat babies! If you see anyone licking their fingers and saying "No, we do not eat tasty delicious babies," report them to the King.

(discontent rises by 7. 65 is a dangerously high amount. and due to the propoganda, education drops by 5 to 65)

[mrmitchell]

OCC; Don't worry about upgrading your miltiary. Remember, we're French?

Paris News

Germans continue to eat babies
Germany's baby consumption has tripled. They seem to like babies named Fahrenheit. But they think American babies are nasty.

German military pledges to eat as many French babies as possible

Orders
Increase military. Require mandatory service for all who can pass a strict exam for entrance.
Expel Germany from the EU.

To Russia
Hello new government! We greet you to Europe. Please ignore Germany if it whines about us, and we will be happy to export a valued commodity to you in return.

[Micha]

Federal Republic of Germany

From the newspaper Morgenpost (MoPo)

French claims, Germans would "consume" babies, are too absurd to deserve a response. Instead the recent anti-German propaganda campaign run by King Mrmitchell I. shows the alarming grade of aggresiveness and the lack of intellect of this leader - and sadly also some of the people there - has.
That is also represented by the sudden introduction of the ludicrous Farenheit system in France, leading to the assumption the new French "king" was instituted by the U.S. agency "CIA".
This suspicion is also supported by the recent claims, German factories would cause the environmental changes we experience. Even children know that Germany is the ONLY country in the world that has not only met the Kyoto protocol conditions, but even bettered them. Only the US don´t acknowledge that treaty. In fact, the US are the world´s biggest polluters, unmatched by any other nation.

Kanzler Stoiber today convinced the strong green/red opposition to drop their pacifist stance and to agree on a military reform of giant extents. This measure shall help to prevent further aggression by the new French state.

In related news, the last free French president Jaques Chirac was granted asylum in Germany. His efforts to bring the two neighbour nations together are not forgotten, both here and in France.

Orders
Expel France from the EU.
Publically disassociate from MoPo´s statements regarding the USA.
Reform military; Prolong compulsory military service to 3 years; Conscript women and men; Abolish the alternative civil service, replace it with a voluntary civil year.
Abolish minimum wages and price limitations to boost economy.

To Russia
Greetings to the new Russian government!
We intend to continue the long and friendly relationship with you, our eastern friends. How´s your Tchechenian war going? Is there anything we can help you with?

[mrmitchell]

PARIS NEWS
The Official News, Straight from the Unbiased and Fair+Balanced French Government
Highlights:
Gourmet Chefs Find New Use for Poodles, Page 3D
Americans in Paris Ask for Directions to Eiffel Tower, Page 1B
Germans Live Luxurious Lifestyle they Do Not Deserve, Pages 2A through 5A

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Weather
TODAY High of 101F, with low of 67F. Light rain possible.
TOMORROW High of 99F, low of 67F. Cloudless sky.
AIR QUALITY 4.2. High risk for those allergic to peanuts and peanut products.

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Weather Data Recieved for the Summer
Summer is now officially over, so the French Meteorology Board is proud to report that this summer was far milder than the past string of Burning Summers that have plagued France.

"Burning summers" are caused by global warming from the German factories and result in little to no rain and temperatures in excess of 100F. This year's was predicted to be as bad as 2003, but with the exception of the recent week has been fairly good. Seniors are still advised to stay indoors in an air-conditioned building, however.

Germans Eat Babies
Today we go over an exploding cultural trend in Germany: eating babies. One of the favorite German pastimes is to consume a baby, whole, or in parts. On every street corner in Berlin there is a stall that sells babies, usually specializing in types of babies. For example, French babies are reported to be quite delectable. King Mrmitchell I decried the baby trade today and called baby consumption a crime against humanity, ordering Germany to stop this horrible practice at once.

Monaco Absorbed
Monaco was absorbed into France. Its absorption will be a great boon to our economy. Which is already doing fine anyway.

Discontent Falls
King Mrmitchell I announced today that discontent has fallen by two points, from 60 to 58, because the public is accepting how awesome he rules. There could be no better leader than our King. He will lead us to victory against the Germa...I mean, uh, that's saved for the breaking news war edition. But he will lead us to a better economy.

[mrmitchell]

Discontent, higher numbers are worse. Remember that it's going to be naturally high because this is an NES where the world has almost gone to hell.

[mrmitchell]

Discontent, higher numbers are worse. Remember that it's going to be naturally high because this is an NES where the world has almost gone to hell.