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Hail Gaius Sulla?!

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  • Hail Gaius Sulla?!

    Hail Gaius Sulla!?

    gGaius Caesar, our troops have found a perfect spot to build our first city,h the captain of the scouts said.

    gItfs Sulla, not Caesar,h the leader said, gNo this place is only suitable for a second or third city. We will move our people to the North, into the fertile grasslands.h

    gBut Caesar,h the captain said.

    gDamn it, son, it is not Caesar, itfs Sulla. Now get those scouts heading North.h

    gBut there is a great lake to the North.h

    gThen go around it. How did you ever become a captain? Scribe are you writing this down.h

    gWell sire, I canft write it down, since we havenft discovered writing yet, but I am drawing pictures of the events and using our alphabet to put symbols next to the pictures.h

    gWhat do those symbols mean?h

    gThis one means eKf and that one eTf.h

    gHow much are we paying you? I asked for a Babylonian, some rulers have no luck,h then upon seeing the scouts were starting to head south, gThe other way, moron, thatfs south.h

    3500 BC

    gCaptain, have you found a suitable city for our capital?h

    gNo sire, just this place on the river near the ocean.h

    gWhat are those yellow weeds growing in the field north of the city?h

    gThe locals call it wheat, Sire. They say if you grind the seeds, add a little water and yeast, then bake it in ovens, it makes bread.h

    gYeast? Ovens? Bread? Well I am tired of walking. Tell the people that we will build our capital here on the south side of the river that we shall call the Tiber.h

    gYes, Sire. Shall we call the city Tiberium?h

    gNo, I think it should be Sullanople,h the leader said, gWhat do you think Scribe?h

    gSince we are the Romans, maybe we should call it Rome.h

    gRome. Not bad,h everyone present nodded.

    3500 BC Rome was found on the river Tiber.


    gYes Sire.h

    gScribe, leader is just no going to do it for me, I need a new title that will strike fear in to my foes and admiration in the people. What do you think of Delicatus Terribilis?h

    gSounds rather lame, my lord. How about Dux Ductus?h

    gNot bad,h the leader said contemplating the Scribefs suggestion, gDux Ductus Gaius Sulla. Hmm, no just doesnft have that I am important and wise ring to it. Slightly too lowbrow, maybe good for the Americans or the English, but not the Romans.h

    gOkay, what about Imperator.h

    gImperator, I like that,h the leader said, gNow I command you to learn to writing so I can see my name on all the billboards in town. And tell the Minister of Interior that we need to start building a barracks so we can train our soldiers to fight with the sticks and stones we are arming them with.h

    gAye Sire.h

  • #2
    2750 BC


    gOh no not you again, itfs Sulla, not Caesar,h the Imperator said, gNow what do you want, before I tire of you and cut your head off.h

    gWe sent settlers to the south and they have found the city of Veii, in the Estruscia valley.h

    gGood job, Captain.h

    gScribe! Are you writing this down?h

    gYes sire. And one more thing, the local magistrates have come and told me that they tire of you living in this cave. It is not fitting of their leader, so they built you a Palace.h

    gThey donft like me living in this cave? But, it is warm in the winter and cool in the summer. I have ample space for expansion, and it is very cost effective,h the Imperator said looking around his abode.

    gSire, you see the people are laughing at us, they say that we are still cavemen.h

    gCavemen, thatfs funny. But everyone in Rome lives in caves.h

    gUhm, no Sire, the people have moved into huts and some of them are building Villas, we are the last of the cave-dwellers.h

    gVillas? Huts? You mean Ifve been living in a cave, while my subjects have moved into Villas? This wonft do. Scribe start packing, we are moving, into the biggest Villa in town.h

    Rape of the Parisians

    gAlso Sire, our scouts that were sent north, have discovered a civilization called the French.h

    gThe French, great I could use some French Fries, tell them we would like to trade Writing for the secret recipe of the French fry.h

    gSire, I do believe the French fry is American.h

    gDamn then, what good are these French. What are the like?h

    gThey are a smelly lot, Sire, but if you take soap and water to their Women, they would make fine second wives or mistresses to our Roman males.h


    gYes sire,"

    "Do you have a plan written up for when we met other civilizations?h

    gYes sire.h

    gThen let me hear it.h

    gSince most men only have one wife in Rome, the plan is to attack their cities and steal their women.h

    gKind of like the Rape of the Sabine.h

    gYes sire, but in this case it is the Rape of the Parisians.h

    gI like that, send the troops North.h

    1900 BC
    Our troops attack two groups of French settlers north of Rome. A force of four archers and one warrior march to Paris to bring back a rich booty of Parisian women. Fighting outside of Paris is fierce, but the veteran Roman archers are more than a match for the French warriors and spearmen.

    1525 BC
    Paris is destroyed by Roman forces.

    1400 BC: Peace of Orleans
    Peace between the Romans and the French is concluded with Masonry, Bronze Working and workers being given to the Romans.

    gSire, let me present to you, your new wives. This one is Francoise and the blonde is Sandrine.h

    gYou were right Captain, these French women sure do clean up good. Now if we could only find some Asian women too. Oh, what is that wonderful smell?h the Imperator sniffs the air, following the scent to his new French wives.

    gOh, that, the French call it eParfumf.h
    gAnd what of the rest of the French Civilization?h

    gOnly one city remains, Orleans. Shall we destroy them, Sire?h

    gNo, have the troops watch them, but for now we let them live.h

    gYou are too kind, Sire.h


    • #3
      1275 BC
      Beneventum is found along the Volturno River, just West of Veii, in the region known as Samnium.

      1250 BC
      Lanuvium is found on the Tiber River, East of Rome.

      1100 BC: Discovery of Dye


      gYes, Sire.h

      gWhat is this? It looks like colored mud, what I am I going to do with colored mud? Grow colored wheat?h

      gNo, Sire. It is called Dye. If used correctly it can make our togas different colors.h

      gSo you mean I donft have to wear just white anymore?h

      gYes, Sire.h

      gWhat a great idea. I am sure the people will love it. We can have theme parties now when our troops come back victorious, no more boring olef white parties.h

      1050 BC: War resumes

      gSire, Captain of the Northern Legions has come with a report.h

      gBring him in.h

      gSire,h the Captain said saluting the Imperator, gThose smelly Frenchmen are sending settlers North to resettle Paris. The troops are ready.h

      gDid you tell Lady Joan of Arc that the ruins of Paris are located in our future province of Northern Latium?h

      gI did, but she just mooned me.h

      gThe insult. Roman honor requires vengeance, plus I am tiring of my old wives, and would like some new ones.h

      The Second Franco-Latin War started as Roman units under Captain Tiberius Magnus Maophorius attacked French settlers moving into territory claimed by the Romans. Captain Maoius quickly lead his forces to destroy the French city of Orleans, what was thought to be the last French city, but mysteriously Paris was rebuilt seconds later.

      950 BC
      Ostia is found in the plains North of Rome.

      750 BC: Fall of Paris II

      gSire, a post from Captain Maophorius of the Northern Army.h

      gThen read it, Scribe.h

      gImperator, we have met the enemy in the mountains near Paris II, but they were no match for us. The smelly French did put up a strong defense of their capital and loses were heavy, but we eventually destroyed the cockroaches and are sending more French women and French slaves to Rome. Also their Civilization has been crushed.h

      gI think I shall promote Maophorius. He will be Praetor of the Army.h

      gAye, Aye, Sire. I will write up the orders as soon as I can.h

      630 BC
      The City of Aesernia was built on the Ofunto River in Samnium.

      610 BC Iron is discovered by the Roman Scribes.

      gI hear that we have discovered a mysterious new metal that is stronger than bronze.h

      gYes, Sire. I was just speaking to Captain Paulus and Praetor Maophorius about it. They have written up the specifications of a new unit that will use Iron armor and weapons, called the Legion.h

      gLegion. Now that sounds tough. Tell the cities to start building Legions to replace the warriors and the archers.h

      gYes, Sire. Also Captain of the Scouts is here.h

      gLet him in.h

      The Captain of the Scouts enters the Imperatorfs palace.

      gHail Great Caesar!h

      gDamn you again? Didnft you die in the War with the French?h

      gNo Caesar, scouts donft fight.h

      gDamn. Well Captain it is Sulla, Gaius Sulla, not Caesar.h

      gI thought your name was Caesar. Then where is Caesar?h

      gHe didnft come to fight this war. Rome has other great generals Captain, like Aemilius Paulus, the two Scipios, Marius, and Pompey to name a few.h

      gHmm, I donft know any of those names, in public schools all we learned was Caesar.h

      gEnough, what do you have to say,h the Imperator asked, getting tired of the previous subject.

      gGreat Caesar, I mean Sulla, we have contact with the English in the North and the Germans in the South-East.h

      gDo any of them have pretty women like the French did?h

      gThe English, definitely not, but we are still checking out the Germans.h


      • #4
        550 BC
        City of Latium is built in the Old French territories of Latium, along the river Seine.

        490 BC
        City of Cumae is built in the North on the river Neuvo Seine. The city is also the sight of silks, which are readily welcomed in Rome.

        gOooh, the is so, so, so, silky. It feels great and we didnft even need to trade with the Chinese to get it,h the Imperator said of his new silk robes.

        gSire, I hear that many people around the Empire are enjoying their silk garments. Oh, Sire, reports from the Captain of the Scouts have the English starting to move troops in and around Cumae. Also the Iroquois have settled in the tundra north of Cumae.h

        gIroquois? What kind of people are they?h

        gReports have them as being savages, who enjoy skinning their enemies alive and making pants and shoes out of their skin.h

        gHum, I wonder if that would be more comfortable than silk,h the Imperator said sizing up his scribe.

        gSire, I donft think that it would, for some reason.h

        410 BC
        City of Neopolis is built just south of Aesernia in Samnium. Quickly workers connect Neopolis to the rest of the world and to the Iron deposits in the hills north of the city.

        City of Albanium is built in South Latium on the Seine as it heads to the Ocean.

        410 BC: First Legions Appear
        In the Roman City of Veii the first new Legion unit appears. The Imperator is on hand to witness the first legion go marching through the forum. With him are Praetor Maophorius, Captain Paulus and the scribe.

        gYes, Praetor Maophorius, these Legions look just the part. I love the shinny uniforms.h

        gI am glad you approve sire. Legions are as strong as swordsmen when attacking and stronger than spearmen in defense. I believe that when war comes again our new Legions will more than prove their metal.h

        gOh, how fabulous, a military genius who has a sense of humor,h the Imperator laughed.

        70 BC
        The city of Tarquinii is built on the ocean coast just a few milles Southeast of Rome.

        30 AD
        The city of Claudinium is built on the southern slopes of the Samnium Mountains that are located south of Aesernia. Gems are found in the mountains north of the city.

        90 AD
        The city of Bovianum is built north of Aesernia on the Samnium grasslands. It is located just three milles East of the English city of Coventry.

        250 AD: The Anglo-Latin War Erupts

        gSire, Praetor Maophorius is here to see you.h

        gSend him in.h

        The Praetor enters the private chambers of the Imperator, gGreat Sulla, the English have established a base of operations in Latium. My troops are awaiting your instructions.h

        gMaophorius, what do you think the intentions of the English are?h

        gI am only a soldier, Sire, but I believe they are interested in seizing our Silk trees by initially out flanking Cumae with their strangling base,h this was the one thing that would have the Imperator worried as he loved his silk pajamas.

        gOur silk, this is more serious than I thought, what is your plan?h

        gCaptain Paulus will lead a modest force of two archers and two legions against the enemies northern base, while I lead the main army a month later from Samnium and attack Cambridge.h

        gA sort of double crab claw,h the Imperator said.

        gI believe the term is double pinscher,h the Scribe spoke up.

        gMaophorius, do you think the Army can handle a war against the English?h

        gSire, fear not, we will win or die trying,h and at that Maophorius jumped on his horse to get the army ready.

        gSire I have a thought.h

        gWhat is it Scribe,h the Imperator asked, visibly tired from all this planning.

        gWhy donft we get some allies in this war against the English.h

        gAllies? Like whom?h

        gI do believe that we could talk the Germans into fighting with us, that way the English would have another army to worry about and make his underbelly open for Praetorfs Maophoriusf assault.h

        gWhat a novel idea, I like it, Scribe see to it, I need to rest and have my wives feed me grapes from Lanuvium.h

        The Scribe quickly got the German leader, Bismarck, to agree to a deal to join in a fight against the English. The cost was minimal, 60 gold and the Roman World Map.

        260 AD
        Captain Paulus easily defeated the English at Warwick. He quickly marched his forces against Nottingham, located in the mountains south of Cumae.

        The city of Tusculum is built on the river Nuevo Seine, completing the settling of Northern Latium.

        300 AD: The War Grows

        gSire, reports from the front, The Iroquois have joined us in the war against the English, they might be of some help against the English. But I donft think that Germans will be of any help as Egypt and Babylon have declared war on them.h

        gEgypt and Babylon? Where are they?h

        gI donft know, Sire, most likely on the other side of the Germans to the Southwest.h

        gLooks like this has grown into a World War.h

        gA half a World War is more appropriate, Sire.h

        gAny news of Praetor Maophorius?h

        gThe latest reports have him just marching from Bovianum at the head of an army of eight legions.h

        330 AD

        gReports, Sire, Praetor Maophorius reports that his legions have met the English at Cambridge and despite losing two legions his forces has razed the city and sent the survivors to Bovianum as slaves."

        gHe razed the city? We didnft he just capture it?h

        gYes sire, I am only paraphrasing, but he says, quote, eCooked our meal on a Cambridgean fire.f I believe that means he burned it. I believe the Praetor believes in flugur-bellumh

        gLightning War?h

        gYes, Lightning War, an fast, furious attack on the enemy. I believe that he might be destroying cities since it would sap his strength if he tried to hold them.h

        gMakes sense, what is he planning on doing now?h

        gHe doesnft say, but the latest from my network of scribes is that he is leading his army towards York.h


        • #5
          Aaaaaaaahh! What word processor did you copy it from??


          • #6
            But it's pretty good! Most stories like this are bad because they lack characters. I would recommend having a bit less of a historical viewpoint and do almost all with the characters. Hearing about when and where every city got founded is not interesting


            • #7
              c'mon civman, it's just like a succession game without a map
              First Master, Banan-Abbot of the Nana-stary, and Arch-Nan of the Order of the Sacred Banana.
              Marathon, the reason my friends and I have been playing the same hotseat game since 2006...


              • #8
                and what's wrong with that kind of stories ?
                "Ceterum censeo Ben esse expellendum."


                • #9
                  As I said before, give a bit more detail to big events and less to every city being built. Otherwise I think it's good though