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The Phalanx: Issue #8

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  • The Phalanx: Issue #8

    The Phalanx

    Your only reliable and trustworthy resource for news on the Spartan Federation. To quote the Spartan Battle Manual:

    Information, the first principle of warfare, must form the foundation of all your efforts. Know, of course, thine enemy. But in knowing him do not forget above all to know thyself. The commander who embraces this totality of battle shall win even with the inferior force.

    In Issue #8:

    Full Election Results Are In!

    While the Spartan Senate was already established back in MY 2116, three days ago was the first historic election for the Spartan Chamber, for which not only Citizens, but also Helots could vote. With all the votes counted, the seats in the new Chamber can be divided. Five parties will hold seats these five next years,the lengh of a legislature. On the map below is indicated which parties obtained the most votes in which constituencies.

    The most surprising result was that of the Federated Socialists supported by Captain Tassadar. On the election map they are displayed in red. Their program includes joining with the Hive, establishing a commie utopia and increasing military expenditures. It is unclear though whether they gathered so many votes because their voters in fact have separatist tendencies, or simply because they voted for the party related to the popular communist football team Twonuts Tassadar.

    Another minor but more widespread party is the Green Chiron Party. They are in favour of harmony with Planet, and show (don’t laugh) pacifist tendencies. They only achieved a plurality in Central Arcadia though. Their higher success there may be related to the strange Planet activity in that region.

    The third largest party is the Faculty for a Free Arcadia. The support for it is limited to Northern Arcadia, both in the fully incorporated Arcadian bases as in the bases of the autonomous University protectorate. They nowhere achieved more than a narrow plurality though, and as time passes it is expected that support for the Faculty will steadily decline.

    The Federation Democratic Party, one of the two coalition partners, is chaired by Colonel Riveira. It’s mainly popular in the old Spartan core. The corelands want to keep the rest of the Federation firmly under control, and is therefore protectionist, isolationist, unitary; and in favour of increasing military expenditures. Thinking of themselves as the “true Spartans”, they claim the colour black for their party. Fort Superiority is also loyal to the FDP, as that was made the economic and military centre of Arcadia thanks to policies decided in Sparta Command.

    The largest party is the Sparta Reform Coalition chaired by Colonel Googlie. Its policies are pro-Morganite (therefore with yellow as party colour), pro-commerce and pro increasing military expenditures. Most popular in the areas closest to Terrapeso, as those areas would profit most of a peace and increased commerce with the Corporation. And of course in Ironholm, which as you remember is a colony of former Morgan Industries citizens.

    When asked why he didn’t become prime minister despite chairing the largest party, Googlie replied: “I become prime minister?? Then I wouldn’t have the time to play golf anymore!” At the editorial office we all agree with his choice to enjoy the pleasures of life! We wish him and his coalition partners lots of success in their first term as government of the Spartan Federation.

    Table of Contents

    Military Recruitment Message

    JOB VACANCY : Chief Brood Trainer

    • Possess psi talents
    • Like working with animals, and love pets
    • Like outdoors activity
    • Experience with sniffing fungal spores

    Please report at your local command center for detailed information.

    Table of Contents

    Spartan Football Premier League Results

    Excitement is rising as the football season is nearing its end. With no less than three teams still in the running, the champion could well be decided on the last day.

    Here are the highlights of the Premier (and only) League matches played yesterday:


    Spartak’s three point lead lasted just three days after this defeat to old rivals Olympique.

    Spartak went close when their Laconian midfielder McDonalds headed against the bar in the 18th minute but six minutes later Olympique got the decisive goal when Arcadian Santa Maria swung in a cross from the right flank and Porto Cruz rose well at the back post to head home.

    After the break Spartak's Tegean striker Zlatan Wadisda went close twice -- shaving the post with a 20 metre drive and then having a fiercely struck free-kick saved by a full-stretch Francesco Pizzaro.


    Six goals, two red-cards but only a point for Fort Buster who were hoping to make up ground in the race for the title.

    Christian Fletcher put Benfica in front in the 14th minute but just three minutes later Standard defender Pierre Steinbach equalised and then Luigi De Luis put the visitors ahead with a twice-taken penalty.

    After Standard's Simone La Vista was dismissed, Blari Toni sent the Arcadians in level at the break after converting a spot kick.
    Fletcher was sent off for Benfica in the 68th minute but Toni's well-taken goal 10 minutes later looked to have earned a win for the home side only for André Vermeulen to equalise five minutes from the end.

    Now follow the full results from the Premier League matches from Mission Date 21690506 to .0508:

    Cercle Cratersouth 1 - Dynamo Tegea 1
    Atletico Tirith 3 - Celtic Citadel 2
    Racing Río 1 - Juventus Iaci 2
    Spartak Sparta 0 - Olympique Olympus 1
    Club Craterwest 1 - University United 2
    AC Messena 2 - Sporting Sparta 0
    Viktoria Vladivostok 2 - Twonuts Tassadar 4
    Lokomotiv Liberty 0 - Ajax Argos 0
    Grasshopper Gythium 1 - Inter Ironholm 0
    Benfica Buster 3 - Standard Superiority 3

    Table of Contents

    Chiron Wars Episode IV: The Sex ***** Strike Back

    One Sentence IC Story by members of the Junta

    (Continuing from The Phalanx #7)

    Previously in Chiron Wars...

    "Okay, in a second, when I tell you that we're all possibly going to die, try not to overreact." Zeiter hurriedly replied as he sprinted down the hallway.

    "What the hell he was talking about..." Maniac muttered while taking a close look at the object Zeiter dropped.

    In super slow-motion, Zeiter jumped at Maniac and the object and yelled, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"

    The story continues...

    Suddenly Zeiter woke up screaming, and heard a local Gaian beauty lying next to him in bed whisper sweet-voiced in his ear "Have you had a nightmare, my hero?"

    "Damn, somebody must have fungal spiked my Centauri bubbly", Zeiter proclaims, "and who the hell are you"? as he gazes at the nubile Gaian (censored)... His eyes suddenly coming into focus, Zeiter quickly added, "Er, oh, it's you, my love...yes, it was a very frightening dream...I think that cold draft has been bothering me in my sleep." as he slid deeper under the covers.

    Zeiter had only just slid under the covers, when suddenly the door to the bedroom was slammed open and a Spartan officer entered. Out of habit, Lt. Col Maniac yelled "What the HELL is going on here?" before seeing the beautiful Gaian woman on the bed and adding "Oh, excuse me, Miss but...uh...I was just trying to find Zeiter and tell him that he's wanted in the covert ops room ASAP, so if you happen to see him, you can give him that message."

    Meanwhile, Kassiopeia sat back in his chair sipping xenocoffee at the Covert Ops room and thought back to how they managed to exfiltrate from Gaian territory, and even bring back some nubile Gaian [censored] along with them - ah, the simple pleasures of life.

    The Gaian beauty looked at Zeiter in awe and wonder, and longingly wispered "Oh no, do you think this mission is going to be dangerous?"
    "Certainly dear, but do not worry, there's nothing on this planet that could keep me from coming back to you."

    And Lt Colonel Googlie, his epaulettes still crisp and golden-hued from his recent promotion, looked across at Major Kassiopeia and inquired:
    "And what are you grinning so wickedly about ............ it's got naught to do with that crate of Gaian blow-up sex dolls we intercepted, is it?

    Kassiopeia snapped to attention: "Of course not, sir, I was just reminiscing how we managed to wiggle ourselves out of Gaian territory, surrounded by thousands of search patrols for the first two hundred miles of the trip, using only chewing gum, shoe strings and fungus spores, and of course the blow-up dolls - I wonder if anyone bothered to mention to Zeiter that while they're almost like the real thing, even talk and interact and everything, that they're not really... real?"

    Googlie's eyes misted over as he thought about that episode now referred to as "The Crate Escape" when they had intercepted the slow-moving gaian tramp steamer but in turn had been nudged by the Isle of the Deep, traumatizing the crew and leaving the officers stranded on the Gaian shoreline with just their Morgan Nike-clone runners, some boxes of chewing gum that they'd been hoping to trade to the Gaians to fix the cracks on their ancient Unity Rovers ........... and the crate of blow-up dolls

    "Oh, don't go, my hero, oh please, how I desire to KILL YOU...I mean, be kissed and ravished by you!" the nubile Gaian [censored] begged to Zeiter.

    Meanwhile, back at Gaia's Landing, Professor Darsnan, the architect of the advanced AI, listened to the intercepts now feeding into his neural receptors and guffawed

    BWAHAHA ............ BWAHBWAHAHAH !!

    To be continued...

    Table of Contents

    the Sparta Reform Coalition
    the Federation Democratic Party
    the Faculty for a Free Arcadia
    the Green Chiron Party
    the Federated Socialists
    the Xenobanana Movement
    Contraria sunt Complementa. -- Niels Bohr
    Mods: SMAniaC (SMAC) & Planetfall (Civ4)

  • #2
    Cercle and Club!
    He who knows others is wise.
    He who knows himself is enlightened.
    -- Lao Tsu

    SMAC(X) Marsscenario


    • #3
      the elections results is very origional

      -=/+\ Wuy3 /+\=-


      • #4
        Meanwhile, back at Gaia's Landing, Professor Darsnan, the architect of the advanced AI
        How characteristic to the big D..
        -- What history has taught us is that people do not learn from history.
        -- Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.


        • #5
          No votes for the Green Chiron Party??
          Where are all the Gaians?
          Contraria sunt Complementa. -- Niels Bohr
          Mods: SMAniaC (SMAC) & Planetfall (Civ4)


          • #6
            At war with the Spartans, perhaps?
            He who knows others is wise.
            He who knows himself is enlightened.
            -- Lao Tsu

            SMAC(X) Marsscenario