Still alive

[kentonio]

It's just guilt. I had an ex who at the end of our relationship ended up in exactly that kind of cycle of endless lies. She was still a decent person but she'd just got so tied up in a situation she knew wasn't morally ok that she ended up having to lie constantly to both me and herself to self-justify it.

It's more sad than anything else. Hopefully her mum can cut through the bull**** and yank her back to reality for you.

[Ben Kenobi]

Get a lawyer, Pekka. Best advice I can give.

[Pekka]

It's just guilt. I had an ex who at the end of our relationship ended up in exactly that kind of cycle of endless lies. She was still a decent person but she'd just got so tied up in a situation she knew wasn't morally ok that she ended up having to lie constantly to both me and herself to self-justify it.

It's more sad than anything else. Hopefully her mum can cut through the bull**** and yank her back to reality for you.

I think so, too. I suspect she might have some traits of narcissism as well, it would make so much sense. I don't know though...

And to get a lawyer... this kind of **** is eating away my energy that I so need... I could have had a supportive wife that together with we will get through this illness OR we can always start a psychotic reality competition. What BS....

[Bereta_Eder]

My humble opinion is that she seems to be scared out of her mind.
Hopefully her mother will be able to ground her because she has completely "lost" it and she says extremely stupid/hurtful things that are not helping at all to say the least.

[Sava]

.

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[C0ckney]

And to get a lawyer... this kind of **** is eating away my energy that I so need... I could have had a supportive wife that together with we will get through this illness OR we can always start a psychotic reality competition. What BS....

it is bull****. you've been treated very badly in all this. nonetheless it is now necessary to protect both your and your children's interests, even though it will take energy, it's the right thing to do. it's the only thing to do.

there's not a lot that any of us can do, beside give advice and offer words of sympthy. i know it's not much, but i hope you take some comfort from it. we're all rooting for you man.

[Pekka]

it is bull****. you've been treated very badly in all this. nonetheless it is now necessary to protect both your and your children's interests, even though it will take energy, it's the right thing to do. it's the only thing to do.

there's not a lot that any of us can do, beside give advice and offer words of sympthy. i know it's not much, but i hope you take some comfort from it. we're all rooting for you man.

I keep spamming but I'm quite scared and desperate here. Tomorrow we'll go to her mother's, whcih is a HUGE relief for me. I'm really waiting to see her again.

In any case, I saw a glimmer of hope today. I figure I'm dealing with a sick person or person who is temporarily sick/insane. I have to see what I can do to help her but in the meanwhile protect the kids, house and myself.

She is totally lying to me and trying to lash out on me on weird stuff like she got angry to me and said how much she hates me for always "wanting to talk, to sort it out". And a minute later "you never talk to me"... nad then "You know i was actually JUST coming to see you in your room today just to hug you but you were talking to a phone and now - forget it!". Which is a total lie, I was on the phone with my mom, yes, but she did not come there to hug me, I told her in her face "I do not believe you, I'm sorry but I don't believe you and I do not trust you". She had a completely blank stare, did nto care.

So to me that is jsut playing with my feelings, as in "You might have had a chance but you just blew it you idiot!" I don't believe that for one second.So of course this kind of behavior is not normal, it's not even hatred at this point, she has lost it. And for good reasons.

Naturally I will work to forgive her, but I will never accept the things and done to me and the kids. That will be the punishment for her, she has to know it and live with it. But I will forgive her regardless. But she absolutely has to agree to therapy and the best that they have to offer. And stop this nonsense at once. I will have none of it. I'm VERY tired now.

I've been alone for a month, lied, manipulated (probably for a longer time), I've been shouted at, threatened, accused of scary things (such as you are being aggressive now as a lie), and just a lot of unacceptable stuff. I'd say this IS very much abuse. If we didn't have kids, yes I would leave her. As we are married, I'd probably see the mental professional angle first, to giver her a chance but if no commitment to it, it would be Sayonara!

I guess I'm saying is that it's really not her fault. She has to take some responsibility over it though. And she has to admit to cheating on me if it is true and tell me how she got involved, with who, if protection was used every single time and how long it has been goign on, and if our home was violated.

And then I will do my last honorable thing that will, at teh same time, ruin my record, and abstain killing that person.

[rah]

Trying to get all the facts and getting them isn't going to help. It will only make things worse.

It's over and the sooner you accept it the sooner you can protect everything else that is important to you.

[Sava]

Trying to get all the facts and getting them isn't going to help. It will only make things worse.

It's over and the sooner you accept it the sooner you can protect everything else that is important to you.

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

And she has to admit to cheating on me if it is true and tell me how she got involved, with who, if protection was used every single time and how long it has been goign on, and if our home was violated.

No. Leave it. This is already over. You're just going to open up new wounds.

[Pekka]

No. Leave it. This is already over. You're just going to open up new wounds.

True, but the unfortunatey reality is that I'm not such a hot ticket in the market anymore. Like... I think the best thing is to forgiver her and plead insanity for her. I do want her back. of course there are conditions, that is she has to respect our marriage (kind of difficult because she hasn't done it now). She will be in line for some while because her mother is watching her now like a hawk. She doesn't accept this kind of BS. One reason I was extremely glad to see her, and will be tomorrow.

[Dinner]

You need to prioritize and making her tell you about the cheating won't make it better or improve the situation. Marital counseling might and it seems like she really does need to see a psychologist because she has some very big issues which she obviously is unable to deal with on her own.

[Pekka]

True. I don't know. I just think it's so disgusting I want her out of the house. The man he was cheating me with is from her work, (of course social workers, both), and he KNOWS my situation, so what kind of an ******* goes and ****s a married woman with kids, whose man is in last stages of cancer, IN their bed? What the hell? I mean, a severe beating is not enough of a punishment. Srsly, it's that simple, she's out. I can't deal with that anymore. And then she goes and kisses our kids with that mouth. She was married to me LESS than A YEAR before cheating. Cheating probably started on Feb, so... that makes it like... 8 months. Didn't take long, did it?

[dannubis]

Are you sure of the post above ?

And if the answer to my question is yes, why do you want to spend your life with that kind of person ?

[C0ckney]

Like... I think the best thing is to forgiver her and plead insanity for her. I do want her back.

it's hard for me to even imagine what your situation is like, but i don't think that the chance of (maybe) not dying alone is worth all the heartache, bitterness and pain you're planning to put yourself through.