Still alive

[DaShi]

I'm sorry to hear this Pekka. Have you considered going on a chemo-fueled rampage? What have you got to lose?

[Aeson]

While this thread is in the OT, I hope we can all maintain a respectful tone while posting in it.

Pekka, I hope you are able to find a way to still spend time with your kids. Their financial future may be more in their own hands than you'd like, but that's not a bad thing if they end up anything like their father... they will do well in life for themselves

[Ben Kenobi]

Well, since I'm not allowed to say what I really feel, I think Pekka's been handed a raw deal. PM me anytime, you're a good man, you deserve a woman who loves and stands by her family.

[Pekka]

THe bright side is that she has been angry and cold for a long time now, so maybe this is better for her. Then again, I suspect the anger part is more of a process of getting away from me.

Not sure if I can set up a trust fund like that, laws and regulations here are weird concerning inheriting etc. I'll have to find out though.

Didn't sleep much last night.... it's jsut now really hitting me. It's not so much that she is leaving me, even though that sucks as well, it is all about the kids. Like... their summer vacation starts tomorrow. And I had planned that I'd take them fishing and a picnic (maybe some swimming too). A fun day, right? Well, she does not agree. She has already set up a night out with her friend in the city, and she says her sister will take the kids for tomorrow. And yesterday she told me they will be going to a zoo with the kids tomorrow, so there goes me plan to take them fishing I don't want to let them see but I wanted to cry. THe first time I have actually felt sorry for myself during these years of illness, etc.

Inside I melted... I wanted to ask with what right an authority are you taking the kids to your sister while going on a night out? This is their first summer vacation day and it seems we both had plans, now, we have to negotiate or agree how to do this, right? I get to go to the zoo as well, we all go fishing, 50/50? I don't know why I am not welcome to my own kids' first summer day It is psosible that this is my last summer anyway, it's not that I then would require soem sort of right by default to hog the kids for the summer but come on! Not even a fishing trip? ****! She's the one going drinking! And I'll have to spend the first day without the kids then? Why does her sister get the kids, I am their father. At this rate, her relatives and their boy and even girlfriends spend more time with my kids than I do, and that's just wrong. None of this I can really say, because it's like throwing bombs to a fire so... and then I really don't get to see the kids after that :Aargh:

I asked if she'd go to a marriage councellor with me, we are married, have kids, we owe it to the kdis at least to see a third party first. She's "doing yoga in a park" so unreachable at the moment. We'll see. I'm afraid she'll be unreachable for the whole day.

[Pekka]

I could go on a chemo rampage, I'm sure they would not convict me, but nah... too much hassle.

It sucks because at moments like these (if you're ill), what you often do is think of the memories you want to leave behind. It becomes kind of important. So no rampage. No heated arguments, that's not what I want.

My mom is in shock as I todl her yesterday. I also told her that we need to be sure that she won't inherit all of us. Because she does not deserve ti and she is bad with money. So now I'm having not-so-pleasant discussions with my mom and dad about how we all should do our wills so that my kids will inherit us. I'm telling you, a week ago, or even a few days ago, I did not imagine my Tuesday going like this. I figured I be setting up the fishing trip for tomorrow I want our fishing trip, that's the memories I want to give and have... No one person should have this kind of power to just decide themselves, it's cruel and wrong.

[dannubis]

Pekka, as difficult as it is now, you need to talk to a lawyer. Not for your sake, not out of revenge or spite, but for your children. They deserve (a memory of) their father. They need it.

You are a good man, Pekka. I wish you well...

[Pekka]

I actually just want to go fishing with my kids. And few other similar events this summer. That would be enough (for now).

I'm quicky realising that marginalising me will fade away any memories they have of me, and because she is leaving me, she probably won't be telling lots of stories about me ot the kids More like "it was hard, he was great, the illness was very tough on us all"... etc. Avoiding the **** thath is going on NOW. I still remember the day my daughter was born and how I felt happy about it (still do), that even if I have to die early, I have a beautiful daughter. Mission accomplished, in a way. Then I got a son, and I felt the same way, but an added feeling of now my daughter does not have to go on about this alone, she has a sibling. A protector even. They will survive together, they will be strong! And then they will have great memories with us together, and that is ALL that mattered.

To this day it was all that mattered. So now I realise I will cease to exist to them soon. I'll be their biological father, who was very ill, and there's few pictures of him. And that's about it. And that is what the worst kind of torture is, at least if you want to torture me. This is all I care about, it should not be taken away from me with a snap of fingers.

[C0ckney]

At this rate, her relatives and their boy and even girlfriends spend more time with my kids than I do, and that's just wrong. None of this I can really say, because it's like throwing bombs to a fire so... and then I really don't get to see the kids after that

i think you should say it, in quite forceful terms if necessary. it's one thing to keep the peace, but there's no peace to keep. take your kids fishing man.

[Bereta_Eder]

You're still their guardian Pekka.
She is violating a bunch of laws by what she is doing.
If you have access to a lawyer, he can confirm it.
That's abandonment of domicile, even "kidnapping" (although the term is probably not this one).
I'd say try to reason with her.
If that fails maybe think about being forceful and "threaten" her with immediate legal action due to the fact that you're ill and you have to be fast. Every legal representative will see it that way too.
best of luck...
and biological fathers always remain a big part of a childs life. always.

[kentonio]

You could also point out that if it comes to legal action it's likely to burn up a lot of the money she'll be inheriting otherwise. Even if it's completely an empty threat, it might be enough to make her compromise a little.

[pchang]

Go to the sister's house. If she refuses to let you in, tell her you will call the police and that they will force her to let you have your kids back. Then, do just that.

[Pekka]

This all is quite tempting, but I'd rather follow my usual strategy, which is to keep quiet, follow closely and have as many open opportunities as possible. Hopefully this makes sense? In short, I want to avoid direct confrontation, we'll both lose. I have to define what I want and then plan on how to get it. Find out what she wants and see where that leaves us.

I think if I go out guns blazing, we'll just cancel each other out, or at the very least, I won't reach all my goals. and what is for certain is that it will be bad for the kids.

And no, I won't let her take the kids just like that. We ARE going for the fishing trip tomorrow. These things sometimes means that I might have to bend a bit, adapt when I don't like it but to me it equals not giving up. So I we're going fishing, and we have to wake up quite early so the kids get back home early enough for the trip to the zoo. The kids win, they get to fish, and get to go to the zoo. THey don't know what's going on in the background but they don't need to, not now. It's jsut fish and zoo, they win tomorrow.

I don't mean to have a stalking strategy but rather being extra patient (no pun intended). I'm strong now, cancer wise. Cancer has nothing on me anymore. It's scary for sure but cancer + this? I guess I'lljut live forever now, just to piss everyone off... and not out of spite, but at least I have lots of evils now I have to battle. Suddenly my head does not hurt a bit. I'm not even afraid of going to the doctor's appointment. What are they going to tell me? That I have a serious cancer? No ****! And it's in the brain, where I have been operated several times before? Uuuuuuh, ooooh... not the brain! Not the operations. Well of course it's scary stuff, but let's just say there are worse things than dying, or dying of this disease, or dying alone. All I know is that the kdis are sleeping in this house right now in the room me and my dad built with our hands. And that's all I care about. YEs, my wife is sleeping here as well, but she can sleep here as long as she wants to. THe longer she sleeps here, the longer the kids are here as well. And this is an interesting cross road: 1) I'll either die, in which case everything went as was meant. Did not die alone after all. Or 2) I stay healthy, which is always a good option. So now I do have options, to be positive about it: 1) get to be with the kids, 2) be healthy, 3) not die alone. So the way I see it, in fact I can't lose!

The only way that I would lose is if she brought some dudes here and have sex with them, which of course won't happen. I think this one will be resolved not by punching a lot but actually looking at all directions and pulling punches as much as possible.

[Pekka]

In this country, father's have no rights. We are NOT equal in front of a judge, this is a known fact.

[DaShi]

I agree with your instincts on this Pekka. Fight it, but fight it calmly and rationally. Focus on what's important and ignore the petty things. Save all the rage for the clocktower.

Pekka, question. Is your wife the same girl you told that brilliant piss your pants joke to a long time ago?

[notyoueither]

Talk to a lawyer and start throwing bombs, Pekka. In that order. Don't do anything silly, but talk to a lawyer ASAP.