[serious] I don't know what to do.

[MikeH]

Really sorry HC.

[-Jrabbit]

A good cry is healthy. The first time someone close to you dies, it assaults your entire view of reality. The sense of loss is palpable, especially when it's out of the blue like this. But you will get through it and eventually, the world will start to make sense again.

I'm very sorry for your loss, HC. Hang in there, man.

[Hauldren Collider]

My high school friends (all of whom are mutual friends of Zach, and most of whom are in the picture) are all meeting home in Fairfax this weekend. I can't go, unfortunately. Most are just driving north from colleges in Virginia, but one is flying all the way from Tucson. I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who can't go ( ), but they're gonna see if they can Skype me in somehow with a webcam. Not the same, but it's the best I can do. At this point I've heard from everyone but Zach's girlfriend at Virginia Tech, but she is with her mother so I know she will be OK.

I feel better now. Still hurts whenever I am reminded of him. Turns out, under very unique circumstances, Arrested Development can be un-funny.

[The Mad Monk]

Condolences , glad to see you're working your way through.

[DaShi]

I feel better now. Still hurts whenever I am reminded of him. Turns out, under very unique circumstances, Arrested Development can be un-funny.

I know you're grieving now, but don't say things you'll regret later.

[Dr Strangelove]

Sorry this happened. Is it possible he was having trouble with the relationship with his girlfriend?

Regarding what to do, the best thing to do is to go on with your life. Recent studies of grieving show that the three stages of grieving are pretty much fictional. Most people don't go through the 3 stages, people who do, especially those who get angry, do worse in the long run than people who keep going with their lives.

[Asher]

Given the time of year, I'm sure the stresses of a tough school away from home took their toll.

[Hauldren Collider]

The funeral is set for this Sunday. Fortunately I'm pretty sure I can go. I could tell my friend Elizabeth was back to her normal chipper self (at least mostly) when she started sending me puppy pictures again (). We're all doing a lot better. Still rattled, but we're coming back together over this and the silver lining seems to be that our friendships have all been strengthened by going through this together. If that makes any sense. I'm just glad that this event pulled all of us together instead of pushing us apart.

We'll still be sad whenever we think of Zach, and I shudder to think what his family is going through. But I'm confident that given enough time we'll all be okay. Which is good.

[Ben Kenobi]

Good to hear that HC. Like I said, feel free to write me whenever.

[Hauldren Collider]

Get the **** out of my thread, Ben. The only thing worse than having a close friend commit suicide is wanting to the do same thing after reading your ****ing posts.

[Ben Kenobi]

Get the **** out of my thread, Ben.

Peace and blessings, HC. Like I said I've been through the wringer myself. Take care!

[Zevico]

Sorry to read about it HC. I'd advise you to talk about this with your close family and friends if you haven't already; and do so again if you want to. No man is an island and the people who understand you best will likely help you understand how to deal with it move on. I try to remember the good, kind and funny things the people I know who have passed away have done and I think it is the best thing to do.

[Hauldren Collider]

Can't believe it's already been a year. It's stupid that such an arbitrary amount of time passing should make me feel down, but it does. RIP, friend

[-Jrabbit]

So sorry, man. Weirdly, I attended and spoke at a memorial service for an old friend today. Brilliant guy, a self-taught HTML programmer who brought my old company onto the Web in the mid-90s. When "that Web thing" was determined to be my department, Dick O'Brien reported to me for about 10 years. He was a curmudgeon with no family, but we managed to hit it off, forging a bond over mutual interests in music and science fiction and love of technology. He was a total free spirit, a political activist in the 60s, part of Abbie Hoffman's original Chicago 7 gang (Youth International Party, the "yippies") who came to the city to make trouble during the 1968 Democratic national convention. Before that, he served in the army - stationed in Germany (not Vietnam). He was fighting for life for a year after a 'cardiac event' last April. Even though I separated from my old corporate ties 8 years ago, his death over the weekend hit me hard.

My point is this: You have experienced a major loss, and the memories remain. After a year, there is still pain. It happened to me with a high school friend who died my senior year -- so hard to make sense of it. But you're actually at the point in life where relationship events will, for the next decade or two, be predominantly about marriages, births, and career/academic progress. Embrace it all.

Because when you get to my end of the spectrum (I'm 59), it's difficult to get through so much as a month without dealing with loss -- of friends, of family, of personal icons. Yes, I'm jaded to the point where I'm hardened to a lot of the pain, but it never really stops. And that's probably good, although it didn't feel good, speaking at the memorial today. Still, it was cathartic, and I reconnected with old friends I seldom see. My point, such as it is, is that you should embrace it all -- the joy and the pain.

We are all stuck in this damned human condition. Just remember this: the more you put into it, the more you get out of it -- again, both the joy and the pain.

I'm sorry for your loss.

[Hauldren Collider]

Thanks JRabbit. Your words mean a lot.

I am not feeling good right now. All of the sudden I feel like I have a lot going on. Some of the friends in that picture--we don't talk anymore. Even though we told each other we'd stick together after what happened, some just haven't. I guess they moved on. Makes me sad, but I don't think there is anything I can do about it. Maybe that makes it worse. I've been in college two years now and I can't say I have any friendships that are as good as the friendships I made in high school, I feel a little alone here at CMU. This is a bit of a painful reminder of that. Maybe I don't get out enough. Who knows.

God, I must be the only person who thought high school was easier than college, socially.

[Alexander's Horse]

sorry to hear that HC, losing a friend so young is hard and crying is healthy and normal. One thing to remember is not to blame yourself if it turns out he took his own life. It's very hard to tell what is going on with people. Remember the good times.

[Hauldren Collider]

Thanks AH, seems like you are responding to the OP--that was a year ago, and yes it was a suicide. I never blamed myself. I don't feel guilty about it. I just miss the guy.

[Alexander's Horse]

Oh still glad you're okay

[Ben Kenobi]

Can't believe it's already been a year. It's stupid that such an arbitrary amount of time passing should make me feel down, but it does. RIP, friend

Not strange at all, HC. I always feel like **** on the 5th of December every year.

I must be the only person who thought high school was easier than college, socially

Not at all.

Felt the same myself when I was in university. Then I had friends and we all sort of went our own ways. Can't recall the last time I saw a friend from before - must be three years now.

Sorry you're going through a rough patch HC. I know how I felt in second year university was the hardest time for me in my life.

[-Jrabbit]

I feel a little alone here at CMU. This is a bit of a painful reminder of that. Maybe I don't get out enough. Who knows.

God, I must be the only person who thought high school was easier than college, socially.

You're not. Trust me on this. 30-40 years downstream, I'm in touch with more HS friends than college.

Consider reaching out to old friends in the photo. Maybe an online memorial via social media? Even if it's just a post on your FB page, it might help. Express yourself; tell them it's there; it may be a trigger that pulls some of the group back together.

Anyway, hang in there. And thanks for sharing.

[Docfeelgood]

Hang tough,be strong

[MrFun]

One of my best friends just died. He was freshman at Yale. Just about a week ago I talked to him about microfiche plates and programming in Python and now he's gone. They don't know how he died yet, some think it was a suicide, but I refuse to believe that.

He was one of the coolest kids I've ever met, friendly to everyone, could always make anyone smile and I'm not exaggerating. Also incredibly bright. Liked to play the guitar. I was looking forward to seeing him again this summer and now I know that won't be possible.

I don't know how to handle this. I feel absolutely awful and am crying right now. So I feel pitiful too, wondering if that's normal or just pathetic. Does anyone here have any experience with this. Please no jokes.