Atheist pet adoption service

[loinburger]

Eternal Earthbound Pets

You've committed your life to Jesus. You know you're saved. But when the Rapture comes what's to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.

We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each
Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you've received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.

We are currently active in 20 states and growing. Our representatives have been screened to ensure that they are atheists, animal lovers, are moral / ethical with no criminal background, have the ability and desire to rescue your pet and the means to retrieve them and ensure their care for your pet's natural life.

We currently cover the following states:
Maine,New Hampshire, Vermont, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Michigan, Arkansas, Mississippi, Tennessee, Kentucky, Colorado, Oklahoma, Kansas, Washington, Oregon, Idaho and Montana ... and growing.

Our service is plain and simple; our fee structure is reasonable.
For $110.00 we will guarantee that should the Rapture occur within ten (10) years of receipt of payment, one pet per residence will be saved. Each additional pet at your residence will be saved for an additional $15.00 fee. A small price to pay for your peace of mind and the health and safety of your four legged friends.

Unfortunately at this time we are not equipped to accommodate all species and must limit our services to dogs, cats, birds, rabbits, and small caged mammals.

Thank you for your interest in Eternal Earth-Bound Pets. We hope we can help provide you with peace of mind.

[SlowwHand]

There is so much to criticize that it will be easier to point out good things.

1) Nice try
2) That about covers it.

[loinburger]

You are an absolutely horrible poster. I wish you would just put me and every other poster on ignore so that you would have much less stimuli to trigger your idiotic responses.

[Imran Siddiqui]

Great business model

Using your brain

[loinburger]

Good business model, but I think they're aiming too low - I imagine that a rapture insurance policy that pays out to your mistress when you're raptured away would be worth quite a lot of money. (Presumably you wouldn't marry anybody who isn't rapture ready.)

[Imran Siddiqui]

Well that's for the expansion of the business. Need to start small to get some regular capital inflows first, I would think. Then go for rapture insurance when a client base is established for the pets.

[Guynemer]

This is ****ing brilliant.

[Elok]

Hardly. Nobody who believes in the Rapture is going to believe that atheists are capable of being moral or ethical, and once they're raptured they have no means of punishing noncompliance until the Final Judgment. Also, most of the Darbyite crowd believe in a fairly literal interpretation of Revelation, and I for one doubt whether even a diehard PETA nut would stop to look after some stranger's gerbil once the giant man-headed locusts showed up.

[DinoDoc]

Pfft. All Dogs go to Heaven.

[Wezil]

I'm taking my pets with me.

It's just the way it is.

[Riesstiu IV]

Sorry Wezil, weasels are widely known for their belief in reincarnation and the karma system.

[Wezil]

That's okay. So long as ferrets live forever.

[Riesstiu IV]

Ferrets... weasels... same damn critters.

[SlowwHand]

Hardly. Nobody who believes in the Rapture is going to believe that atheists are capable of being moral or ethical, and once they're raptured they have no means of punishing noncompliance until the Final Judgment. Also, most of the Darbyite crowd believe in a fairly literal interpretation of Revelation, and I for one doubt whether even a diehard PETA nut would stop to look after some stranger's gerbil once the giant man-headed locusts showed up.

Loinburger, jump up my ass.

[Kuciwalker]

This is ****ing brilliant.

qft