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Butts Charged With Stealing Toilet Paper

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  • Butts Charged With Stealing Toilet Paper

    MARSHALLTOWN, Iowa (AP) - Police blame a woman named Butts for stealing toilet paper from a central Iowa courthouse, and while they're chuckling, the theft charge could put her in prison.

    "She's facing potentially three years of incarceration for three rolls of toilet paper," Chief Lon Walker said, stifling a laugh as he talked to KCCI-TV about Suzanne Marie Butts. "See, I can't say it with a straight face."

    Workers had noticed the rolls disappearing from the Marshall County Courthouse much faster than usual, Walker said.

    Butts, 38, was caught last week after an employee saw her taking three rolls of two-ply tissue from a storage closet, Walker said.

    Butts insisted it was the first time she'd pilfered toilet paper, but she declined to answer further questions on her attorney's advice.

    The fifth-degree theft charge, a misdemeanor, normally carries a sentence of less than a year in jail. But Butts could face more time if convicted under the state's habitual offender law because she has prior theft convictions.

    Walker did not know why Butts was at the courthouse, but said that she did not work there.

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    Captain of Team Apolyton - ISDG 2012

    When I was younger I thought curfews were silly, but now as the daughter of a young woman, I appreciate them. - Rah

  • #2
    lock her up and throw away the key!
    Monkey!!!

    Comment


    • #3
      Is her husband's name Seymour?
      The cake is NOT a lie. It's so delicious and moist.

      The Weighted Companion Cube is cheating on you, that slut.

      Comment


      • #4
        Give this poor woman a chance. If she has a previous record too, I say they should wipe it clean
        Speaking of Erith:

        "It's not twinned with anywhere, but it does have a suicide pact with Dagenham" - Linda Smith

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        • #5
          3 years, what a joke. The punishment does not fit the crime.
          In da butt.
          "Do not worry if others do not understand you. Instead worry if you do not understand others." - Confucius
          THE UNDEFEATED SUPERCITIZEN w:4 t:2 l:1 (DON'T ASK!)
          "God is dead" - Nietzsche. "Nietzsche is dead" - God.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by DRoseDARs
            Is her husband's name Seymour?
            I sure hope so
            This space is empty... or is it?

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            • #7
              what kind of ass would steal toilet paper? only a dingleberry imho.
              "I hope I get to punch you in the face one day" - MRT144, Imran Siddiqui
              'I'm fairly certain that a ban on me punching you in the face is not a "right" worth respecting." - loinburger

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Pekka
                3 years, what a joke. The punishment does not fit the crime.
                Do you know what "habitual offender" means? In many states you get one extra year on a felony sentence for each felony before. Basically you're being punished for recidivating.
                <Reverend> IRC is just multiplayer notepad.
                I like your SNOOPY POSTER! - While you Wait quote.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Provost Harrison
                  Give this poor woman a chance. If she has a previous record too, I say they should wipe it clean
                  Order of the Fly
                  Those that cannot curse, cannot heal.

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                  • #10
                    It's a minor offense. The system ought to turn the other cheek. Leave this thing behind. Tell her to have a seat, explain that this has got to end. Bottom line ma'm, you'll end up nothing but a bum if you continue like this. Then escort her quietly out the back.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Winston
                      It's a minor offense. The system ought to turn the other cheek. Leave this thing behind. Tell her to have a seat, explain that this has got to end. Bottom line ma'm, you'll end up nothing but a bum if you continue like this. Then escort her quietly out the back.


                      FTW!
                      "I hope I get to punch you in the face one day" - MRT144, Imran Siddiqui
                      'I'm fairly certain that a ban on me punching you in the face is not a "right" worth respecting." - loinburger

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        DP!

                        [/Slowwhand]
                        Is it me, or is MOBIUS a horrible person?

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                        • #13
                          Winston takes a commanding lead.
                          Captain of Team Apolyton - ISDG 2012

                          When I was younger I thought curfews were silly, but now as the daughter of a young woman, I appreciate them. - Rah

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                          • #14
                            I can't be arsed with this competition...
                            Speaking of Erith:

                            "It's not twinned with anywhere, but it does have a suicide pact with Dagenham" - Linda Smith

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              yeah some of us have lives. not me, but other people might.

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