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Thread: Sex With Dead Deer is NOT Bestiality

  1. #61
    LordShiva
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    If not, and if it happened by, say, coming into contact with chimp blood somewhere, should we outlaw walking in jungles where chimps may have scratched themselves? In the interest of public health, of course.
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    Richelieu
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    Nah. Just require that a prophylactic suit be used in these regions.
    What?

  3. #63
    Wezil
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    Originally posted by Lorizael

    Did he do the deed with the deer on the side of the road or did he take it back to his place first?
    A little dinner and dancing, then home for some ********.

    Edit: Wow! That gets censored?
    "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow
    "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

  4. #64
    Richelieu
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    Originally posted by Wezil


    A little dinner and dancing, then home for some ********.

    Edit: Wow! That gets censored?
    That's what a Conservative government will get you! Vote Dion!
    What?

  5. #65
    Wezil
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    "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow
    "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

  6. #66
    Stuie
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    Hathaway, who previously has served time for killing a horse he intended to sexually assault...
    Recidivist!

    They should have a website identifying these people; the animals deserve to know if one is living in their neck of the woods. Of course, they shouldn't be allowed to live within a mile of zoos, safari parks or any type of stabling.
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  7. #67
    Ogie Oglethorpe
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    Originally posted by Richelieu
    Nah. Just require that a prophylactic suit be used in these regions.
    Leave it to the Germans to be Johnny on the Spot Engineers to prevent such a future outbreak.

    The Spray-On Condom
    from Health and Wellbeing (202 articles)

    December 4, 2006 Researchers at the German Institute for Condom Consultancy plan to launch a spray-on condom – the Institute is currently conducting tests on a spray can into which the man inserts his penis which is then sprayed with latex from nozzles on all sides. The plan is to make the product ready for use in about five seconds and offer a more effective contraceptive that fits better than standard one-size fits all condoms and hence does not slip. Pre-market trials are underway to demonstrate the new latex condom is evenly spread when sprayed and to optimise the vulcanization process. The company is seeking Condom Testers with a penis length from 9 to 12 cm and 15 to 20 cm. Men between 13 to 14 cm are apparently welcome too, so we presume there must be some other qualification ‘cos that includes just about everyone. We could think of worse jobs, and if any Gizmag readers get the gig, please don’t forget to send us your business card. Video (in German) here.

    Designed and marketed in cooperaation with Vinico and Qualo Design, the aim of the partnership is to develop the perfect condom for men that's suited to every size of penis.

    The company had hit upon the idea when considering the difficulties some people faced using condoms, and drew inspiration from spray-on medical dressings and bandages now used in medicine.

    The condom spray can is expected to reach market in 2008 for a price of around EUR 20 (US$27) and will offer around 20 applications. Replacement cartridges are expected to cost half the initial purchase price for the entire pack, and will be offered in different strengths and colours. We can’t wait for the marketing department to finish its deliberations on the “strength grades” – athletic, sedate, sack-of-potatoes?

    Course they're only looking for testers up to 20 cms.

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  8. #68
    SlowwHand
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    Nothing like spontaneity.
    Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.
    "Hating America is something best left to Mobius. He is an expert Yank hater.
    He also hates Texans and Australians, he does diversify." ~ Braindead

  9. #69
    Ogie Oglethorpe
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    5 seconds baybe!!
    "Just puttin on the foil" - Jeff Hanson

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  10. #70
    SlowwHand
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    I don't guess dead deer will care how long it takes, will they?
    Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.
    "Hating America is something best left to Mobius. He is an expert Yank hater.
    He also hates Texans and Australians, he does diversify." ~ Braindead

  11. #71
    Richelieu
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    That's sick Sloww...
    What?

  12. #72
    Ogie Oglethorpe
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    Well can't let them cool down too much. Else you needs to insert your hand warmer in there.
    "Just puttin on the foil" - Jeff Hanson

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  13. #73
    Elok
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    Did I say anything about prison? Fine the dirty buggers when you catch 'em. We don't need more criminal perverts in jail, giving dead-deer germs to everyone around them. I'm not only thinking of catching the next AIDS or something, either. I'd be very surprised if there weren't plenty of garden-variety diseases which could be picked up via prolonged and "intimate" contact with the unsanitized carcass of a wild animal. If it were only an outside chance of a previously unknown Invariably Fatal Carcass Humper Syndrome (IFCHS), this wouldn't be much of an issue.

    And no, I don't care about the right to privacy of people who screw dead animals. Your rights end when they have the potential to harm others, especially when the potential harm done is far in excess of the benefit derived from the activity. There may be practical considerations when it comes to enforcing this, but the ACLU's got nothing to defend this with afaic.
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  14. #74
    LordShiva
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    Would it be OK if the "offenders" practised safe sex?
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    DO NOT THAN DISPUT3 ON THEM 3XCAPT BY WAY OF AN 3XTARNAL DISPUTA!!!!11!! WTF

  15. #75
    Sandman
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    What if they cooked the animal first?

  16. #76
    Lorizael
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    Originally posted by Elok
    Did I say anything about prison? Fine the dirty buggers when you catch 'em. We don't need more criminal perverts in jail, giving dead-deer germs to everyone around them. I'm not only thinking of catching the next AIDS or something, either. I'd be very surprised if there weren't plenty of garden-variety diseases which could be picked up via prolonged and "intimate" contact with the unsanitized carcass of a wild animal. If it were only an outside chance of a previously unknown Invariably Fatal Carcass Humper Syndrome (IFCHS), this wouldn't be much of an issue.
    Again, though, there's the arbitrary distinction drawn between sex with an animal and other risky activities with an animal. Butchers are at risk of contracting diseases in their line of work, for example, and it is presumably illegal for them not to take precautionary measures.

    People found to be doing unsafe, unsanitary things with animals should face legal consequences, regardless of the nature of the activity. But should a person who, as LordShiva says, practices "safe sex" with an animal, still be punished? Is there anything wrong with that?

    Your rights end when they have the potential to harm others, especially when the potential harm done is far in excess of the benefit derived from the activity.
    Come now, Elok. You can't know how good those derived benefits can be until you try it yourself. Don't be hasty in your judgments.
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  17. #77
    Elok
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    LS: How? I'm not thinking of just STDs. A dead deer's probably got germs that can be spread through any contact (say, the thighs...eugh, what an image), or prolonged physical proximity. And it'd probably open up an annoying can of worms over how much protection is enough. Even though I can't imagine more than .5% of the population, tops, would voluntarily have sex with a cadaver, that's still a lot of people.

    Sandman: Fine by me. They might do better to just gobble-gobble with their Thanksgiving turkey though, if it comes to that.
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  18. #78
    Lorizael
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    Originally posted by Elok
    Even though I can't imagine more than .5% of the population, tops, would voluntarily have sex with a cadaver, that's still a lot of people.
    I can't imagine that even one in two hundred people would want to engage in such an act. I certainly hope it's not that high.
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  19. #79
    Sandman
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    Originally posted by Elok
    Sandman: Fine by me. They might do better to just gobble-gobble with their Thanksgiving turkey though, if it comes to that.
    Should eating raw meat be banned as well, then? Spreads disease, etc.

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    senowen
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    Originally posted by Sandman
    What if they cooked the animal first?
    Then you're only ****ing dinner. Nothing wrong with that.
    A thing either is what it appears to be; or it is not, but yet appears to be; or it is, but does not appear to be; or it is not, and does not appear to be.--Epictitus

  21. #81
    Provost Harrison
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    It's obviously necrobestiality
    Speaking of Erith:

    "It's not twinned with anywhere, but it does have a suicide pact with Dagenham" - Linda Smith

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    senowen
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    Originally posted by Sandman


    Should eating raw meat be banned as well, then? Spreads disease, etc.
    I don't know about you, but eating (and I mean actually eating pervs) and ****ing are separate activities for me. Actually in many jurisdictions restaurants are banned from serving raw meat (I think sushi is the exception).
    A thing either is what it appears to be; or it is not, but yet appears to be; or it is, but does not appear to be; or it is not, and does not appear to be.--Epictitus

  23. #83
    SlowwHand
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    Yeah well we know what really wrecked your car now.
    Swerving to hit deer will do that.
    Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.
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  24. #84
    Richelieu
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    Originally posted by Lorizael

    Again, though, there's the arbitrary distinction drawn between sex with an animal and other risky activities with an animal. Butchers are at risk of contracting diseases in their line of work, for example, and it is presumably illegal for them not to take precautionary measures.

    People found to be doing unsafe, unsanitary things with animals should face legal consequences, regardless of the nature of the activity. But should a person who, as LordShiva says, practices "safe sex" with an animal, still be punished? Is there anything wrong with that?

    Come now, Elok. You can't know how good those derived benefits can be until you try it yourself. Don't be hasty in your judgments.
    I'd like to get back to the dead animals though. I think we have much to explore in that area.
    Rigor mortis in particular, and how its manifestations in certain areas of the animals body could be used to satisfy one's "cravings" is of particular interest.
    What?

  25. #85
    Lorizael
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    Originally posted by Sandman
    Should eating raw meat be banned as well, then? Spreads disease, etc.
    Pisses me off that I can't get a restaurant where I live to cook me a medium rare burger. I'm not going to die. Give me the meat. I'll sign a release form if you want.
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  26. #86
    Ogie Oglethorpe
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    Originally posted by Provost Harrison
    It's obviously necrobestiality
    Which reminds me of a question my wife posed the other night


    "Say you were to have sex with a zombie ala Dawn of the Dead, does that count as necrophilia?"
    "Just puttin on the foil" - Jeff Hanson

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  27. #87
    Provost Harrison
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    I think it would be something altogether more worrying
    Speaking of Erith:

    "It's not twinned with anywhere, but it does have a suicide pact with Dagenham" - Linda Smith

  28. #88
    senowen
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    Originally posted by Ogie Oglethorpe
    "Say you were to have sex with a zombie ala Dawn of the Dead, does that count as necrophilia?"
    If someone esle manipulates the body of a corpse for you (ala Weekend at Bernies) does that count as necrophilia?
    A thing either is what it appears to be; or it is not, but yet appears to be; or it is, but does not appear to be; or it is not, and does not appear to be.--Epictitus

  29. #89
    SlowwHand
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    No, or so said a poll of morticians and taxidermists.
    Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.
    "Hating America is something best left to Mobius. He is an expert Yank hater.
    He also hates Texans and Australians, he does diversify." ~ Braindead

  30. #90
    Elok
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    Originally posted by Sandman
    Should eating raw meat be banned as well, then? Spreads disease, etc.
    Yes, it does, but the diseases spread by eating raw meat are largely of a sort that can only be transmitted by ingesting infected matter, no? So, assuming nobody kills said person and eats his flesh, he only gives himself salmonella. Possibly also people who kiss him shortly afterwards; I don't know. At any rate, I see a difference between that and microbes which will freely spread to everyone that person comes into contact with, possibly even indirect contact such as sitting in the same chair.

    Lori: I'd like to think it's not that high, but after what I've seen on Something Awful, I felt I should give a very liberal estimate. I wouldn't have thought there were people who liked to jerk off while dressed in fursuits and diapers, either, but it seems there are a substantial number of them. Also "would be willing to hump a corpse" is a category which encompasses not only necrophiliacs but otherwise normal people who are just that damned desperate, people undergoing fraternity initiations, whatever. "Ya never know," that's what I say.
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