I might not come back here..... I guess........ convince me otherwise or not, either.

[Thorn]

My depression has officially returned, I'm not usefull or worthwhile to anyone here anyways.. so why waste my time here.....

You know in all the time I've been here, never has anyone wished me a happy birthday without me prompting it........ I guess........ I don't feel appreciated......

my birthday is coming in what is it........7 days... and I'd rather wish I never make it to it.........

I've lost all of my friends cept for people here that are more or less just amused by me and don't really care...... I doubt I'm far off.......

Yeah I know I'm crazy at times but I am a person after all......I don't mean ill will.......... least most of me doesn't.........

I've had good times and bad times here...... I just don't see the point of me being here anymore..... I'm just a nusance I think......

for the record placex (and you'll never guess who's going to do something there [not me, a nation] which I won't expain it if you don't know what i'm taking about is London...... so........ there you don't need me anymore....... I've done all of the good I'm going to do...... not like anyone ever listened to me to begin with.......

I try to help you people the best I can,,,, and now I realise that my most importnat friends the ones outside of poly don't stand a chance....... and there isnothing I can say or do to help them it seems.......

I used to have a full deck of friends, now I have ....well.........heh...............

My depression has finally defeated the anti-depressants ......... there is nothing my doctors can do I'm on the max dosage for depression on five different anti-depressants......... i feel bad and will for however longer I choose to stick around......

I don't like living anymore...... now I'm not killing myself just yet...... i might as well wait around for the fireworks....


when it all starts don't be surpised when you might not hear from me..... cause I'lll either be gone from here by then.... or I will be so deep in grief and depression..........that well the shell that is left of me wastes whatever else there is............

I'd say goodbye but what is there to say goodbye to, none of you like me anyways...... no one likes me anymore....... and anyone that ever did fades away.....................................

[Verto]

You need more cowbell in your life.

[Cyclotron]

TMPDR

Too Many Periods, Didn't Read

[Thorn]

Originally posted by Cyclotron
TMPDR

Too Many Periods, Didn't Read

heh heh.............sigh............

[SlowwHand]

You are in serious need of a blow job.

[Thorn]

sex doesn't even appeal tome anymore............. yeah I'm that depressed...........


..............
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...
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[SlowwHand]

Don't worry. It will get worse.

[Thorn]

thanks for your insight slow...

i don't feel like living anymore..... i'm not going to eat anymore..... what' the point.... fuel the body that makes me feel so bad.....

[Barnabas]

Just remember suicide is a mortal sin



-



-
Do you study in an university? work in an office?

Or do you do soemthing in which you dont interact much with other people?

If you need real life friends I think there are groups where you can go to meet people. Maybe groups for people with depression.

Well, hope that helps

[Thorn]

so is being a fag like me..... I'm screwed either way.....

[Barnabas]

You are a homosexual?

Sorry I didnt know that

[Barnabas]

By the way, being a homosexual is not mortal sin, since you are no longer interested in sex you are not commiting any mortal sin.
It would be the same as being celibate, no matter what you find attractive.

[Mrs. Tuberski]

Look at it this way thorn who else can entertain this group? you seem to do a good job no mater how freaking off the wall you might act.

[Zkribbler]

The best way to get over depression is help someone else.

And God knows, the folks inhabiting this planet need all the help they can get.

Your job for today: Make someone else's live a little brighter. Bring out a smile in someone. One smile, that's all I'm asking for. You can do it.

[Thorn]

Yeah well...... people are afraid of me I'm actually quite nice..... oh well..... I couldn't make someone smile if I stiched their mouth into one......... sigh.......

[Datajack Franit]

I made my own birthday thread every year since 2002

[snoopy369]

You need a good SAVAING ...

Where is the $#%#$ when you need him ...

[Zkribbler]

Originally posted by Thorn
people are afraid of me

Why??? Do you look threatening? What are you, a big hairy unwashed lugg??

I couldn't make someone smile if I stiched their mouth into one

Hey, Thorn cracked a joke

[Mrs. Tuberski]

zkribb i think then thorn meet his goal u smiled

[Cort Haus]

You know in all the time I've been here, never has anyone wished me a happy birthday without me prompting it........ I guess........ I don't feel appreciated......

Well, I'm sure you're not the only one, so you needn't feel unique. I avoid that disappointment by not putting my birthday details in the profile. Problem solved.

[Darius871]

My advice is to drink heavily.

[Mercator]

In what part of the US do you live? Maybe it would be a good idea to move to a big city like, say, New York or Los Angeles. You don't have tying you down where you are now anyway, so move. You've got nothing to lose.

I haven't had birthday threads either, nor do I have any friends to speak of. Not anywhere near where I live anyway. But then that's largely my own doing.

I think there are people here who do care. I do, to some extent, because well, I don't actually know you. But you've convinced yourself you're worthless already anyway, so you dismiss anything positive or helpful anyone might say to you.

But while places like Apolyton are a nice place to "hang out", don't try and find affirmation there, because you won't get it. Not because of you, but because a forum like this just isn't the right place for that. Though I suppose it also depends on your personality. I haven't made any friends through Apolyton, even though I like hanging out here. Maybe others have, but then that's probably because they're actually chatting to eachother on MSN, or playing multiplayer games or whatever. Something more personal than these forums anyway.

I'm not religious, but you seem to be. Try and find a community that accepts gay people and talk to someone there.

[SlowwHand]

quote:
Originally posted by Thorn
people are afraid of me


Why??? Do you look threatening? What are you, a big hairy unwashed lugg??
quote:

He isn't French.

[Japher]

this is really sad... Thorn preempting his birthday like this

I was planning an over the top birthday thread unlike any other, but I guess now it would just seem... uh.... pointless

anyway

[Lorizael]

You, EvC, are a useless sack of chemicals and feces with no purpose in life except to eventually fall apart and become nothing. This sucks a lot. So instead of doing and being something that sucks a lot, flick off the universe and decide for yourself what you want to be.

Who gives a **** if the universe is going to descend into chaos and fire; this doesn't concern you. You are a useless sack of chemicals and feces, and nothing else. God and Jesus and the Middle East and the Apocalypse have absolutely nothing to do with your uselessnes.

So find something that means something to you and your feces infested self.

Mods. I am not insulting Thorn. I'm just not very good at this motivational crap.

[Japher]

sounded motivational to me

until the second paragraph

[Blaupanzer]

Thorn,

One, we are all worth something. I find your threads quite stimulating mentally, if a little off-key. If you left, you would be missed, a better circumstance than it is for most of the rest of us.

Two, birthday threads can be insiduous when one is depressed. "How come they get one, and I don't?" can be used very easily by most of us to "prove" we don't matter. Actually, birthdays are not something most of us even notice in relation to folks on the threads. The age range here is really much wider than almost any other site I have ever been on. This means birthdays (own and others) have different values and meanings to various ones among us.

Three, depression will yield to the right meds combo if you will let it. Yes, it takes time to find that combo, but don't give up. Brains are still much more complicated than our understanding of them. I have been where you are. It's hell, but you can work through it if you are willing.

Four, I doubt that anything hell would have to offer is any worse than that terrible emptiness of "nothing really matters." Most things in life have only the value you give them, so there is no cosmic "point." That does not mean life is not worth living. It does mean you have to figure out what matters to you, a virtually impossible feat when in the throes of depression. Get around this thru distractions.

One thought, you probably came here because you play (or played) civ. Try going back to that, a distraction is worth its weight in gold when you are down. Play at a level you can win and beat the crap out of your demons as represented by the other civs. This has worked for me on occasion, while my lizard brain (the id) sorted thru why things looked like they did.

Get a grip. Go back to telling us what you see. Play a computer game. Work your way up to reading a book. Then you can consider where and when you can reconstruct a life worth living. May your soul find peace.

[Darius871]

...or you could just pour yourself a few Martinis. Problem solved.

[Blaupanzer]

I might have gone on a bit too much. I like Thorn; think his threads are fun; and could care less what his sexual orientation is. I really would miss those wild excursions.

[SlowwHand]

Couldn't care less is what I think you mean. One of my trigger words.