The Phalanx: Issue #9

[Zeiter]

The Phalanx: Issue #9


Breaking News! Cloning Vats Now Fully Operational!

During the past several years Spartan researchers have been furiously working around the clock in an effort to create the world's first functional cloning facility.

Early last year Spartan researchers made a crucial breakthrough when they discovered how to counteract the accelerated aging in cloned sheep that had in fact plagued cloning experiments since the advent of primitive cloning over two hundred years ago on Earth. The problem had been that the telomeres on the tips of chromosomes in cells would partially degrade each time a cell underwent mitosis--that is, cell multiplication. Over time this would inhibit the cells' ability to function and replicate. This acted as sort of a "biological clock" in most cells of a sheep's body. Clones cells with genetic material from an adult sheep would carry forward this biological clock into the newly born sheep. The newly born sheep would thus be prematurely aged even from the moment of birth.

Thanks to recent breakthroughs in retroviral engineering, the researchers were able to discover a brilliant solution involving a molecular sequence from a strange virus which is native to Planet and known jokingly as "Ushitouttaluckaviridae" for its terrible reputation as one of the most lethal viruses in existence. Using recent advances in biological nanomachinery, this molecular sequence can be extracted, slightly altered, and attached to the end of a telomere in one cell of a sheep's body. The new molecular sequence rapidly self-replicates, and its copies attach themselves to the ends of other telomeres in a sheep's body. The real genius of this procedure is that this slightly altered molecular segment of the virus, far from killing a sheep, actually repairs the telomeres and reverses this aspect of the aging process. The only problem with this approach is that the sheep's immune system naturally attacks the foreign virus material and succeeds in destroying the virus segments after a short time. After that the sheep's body develops a natural immunity to the substance and will instantly reject the virus segments in the future. Therefore, as of now the virus segment injection can only do so much work before it becomes obsolete. However, there is hope that this small obstacle can be overcome with further research, opening up the magnificent possibility for clinical immortality.

The immediate result of these breakthroughs was the ability to "manufacture" an abundance of sheep. Spartan citizens will now have the opportunity to eat all of the mutton and lamb chops they want. Spartan soldiers are also benefiting from the advances. Spartan soldiers in harsh climates are now receiving doubly-thick (and extremely comfortable) wool under-suits.



Furthermore, after perfecting the procedure on sheep, it was only a small effort to adapt the procedure to humans. What this means is that Spartan researchers now have the capability to produce viable genetic clones in extraordinary numbers. The cloning vats constructed at censored will be the first facility in human history with the capability to clone massive numbers of organisms safely and economically.

The significance of these developments is obvious. The Spartan Federation will now be able to undertake the project that Colonel Corazon Santiago so insightfully foresaw many years ago:

"We will take only the strongest warriors, the most brilliant minds, the most faithful servants. We will multiply them a thousand-fold and usher in a new age of glory." -- Colonel Corazon Santiago

The Spartan Federation, in conjunction with former Morganite construction contractors, has just finished a massive cloning facility at censored. Commercial operation will commence shortly. In smaller labs elsewhere, the Spartan Federation has already created a prototype unit of cloned elite soldiers which, unfortunately, still carries the aged-telomere defect, but nevertheless is still fit for military service. The genetic stock for this unit comes from only the strongest, most intelligent, most loyal, and most renowned soldiers ever to serve proudly in the Spartan military.



Interestingly enough, researchers noticed that the soldiers in this unit still exhibited unique and even quasi-individualistic behavior, despite their genetic similarity. The solution? Once again, those helpful sheep. Researchers found that, by injecting a small portion of sheep DNA into the human genome, the researchers could create cloned humans with the temperament and loyalty of the sheep. Spartan researchers now predict that all future Spartan military units will display an elite skill and obedience never before seen. The Spartan high command, likewise, expects great things from this unit and other clone units in the future. Indeed, the Spartan Federation has already begun to display patriotic posters displaying the Federation's glorious achievements in cloning.

[Chaos Theory]

I never thought of elite soldiers as having the temperament of sheep, but that's just me...

Also, no need to censor the location of the Cloning Vats. They're at Fort Buster. They're visible from orbit.

[GeoModder]

I for one welcome our new overlords.

[Illuminatus]

You've made a silly mistake (I did the same thing once in previous ACDG): C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/Owner/My%20Documents/My%20Pictures/ACDG3%20Attack%20Plans/attack-of-the-clones-small.JPG.

I applaud the splicing of the sheep genome into the human one. You troops will now be fanatic.

[Kataphraktoi]

Congratulations...



...

[Modo44]

Originally posted by Kataphraktoi

First correct reaction spotted.

[Kataphraktoi]

:shrug: Your just delaying the inevitable with more of your troops and materiel into the blaze anyway. take pity on your men and surrender now

[Zeiter]

Originally posted by Illuminatus
You've made a silly mistake (I did the same thing once in previous ACDG): C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/Owner/My%20Documents/My%20Pictures/ACDG3%20Attack%20Plans/attack-of-the-clones-small.JPG.

Why is that a silly mistake???

[Illuminatus]

You've linked to images on your hard drive, meaning that no one except you can see them.

[binTravkin]

Upload it to some free image hosting (you can Google for it) and link to here (most free image hostings automatically give you strings for pasting in the forum).

[Chaos Theory]

Or just upload them to here.

[Illuminatus]

Since pictures feature Star Wars images I am not sure if that is a prudent suggestion - it could be identified as violation of upload rules. Better follow binTravkin's suggestion.

[Zeiter]

Ah, thanks for the tips! I hope it works now.

[Maniac]

lol

[Illuminatus]

Much better now.

[GeoModder]

Yes, it seems the Spartans finally take advice of their betters.

[Googlie]

It's good to know that others are betting on the Spartans

[GeoModder]

You forgot the word "demise." in your previous post.