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A neo-feminist's view of abstinence

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  • A neo-feminist's view of abstinence

    A neo-feminist's view of abstinence
    By Elizabeth Sandoval
    Fri Aug 19, 7:24 AM ET



    I don't want to have sex. Clarification: I do want to have sex, but only with my husband. And I don't have one of those yet.



    No, I am not an ultraconservative who is cohabitating with a houseful of cats and TiVo'ing Lifetime movies. I'm a middle-of-the-road 32-year-old who likes tattoos and loud music. And yes, I am cute (I've been told by friends and strangers alike). So you can put aside the notion that I'm bitter about not being offered the chance to have sex.


    What I am is a neo-feminist. Definition: "One who respects her body so much that she won't allow it to be used as someone's playground."


    Handsome Man at a Bar, you think I'm cute? Thanks. Do you appreciate me or the idea of having sex with me? Because your thinking has likely been influenced by the cavortings of Samantha and Co. in the "city" or the women in most rap videos. I am not those women. If you want a workout, go get a one-day pass at Bally. It's free.


    Members of the "Sex is Natural and Fun and If It Makes You Happy, It Can't Be That Bad" club want sex so badly that they willingly and repeatedly live out the following scenario: Things go "great" for a month or two. Sex quickly becomes a part of your interactions. Maybe he even meets your parents. And then, well, things just change. He dumps you or you dump him.


    Regardless of why the relationship died, you are now one of many women whom he could point out on the street. "See her?" he can tell his buddies. "She's cute, huh? Yeah, I had her." I never want to be "her."


    The "You Have to Know if You're Sexually Compatible or the Marriage Will Be Doomed" club will argue that one out of two marriages end in divorce, so you have to know that you're sexually compatible before you can even contemplate marriage. Well, maybe one out of two marriages end in divorce precisely because people are too free with sex. Many people don't take time to establish real communication with one another. It's false intimacy.


    Many women today are weak-minded in that they readily accept society's portrayal of sexual norms. The people on The O.C. are doing it. Paris Hilton, as she's hosing down that Bentley, appears ready to do it. And more important, many people they actually know are doing it. The sheer prolificness of sex seems to make the decision for them. Women are non-self-respecting because they willingly sacrifice such an important part of their being for just a few moments of pleasure. And they're oblivious because they don't contemplate the profoundness of sex.


    Women give it up as if it's nothing. When in fact, it is everything.
    "If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun." -Katherine Hepburn

  • #2
    bo-ring!

    this woman is just kidding herself. If she met the right man, she'd give it up in a heart beat. She just doesn't want to do the bar scene. Can't argue with that.

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    • #3
      its odd i found myself totally agreeing with her.
      "If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun." -Katherine Hepburn

      Comment


      • #4
        and her views seem horridly backward and almost conservative.

        She talks of women "giving it up" like the woman is there a sex toy for the amusement of man. She does concede they get a few moments of pleasure. That's all men get too. Why should men "give it up" just for a few minutes of pleasure? Aren't men allowing their body to be used as well?

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        • #5
          That is so unreal it isnt funny. Most women know that if the guy in the bar sending u a drink and is repulsive we send the drink to the guy next to us Oh hell sex now days aint nothing special anymore, its giving away like candy, cause women have learned the one night stand game the men invented
          When you find yourself arguing with an idiot, you might want to rethink who the idiot really is.
          "It can't rain all the time"-Eric Draven
          Being dyslexic is hard work. I don't even try anymore.

          Comment


          • #6
            Why should men "give it up" just for a few minutes of pleasure?
            Good question. Why should they?

            I find myself agreeing with boann here, and it's nice to have someone agree with me for once.

            Thanks boann.
            Scouse Git (2) La Fayette Adam Smith Solomwi and Loinburger will not be forgotten.
            "Remember the night we broke the windows in this old house? This is what I wished for..."
            2015 APOLYTON FANTASY FOOTBALL CHAMPION!

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Mrs. Tuberski
              That is so unreal it isnt funny. Most women know that if the guy in the bar sending u a drink and is repulsive we send the drink to the guy next to us Oh hell sex now days aint nothing special anymore, its giving away like candy, cause women have learned the one night stand game the men invented
              thats so true..
              sex is mostly meaningless these days
              takes the place of real intimacy.

              why be physically intimate with someone without any
              emotional intimacy?
              "If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun." -Katherine Hepburn

              Comment


              • #8
                *shrug* depends on what you're lookin' for I suppose.

                I mean, I'm getting married soon, and I love her to death....but on the other hand, I've had my share of meaningless sex, and don't think I'm any worse for the wear for it.

                Still...good read, and a perfectly valid viewpoint.



                -=Vel=-
                The list of published books grows. If you're curious to see what sort of stories I weave out, head to Amazon.com and do an author search for "Christopher Hartpence." Help support Candle'Bre, a game created by gamers FOR gamers. All proceeds from my published works go directly to the project.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Ben Kenobi


                  Good question. Why should they?

                  I find myself agreeing with boann here, and it's nice to have someone agree with me for once.

                  Thanks boann.

                  well im not real surprised we agree on this ..
                  this is one area im very conservative on.

                  i haven't always been so..
                  but i know my own power and strength and
                  don't need any vailidation from meaningless sexual
                  encounters.. prefer to wait for love.
                  "If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun." -Katherine Hepburn

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    i find it laughable that the men invented the one night stand blow off and then get pissy when the women get a hold of the rule book. Sex is no way a special event anymore unless you are the one of the few that can hold out and say I am not falling for the games and traps. Men and women are equally to blame for the examples that are out there today.
                    When you find yourself arguing with an idiot, you might want to rethink who the idiot really is.
                    "It can't rain all the time"-Eric Draven
                    Being dyslexic is hard work. I don't even try anymore.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Mrs. Tuberski
                      i find it laughable that the men invented the one night stand blow off and then get pissy when the women get a hold of the rule book. Sex is no way a special event anymore unless you are the one of the few that can hold out and say I am not falling for the games and traps. Men and women are equally to blame for the examples that are out there today.

                      yep yep and yepper.
                      funny how when tables are turned.. things look different.

                      my point exactly.. ive dropped out of the game.
                      dont want to play.. don't like the game.
                      "If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun." -Katherine Hepburn

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Mrs. Tuberski
                        That is so unreal it isnt funny. Most women know that if the guy in the bar sending u a drink and is repulsive we send the drink to the guy next to us Oh hell sex now days aint nothing special anymore, its giving away like candy, cause women have learned the one night stand game the men invented
                        Indeed. Sex isn't something 'sacred' and why should it be? Feminism is the living the way you want to live, and the OP writer has every right to live her way. However, this woman thinks that since other women are doing something different they are wrong. She isn't a feminist.

                        How are women weak minded if they decide to have sex? How are they giving up an important part of their being? What 'important part of being' are they actually giving up? They are enjoying sex and it's about time. It's been centuries and centuries that women weren't allowed to enjoy sex. Hell, they just discovered the female orgasm! Why are men allowed to enjoy sex, but women not?
                        “I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”
                        - John 13:34-35 (NRSV)

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          no one said anything about not enjoying it.

                          just saying not giving it up to every tom, dick and harry that asks for it ... thats all.
                          "If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun." -Katherine Hepburn

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by boann
                            no one said anything about not enjoying it.

                            just saying not giving it up to every tom, dick and harry that asks for it ... thats all.
                            That's not what she said at all. She said abstinence, which is different than giving it up to everyone. She said those that don't do abstinence are 'weak-minded' and 'non-respecting' because they have sex with their boyfriends.
                            “I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”
                            - John 13:34-35 (NRSV)

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              She said those that don't do abstinence are 'weak-minded' and 'non-respecting' because they have sex with their boyfriends.
                              The reason she limits it to husbands, is because you are limited to one. Boyfriends don't have such a limitation.
                              Scouse Git (2) La Fayette Adam Smith Solomwi and Loinburger will not be forgotten.
                              "Remember the night we broke the windows in this old house? This is what I wished for..."
                              2015 APOLYTON FANTASY FOOTBALL CHAMPION!

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