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Berzerker Bugle: Volume IV

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  • Berzerker Bugle: Volume IV

    Welcome to Volume IV of the Berzerker Bugle Part I

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Letters to The Editor opens

    Berzerker Bugle Letters to the Editor Thread

    Let us know what you think, it is your Nation.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


    I be upset

    What sort of a Viking are we making now-a-days. As I walk down the pathways to look at the new battle axes the blacksmiths have been working on, I overhear two government “Officials” talking. These lily livered pansies! are asking "Should we attack the Persians?"
    Now what kind of talk is this, should we breath, should we mate, should we drink! Heavens to Betsy yes! So who shouldn’t we kill, rape and pillage?
    This kind of nonsense coming from our government officials is most bothersome. Of course, of course, one might think they were merely saying we should only attack them when the time was right. Nope! Not true! These little cretins just wanted lay down to the world and let them walk all over us. We must not let these little punks get away from what it means to be a true Viking. The two that I heard talking, I grabbed them by the scruff and took them to the nearest enlistment station. They are now proudly serving as apprentice latrine diggers for our glorious military. But what of the heresy itself? Surely, no government officials have ever shown any original thoughts before. Where did it come from?
    Women perhaps! I hear that we are considering giving them the vote. Yet women today do not even know how to properly wield a spear. They be soft! Now, I have no objection to a women voting, as long as she be a true Valkerie warrior. Yet I know of only a couple among us who I consider worthy.
    We need to investigate, bang a few heads, and get ourselves back in line. We be warriors, connoisseur's of destruction, taker or worlds; not a bunch of peace lovin’ hippy do gooders. Back to our origins I say. kill! Kill!! KILL!!!. Hu Rah, semper fi!!
    Now, about these sissy little Persians. Sure, they got a wicked sharp sword, but we got skill and gumption. We also got knowledge of their lands, and their tactics. They have insulted us by founding colonies on lands that are properly ours. They have insulted our women by saying that “Red heads are ugly.”
    What! Heresy! They even pollute our air with their sing song speech, nothing proper skalds would do, and that nasty smelling Hummus-Falafel stuff they call food. Yuck! They deserve to die, and to die a hard and nasty death.! Let us mount their heads on our walls, use their guts as slop for our pigs, and gather up all their metal and forge it into proper battle axes!!
    What say ye?

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


    New School opens its doors

    In recent days a new school has been founded here in apolyton, it is the 'Asgardian School of Interdimesional History'. We have been informed that this new school claims that other apolytons have existed previously, and to know of the histories of these other Apolytons!, so we decided to investigate. After some time spent searching we managed to catch up with the founder a Mr. Nimitz, and managed to ask him some questions.

    Bugle : So Mr. Nimitz why did you found this school?

    Mr. Nimitz : I founded it due to the lack of knowlege of Apolyton in all its past incarnations.

    Bugle : Do you really expect others to believe there are and have been other Apolytons?

    Mr. Nimitz : Yes of course I do, I believe that there have been other Apolytons!, and while many may not believe I hope that they would at least listen. There are many things that may be learned from the elders, those who came before, if they would just listen!
    Bugle : Do you not worry that others may dismiss you as crazy for saying such things?

    Mr. Nimitz : Of course not!, I know that I am speaking the truth, and I will not stop just because some feel I am insane!

    Bugle : Ok I have one last question.

    Mr. Nimitz : Ok shoot.

    Bugle : How did you come to have this knowlege, I mean it must not of been easy!, what magic did it take?

    Mr. Nimitz : None at all, I already posess knowlege because I am from one of the other Apolytons! I am a sage sent here to educate the children of the Elders!

    Bugle : Well Mr. Nimitz, thank for your time and I wish you every success for your school.

    Mr. Nimitz : Thank you and may the great Banana guide you!

    Well that was our interveiw with Mr. Nimitz, it was an interesting event with one big twist at the end. But no matter what you think of him or his ideas we would encourage you to visit his school there are many interesting threads and facts regarding the previous apolytons. Mr Nimitz will himself be writing a narration that will entertain you greatly. This link takes you to
    The school
    .

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


    Trout Slapping Epidemic Ends

    Over a year ago in our predecessor paper, the Jungle Gazette, reporter Crystal Clear reported on the severe increase in Trout Slapping. The Surgeon General of Apolyton indicated that almost 60% of the populous had engaged in some form of Trout Slapping at one time or another. Of those so engaged, an alarming 17% admitted to being chronic Trout Slappers. Trout Slapping had truly reached epidemic proportions.

    Once the habit of Trout Slapping had been exclusively in the domain of individual homes or of illegal Trout Slapping Hula Bars and Dance Clubs. As the practitioners became addicted, they began bringing their Trouts into public places, including public chats and even on Apolyton Forums.

    At the Banana King Tavern (and Brothel) where the practice of Trout Slapping had been banned, and signs posted around the premises clearly indicating such, patrons would regularly walk in with their trout and slap each other, with neither the constables nor the staff doing anything to intervene.

    “This epidemic has, thankfully, finally ended.” Surgeon General of the Grater Viking Nation, “We attribute the decline to a number of things, most particularly the advent of PBEM games.” While true, the loss of large parts of the practicing population to these other nations merely caused the further spread of this habit.

    In a way, however, the Surgeon General is correct. These forums provided a smaller, more controlled atmosphere. These locations are by their nature less accepting of difference and causing mayhem in general.

    Trout Slapping is known to cause decreased productivity. It is well-documented that while trout-slapping, both hand-eye co-ordination and mental capacity decrease considerably. This affects both worker productivity and city output, and can have a profound impact on strategy chats, where the business of Apolytonia is done.
    (as reported by Crystal Clear).

    Initially, back benching members of the Senate proposed to ban outright the practice of Trout Slapping. Although soundly defending the rights of the citizenry to practice, then president Arnelos strongly fought against such reactionary Jacobian style politics. When several overtly concerned senators did attempt to ban the practice, the bill was soundly defeated in the Senate. Ex-President Arnelos eventually joined Ghengis Farb in the “Trout is Tasty Club”.

    Trout Slapping increased dramatically after Crystal Clears initial report. The Egyptian state of Apolytania succeeded in dominating its world, and sent settlers out to other known worlds. The first one colonized proved untenable due to the massive size (slow turn rate) of the world. A second generation of settlers has now colonized this world, we the Vikings. “The diffusion of our peoples is the true cause of the ending of this epidemic”, stated Godking, acting technical advisor to the Viking Harold.

    “Where there were at one point in time 20+ people attempting to coordinate the efficiency of worker production in a city, now it is hard to get one. This loss of manpower has resulted in a demand for an increase of efficiency. Trout Slapping is by nature non-efficient, and therefore couldn’t survive in a context of efficiency being necessary. If a small group needs to be efficient, and someone is causing disruption, then that person will likely be corrected or removed if correction doesn’t take. Particularly by those who were caught using the ‘Frozen Trout’ or the ‘Trout Bazooka’ in their slaps.”

    ‘Additionally, it appears that people have actually followed the advice of the near mythical Ming, and started using smileys instead of trout.”

    “This is a great day in the history of the Viking peoples, where we can now report that the vile epidemic of Trout Slapping has now been cured. However, we must be vigilant, as at any time the practice may come back and hit us with a vengeance.”

    Reported by Tequila Rocks for the Viking Harold.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


    Another one about recruiting more people....

    Recently we have heard from several people, myself included, asking for something. Something simple actually. Regular playing of the game. I am glad to report that Paddy the Scott, our leader from down under (although I am not sure under what, being a Scott myself after all and wondering if this is some sort of crude reference to our kilts), has addressed the issue. Although he has not advanced the cause as far as myself and others might like, he has, none the less, done an outstanding job. This is particularly true considering the limited resources of personnel he has had at his disposal. This entire term there has been no VP to support the Presidential position.

    This can be most grave. I myself am a former President of this great democracy game. I remember the glory days of the Trip / Ninot election scandal. When I was involved, I relied heavily on my VP to post updates and to help run the game. It truly is a demanding position for just one person. I applaud Paddy on his outstanding efforts.

    What can we do? Join Up. Volunteer your time. It doesn’t take much. You need to be able to give only 4 hours a week, for only a month at a time. That is a total of 16 hours over an entire month. Who of us addicts haven’t sat down and played an all night civ marathon? I myself, busy since September of a year ago, haven’t volunteered much. That will change. I announce that I will run for office this coming election.

    I encourage each and every one of you who read this to do the same. I know we have lots of lurkers out there. We need more of you to stand up and offer your time and abilities to this game. We have had the help and assistance of, in at least one instance, a 72 year old man and a 12 year old girl. Each has contributed to their abilities and time. So can you.

    Shortly, we will be holding elections again. I ask you to join us and offer your services. Not out of a sense of duty, but out of a sense of wanting to have some fun and play the great game civ. To offer your time and join us in dominating the world. World domination is a fun hobby for the entire family to join in.

    If you think that you are not qualified, bull pucky. The only qualification is that you a) respect other demo gamers, even if you don’t agree b) know the basics of civ and c) actually follow up on what you commit to do. Simple. Don’t even have to know a lot about the game itself, as this is a way of learning and having fun. Yep, I know, but it is true that at times you can do both at once.

    If you are not sure what to do, start a post and ask. That simple. If you know what you want to do that jump up and start helping out.

    By GodKing
    Last edited by Paddy; February 29, 2004, 18:29.
    Gurka 17, People of the Valley
    I am of the Horde.

  • #2
    Berzerker Bugle:Volume IV Part II

    The Presidential Speeches are extracted from the The President Election Thread


    From Rasputin – Nominated for President

    My fellow Vikings...

    It is with great pleasure that i stand as a candicate for president of our great country. I have watched with interest as the previous goverment shave struggled with competing demands to satisfy all. on the one hand they are trying to build an army, on the other they are trying to improve infrastucture of our peoples. and yet they have achieved neither.

    Our neighbours are as large if not larger than we are, with as many techs and citys growing well. our nation deserves to be number one in al lcategories that matter. do we as vikings accept our current postion on the world. NO. We demand and deserve better.

    Is the problem we now face wholly the fault of the president and his governemnt, NO. But it is the presdident that sways the people with his leadership. it is his charismatic impact that can move our nation in the right or wrong direction.

    Yes we are a democracy and yes we must have elections and votes , but we need a leader who will state what he wants and needs and not simply allow the vocal minority to dictate our future.

    I call on all Vikings to give me the mandate to recticy our current position, which is much worse than i first imagined.

    Vote for me and my first goals will be to improve the citys of our great nation to such an extent that our scientists are free to research as they choose and not hindered by lack or resources.

    Roads and irrigation ar evital parts of our nation and these will not be neglected.

    Our armies are small and under trained. I will instigate a program of vigourous re-arming with modern equipment. We will teach our young men and women how to fight and to slay our enemies more efficiently.

    We will protect our homeland from the passing brigades of pirates and other barbarians.

    A vote for me will be a vote for our future , a new brighter future.


    From Paddy the Scot – Nominated for President



    The nation has been growing steadily, and with a good team we will continue on the path of Freedom, Victory and Growth.

    This will be attained through taking any and all opponents that stand in our way. A range of great beers, a strong economy and sharp blades will always help.

    At this time, 290BC, we stand on the verge of WAR with the Persian Empire. The current and previous Governments have positioned us so that we will leave Persia as a vasal state in the short term.

    I see that my opponent has not liked the way our leaders have led this nation. Rasputin, during this time did you try to swing opinions around to your way of thinking?

    The Term IV Directory will provide you with many great links of what the current team have been doing for this great nation.

    Let us gather our tools of WAR, our implements of the fields, the stock and trade of our lives and continue to move forward into a new age...

    .....Vote for Paddy and you vote for progress.....


    Paddy and the Scots

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


    Term V Elections are on now

    It is time for Term IV Government to hand over the reins of power.

    Vote at these links:

    The President

    The Vice President

    The Supreme Military Commander

    The Foreign Affairs Minister

    The Minister of the Interior

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


    We have several Political Parties

    Are you a political creature? Well many of us are.

    The following links will take you to the various Political Parties in our land.

    Ugh-Ook-Ack political party

    Democratic Idustrialists of Apolyton v.1.50

    United Grid Lobbyists (UGL)

    The Valhallan People's Party

    The Peoples Party Of Valhalla

    The Valhallan People's Party

    People of Valhalla Party

    Party of Valhalla People

    Political Party Thread

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


    Senate Sessions have been happening quite often

    The Government has set up the following thread so that all Senators can submit the Best Times for Senate Sessions.

    The idea is to assist the Government in setting these Senate Sessions when you can come along and contribute.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


    Ministries make themselves available to the Senate and the thus the population

    Various Government Ministries have set up topped threads to allow you to get in and discuss, raise and dispute issues prior to the Senate sessions.

    The Viking Ministry of the Interior

    Foreign Affairs Ministry

    Word from Supreme Military Command, is that their link will be available soon.

    It is your decision to get involved, we recommend that you do.

    It is through these threads that the Ministers can form the policies and opinions for the years ahead. Encourage your Senator to support the Ministers, so that the Ministers get it right.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


    Positions Vacant

    We are the The Berzerker Bugle, and we are recruiting.

    ------------------------

    Assistant Editor:

    Do you have a knack with words?

    Do you have a firm hand, and the ability to keep reporters on track?

    Then apply now.

    To apply, please post your details in this thread,
    or Send through a PM soon, and see the world!!!

    ------------------------

    Reporter:

    Ready for adventure, looking at travelling the high seas.

    Persia, Eygpt and Spain stand at our doors, and the unknown is not far away.

    Do you have a yearning to uncover the hidden, to seek out that which people want to hide.

    Can you put one word after another?

    Then apply now.

    To apply, please post your details in this thread,
    or Send through a PM soon, and see the world!!!

    ------------------------

    Artist:

    Do you have the touch to bring the pictures together to go with our great stories?

    Then apply now.

    To apply, please post your details in this thread,
    or Send through a PM soon, and see the world!!!

    ------------------------


    So come and look over our mighty Viking Empire, write some reports and let the people know what is really going on.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



    The Berzerker Bugle has moved to New Premises in the last month.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



    The End
    Last edited by Paddy; February 29, 2004, 19:00.
    Gurka 17, People of the Valley
    I am of the Horde.

    Comment


    • #3
      great reading ...
      GM of MAFIA #40 ,#41, #43, #45,#47,#49-#51,#53-#58,#61,#68,#70, #71

      Comment


      • #4
        Duddha: I will return...
        Arnelos: ... and the civilizied world shudders ...
        "I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. That, or Duder. His Dudeness. Or El Duderino, if, you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing..."
        Free California!

        Comment


        • #5
          bump.

          I enjoyed.
          If you're interested in participating in the first Civ 5 Community Game then please visit: http://www.weplayciv.com/forums/forum.php

          Comment


          • #6
            now we need more
            GM of MAFIA #40 ,#41, #43, #45,#47,#49-#51,#53-#58,#61,#68,#70, #71

            Comment


            • #7
              hahaha yes we do

              currently we are looking at a issue every 14 days..
              Gurka 17, People of the Valley
              I am of the Horde.

              Comment


              • #8
                damn got to wait another 5 days
                GM of MAFIA #40 ,#41, #43, #45,#47,#49-#51,#53-#58,#61,#68,#70, #71

                Comment


                • #9
                  looking for staff

                  see above posts for the adverts on positions available
                  Gurka 17, People of the Valley
                  I am of the Horde.

                  Comment

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