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Your girlfriend's surname is ".jpg".
Like John Ruskin and those other Victorians deceived by Classical art, you are firmly convinced that women have no pubic hair.
You find yourself checking if you screen cleaner will shift semen.
You have the embossed markings of your keybord endented in your face from falling asleep on it.
As far as you are aware, conception occurs via the mouth and face.
In a game of "Scrabble" you find yourself attempting to hit a triple word score with "bukkake".
You're starting to worry about the fact that your penis doesn't reach your knee.
You're giving serious thought to getting yourself a scrotal waxing.
There are a few things you find utterly unable to comprehend- infinity, your own mortality and the sight of a naked woman over the age of 30.
Women always and inevitably climax. They usually do this several times before the man has even broken into a sweat.
You think lesbians are the best-looking women and most feminine women.
You think lesbianism was impossible in the past, and only became achievable with the invention of the double-ended silicone dildo.
You think the missionary position is a bit pervy and should only be carried out by trained professionals.
As far as you are aware, no sexual act has ever taken place underneath a duvet, or with the lights off.
You're willing to stake serious money that whenever lesbians kiss, they do so by touching tongues while both staring off in the same direction as if gazing longingly at some unseen third party.
You consider that it would be extremely rude to consider the sexual act to be complete before the Double Penetration.
The thought of doing a DP, and having another man's sac gently rubbing aginst your own, doesn't make you shudder and go "Brrrr...." whilst shaking your head.
You find yourself helpless with laughter on hearing that some people actually have a complete sexual encounter without changing position at least twice.
It comes as something of a surprise to you when you discover that Asian women occasionally wear clothes. And refuse to go anywhere near your gonads without a parentally-approved marriage.
You wonder why no position in the "Kama Sutra" features a swivelling office chair.
Your homepage requires AVS details.
Like John Ruskin and those other Victorians deceived by Classical art, you are firmly convinced that women have no pubic hair.
You find yourself checking if you screen cleaner will shift semen.
You have the embossed markings of your keybord endented in your face from falling asleep on it.
As far as you are aware, conception occurs via the mouth and face.
In a game of "Scrabble" you find yourself attempting to hit a triple word score with "bukkake".
You're starting to worry about the fact that your penis doesn't reach your knee.
You're giving serious thought to getting yourself a scrotal waxing.
There are a few things you find utterly unable to comprehend- infinity, your own mortality and the sight of a naked woman over the age of 30.
Women always and inevitably climax. They usually do this several times before the man has even broken into a sweat.
You think lesbians are the best-looking women and most feminine women.
You think lesbianism was impossible in the past, and only became achievable with the invention of the double-ended silicone dildo.
You think the missionary position is a bit pervy and should only be carried out by trained professionals.
As far as you are aware, no sexual act has ever taken place underneath a duvet, or with the lights off.
You're willing to stake serious money that whenever lesbians kiss, they do so by touching tongues while both staring off in the same direction as if gazing longingly at some unseen third party.
You consider that it would be extremely rude to consider the sexual act to be complete before the Double Penetration.
The thought of doing a DP, and having another man's sac gently rubbing aginst your own, doesn't make you shudder and go "Brrrr...." whilst shaking your head.
You find yourself helpless with laughter on hearing that some people actually have a complete sexual encounter without changing position at least twice.
It comes as something of a surprise to you when you discover that Asian women occasionally wear clothes. And refuse to go anywhere near your gonads without a parentally-approved marriage.
You wonder why no position in the "Kama Sutra" features a swivelling office chair.
Your homepage requires AVS details.
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