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A landmark discovery for the future of space travel!

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  • A landmark discovery for the future of space travel!

    In the course of my entertainment for this evening, I have discovered a cosmic truth of mind-numbing significance:

    ETHANOL HAS THE POWER TO ALTER THE SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM.
    With only a few glasses of wine, the crude shackles of inertia and gravity are loosed from our arms. Move your head but an inch, and your brain will experience the sort of acceleration usually associated with the Indianapolis 500, and at the same time, you will feel only the gentle deceleration of an ordinary red-light intersection when said movement ceases. A simple compound of ethyl alcohol and scopalamine patches might conceivably enable a human being to endure the kind of rapid pressure increases that normally result in instant death. An unfortunate side effect is that you cannot control anything worth jack, so all transports will still require robotic remote controls for the duration of flight. But, given a critical mass of aspirin and hot-water bottles upon landing, the astronauts of the future might nearly touch the speed of light!
    Unfortunately, this also means that there will never be Irishmen in outer space, as the amount of human "fuel" required for an entity of such formidable tolerance would far exceed the amount of mass allowed by efficient flight plans. But this way, at least the British can take off, and let those indomitable celts have the whole planet.

    But this is not all. I have also uncovered a critical failure of the American justice system. For nearly fifty years, it has been common law among our courts that you cannot make anything "separate but equal." But look in any schoolroom today, and what do you see but quack science teachers, with their "fractions," trying to undermine everything our country holds dear? One half! One Third! One Fifth! Since time out of memory, they have thwarted our way of life with unfair segregation of formerly unified metaphysical quantities. End it now! Vote NO on fractions today!

    Alcohol: for a kinder, more sparsely populated future with a greatly enhanced appreciation of the greatest hits of Cream. All together now,

    Her name is Aphrodite,
    and she rides a crimson shell,
    and you know you cannot leave her,
    for you touched the distant sands,
    with Tales of Brave Ulysses,
    How his naked ears were tortured
    by the sirens sweetly singiiiiiiiiing.....
    1011 1100
    Pyrebound--a free online serial fantasy novel

  • #2
    "I have been reading up on the universe and have come to the conclusion that the universe is a good thing." -- Dissident
    "I never had the need to have a boner." -- Dissident
    "I have never cut off my penis when I was upset over a girl." -- Dis

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    • #3
      glug glug glug...

      Comment


      • #4
        Someone's been forgetting to wear his tinfoil hat.

        Libraries are state sanctioned, so they're technically engaged in privateering. - Felch
        I thought we're trying to have a serious discussion? It says serious in the thread title!- Al. B. Sure

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        • #5
          You have been educated stupid. You do not understand time cube.
          oh god how did this get here I am not good with livejournal

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          • #6
            HEY! I do so understand the reality of 4-dimensional TimeCubeTM!
            "Wait a minute..this isn''t FAUX dive, it's just a DIVE!"
            "...Mangy dog staggering about, looking vainly for a place to die."
            "sauna stories? There are no 'sauna stories'.. I mean.. sauna is sauna. You do by the laws of sauna." -P.

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            • #7
              Time's a CUBE? Well, that throws my whole theory out the window...:LOL:

              Anyway, my family has company come over the first saturday of every month, and this is what happens after about five glasses of very nice homemade wine.



              My apologies, and thank you for not banning me.
              1011 1100
              Pyrebound--a free online serial fantasy novel

              Comment


              • #8
                Elok's family has been contributing to the delinquency of a minor! BURN THEM!!!! BURN THEM ALLLL!!111
                I'm consitently stupid- Japher
                I think that opinion in the United States is decidedly different from the rest of the world because we have a free press -- by free, I mean a virgorously presented right wing point of view on the air and available to all.- Ned

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                • #9
                  I'm not a minor, I'm a twenty-year-old going to community college from home after flunki-

                  Er. Wait. Yeah, I'm a minor. Yeah. Never mind.
                  1011 1100
                  Pyrebound--a free online serial fantasy novel

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