note: This is The Column, a part of Apolyton where anyone can write about whatever he/she wants :) If you feel like writing, submit your article via the article submission page

PREVIOUS ARTICLES

#89 C:CTP: UPS AND DOWNS Timothy Pintello talks about the hits and misses he sees in C:CTP. #90 IT'S ALL ABOUT THE CUSTOMIZATION DarthVeda looks at the simplicity he sees in customizing CivII any which way. #91 HAVE THE FORUMS TAKEN OVER ME? Iain Lindley is worried about where his forum addiction will take him. #92 THE FAILURE OF EVOLUTION Timothy Weij worries about Sid's Dino game evolving as a RTS title. #93 CIVILIZATION & ITS DISCONTENTS Mark Everson evaluates Civilization II's rough edges. COLUMN ARCHIVE

As a recovered Apolyton addict myself, I could not help but be struck by Iain Lindley's clear plea for help in the recently posted Column #91. Lindley exhibited all the classic signs of forum addiction - staying up 'til the wee hours of morning, hallucinations of Apolyton characters, a broken household, and worst of all, cross-drug interactions (example: his intake of whiskey).

Now, one of the principles of Apolytolic Anonymous is that recovered Apolytolics must help other Apolytolics. Therefore, I have decided to be Iain Lindley's sponsor for A.A.

I suppose I should tell my own story of how I descended deeper and deeper into the hell of Apolyton Off-Topic. It began innocently enough in the old CTP Off-Topic. To make a long story short, the first signs of my addiction showed up when I nearly drove off the road in a burst of anger over my latest bout with King Clovis. My addiction grew worse as my parents learned how to spell "Apolyton" and I became increasingly embroiled in the new Apolyton Off-Topic. It all came crashing down when my bid for the Presidency ended in utter failure, and the utter revolutionary chaos that enveloped what was once a good forum. Worst of all, this addiction spread to my real life, when I literally pushed my sister away from the computer when she interrupted me making a feverish post.

It was GP that made me realize what a hell I had entered as an Apolytolic. The only thing that saved me was the realization that if I continued - that is, stubbornly held onto the Presidency - then the state of the Off-Topic would further deteriorate. And a trip to Solvang, California. I made my peace with Apolyton Off-Topic in a farewell message, and proceeded to Alisal Ranch (for a family reunion), a retreat without any computers or televisions or room phones for a week.

Miraculously, I was cured. My first test came when I arrived home, at the computer. I meekly checked the OT for replies to my farewell message, but I did not post. And the day turned into a week, and then into months. I have been a cured Apolytolic for over seven months, since June 23, 1999. [applause]

Now, I believe it's Iain's turn. To assist him, I have myself and the Twelve Steps of Apolytolics Anonymous:

1. We admitted that we were powerless over Apolyton - that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to a decision that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of Life, as we understood it. (Very important. The whole point of recovering from being an Apolytolic is returning to Life.)
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. (No, I'm not talking about post count).
5. Admitted to DarkosQ, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. (I'm available anytime).
6. Were entirely ready to have Life remove all these defects of character. (All these defects come from being an apolytolic, which can be cured only by returning to Life.)
7. Humbly asked Life (or your friends) to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. (Yes, this especially includes other Apolytoners, who may or may not be Apolytolics.) 9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. (For example, if you were the one who told DarkosQ on a certain person about his/her double login, then maybe you should not tell them that.)
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. (This is a life-long process. Even I do this today.)
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with Life as we understood it, praying only for knowledge of Its will for us and the power to carry that out. (I didn't go for that mumbo-jumbo, so this step is optional.)
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to Apolytolics and to practice these principles in all our affairs. (Guess which step I'm doing now?)

So there you go. Remember, only YOU can admit that you are an Apolytolic. Only YOU can begin the life-long process to cure yourself. Only then, will others help you. You must make the first step. Yes, you too, Iain.

Lifespeed!

[Disclaimer: This article is not intended to be a parody of Alcoholics Anonymous, a legitimate organization that supports millions of alcoholics every year, that saved my aunt's life]

---------
ABOUT AUTHOR: Civer.

Want to comment on this article?

The opinions expressed on this page do not necessarily reflect those of Apolyton CS or GameStats. They are just the personal opinions of the writer.