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What should I do?
This poll is closed. |
| Poverty isn't that bad, and you'll feel all smug once you've made a succes of yourself no thanks to them |
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9 |
75.00% |
| Listen to dad and continue as a tamed broken man |
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3 |
25.00% |
| Total: |
12 voters |
100% |
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Emperor
of the Krauts
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Mar 2000
time: 08:43
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If you can find any way, do what you want, not what your family wants.
Can't you get a small job just to continue studies, not full 5days/8hrs?
/my xx cents.
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Emperor
of the Electronic Egyptians
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Feb 2002
time: 01:43
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Be your own man; continue on your own path. Working in a field you hate will only make you even more bitter.
You don't need to be enrolled in classes to maintain your skills. But some effort would b e required. If you feel strongly about this, you have to put your money where your mouth is.
If you can find a compromise position as Snoopy suggests, great.
Good luck!
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Deity
Republic of Texas
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Sep 1999
time: 01:43
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It takes longer, but all my school was at night while working full-time, raising a new family,
No one can tell you what's right for you, though.
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Co-Founder
Macedonia, Greece
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Aug 1998
time: 09:43
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making your own decisions >> doing a silly job for a while
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King
Pune , Maharshtra
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Jul 2001
time: 13:13
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Well, a few more details would be necessary to make an informed decision. What is it that you are capable of doing, and what is it that your family wants you to do? Of course, I understand if you don't want to answer.
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Alinestra Covelia
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Queen
Read her lips, and do as she asks. (In private, preferably.)
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Feb 2000
time: 02:43
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I first read that word as "entrails" and was confused for a second.
But yes, Heraclitus, I'd say that at this point you have to decide for yourself. We're not close enough to the rift or the facts of your livelihood to tell you with any degree of authority.
For all the paths you put forth, there's going to be a valid positive and a valid negative. Say you go along with what your father demands. The immediate view will be that you caved in under pressure and that you let somebody else tell you what to do. But it's possible that in time you might change your mind and independently come to agree with him in your own right. If this happens (and it did happen to me with my parents) then your act of acceding will save you a lot of time and the best years of your life. Had I listened to my parents years ago and gone into law instead of journalism, I would have saved myself a lot of heartache, poverty, and wasted years... and I would have ended up in the same line of work as I'm in now.
Who's to say that this rosy outcome will happen? Not me, that's for sure. Only you know best.
On the flip side, there are things that it may be worth being uncompromising about. I've been there too. Using family issues as an example, I've grown quite frank with my parents about ways that they can and cannot talk to me. My father used to be a traditional Chinese father, expecting a great deal of deference and obedience - and he'd be willing to back this up with verbal abuse. I put up with this as a kid because I was too young to really state my own stance and to scope out my own boundaries. But starting from my 23rd year I had enough geographical distance from him to say to him "You can't keep doing this and expect me to still be part of your life."
His email communications have become much more moderate, and despite a few clashes in face-to-face communications, I think we're making progress.
I'm sorry I can't give you any better guidance than this. There are times to hold fast to your ideals when it really is completely subjective (such as what type of relationship with your family is acceptable to you). But there are times when objective factors do come into it, and in those times it can be quite dangerous to let nothing but abstract ideals guide you.
Specifically, it seems you're looking proactively into other sources of funding. Can you take out any student loans? These are generally a low-priority unsecured debt, so once you're making an income you can generally pay them off at a manageable schedule.
I would counsel that you make absolutely sure you can survive the fall, before you sever yourself from the family. There is a fine line between bravery and foolhardiness, and sometimes the only difference is in the preparations.
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Heraclitus
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Emperor
Slovenia
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Sep 2007
time: 08:43
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quote:
Originally posted by Alinestra Covelia
I first read that word as "entrails" and was confused for a second.
But yes, Heraclitus, I'd say that at this point you have to decide for yourself. We're not close enough to the rift or the facts of your livelihood to tell you with any degree of authority.
For all the paths you put forth, there's going to be a valid positive and a valid negative. Say you go along with what your father demands. The immediate view will be that you caved in under pressure and that you let somebody else tell you what to do. But it's possible that in time you might change your mind and independently come to agree with him in your own right. If this happens (and it did happen to me with my parents) then your act of acceding will save you a lot of time and the best years of your life. Had I listened to my parents years ago and gone into law instead of journalism, I would have saved myself a lot of heartache, poverty, and wasted years... and I would have ended up in the same line of work as I'm in now.
Who's to say that this rosy outcome will happen? Not me, that's for sure. Only you know best.
On the flip side, there are things that it may be worth being uncompromising about. I've been there too. Using family issues as an example, I've grown quite frank with my parents about ways that they can and cannot talk to me. My father used to be a traditional Chinese father, expecting a great deal of deference and obedience - and he'd be willing to back this up with verbal abuse. I put up with this as a kid because I was too young to really state my own stance and to scope out my own boundaries. But starting from my 23rd year I had enough geographical distance from him to say to him "You can't keep doing this and expect me to still be part of your life."
His email communications have become much more moderate, and despite a few clashes in face-to-face communications, I think we're making progress.
I'm sorry I can't give you any better guidance than this. There are times to hold fast to your ideals when it really is completely subjective (such as what type of relationship with your family is acceptable to you). But there are times when objective factors do come into it, and in those times it can be quite dangerous to let nothing but abstract ideals guide you.
Specifically, it seems you're looking proactively into other sources of funding. Can you take out any student loans? These are generally a low-priority unsecured debt, so once you're making an income you can generally pay them off at a manageable schedule.
I would counsel that you make absolutely sure you can survive the fall, before you sever yourself from the family. There is a fine line between bravery and foolhardiness, and sometimes the only difference is in the preparations. |
Thanks for the advice AC. 
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Deity
of Spam
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Dec 2003
time: 07:43
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Doesn't your university have some sort of hardship fund? You may want to look into that in case you decide to choose your own route in life.
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Deity
Republic of Texas
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Sep 1999
time: 01:43
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