PTWDG II - Team "Cake or Death?"

[FrustratedPoet]

TEAM NAME: Cake or Death?

THEME: Eddie Izzard

PHILOSOPHY: Making jokes is the first goal of the team, winning the game is about sixth ..... and the Duck was ninth.
In terms of actually playing the game, we're gonna be very relaxed about it, obviously. It'll be more like a succession game than a demogame from our point of view. No structured government style, any player can play the turns (we'll try to rotate it, depending on who has free time).
The current plan is to play as the English civ.

MEMBERS:
FrustratedPoet
Arrian
alva
Big Crunch
Theseus
Ixnay
Shiber
Jamski

If I've forgotten anyone I apologise profusely - let me know if I've missed you out of the list.

If you want to join the team then please post in this thread to let us know. New members gratefully received. The only requirement is that you demonstrate a love for Eddie Izzard in your application.

[FrustratedPoet]

"Cake or death?"

"Eh, cake please."

"Very well! Give him cake!"

"Oh, thanks very much. It's very nice."

"You! Cake or death?"

“Uh, cake for me, too, please."

"Very well! Give him cake, too! We're gonna run out of cake at this rate. You! Cake or death?"

"Uh, death, please. No, cake! Cake! Cake, sorry. Sorry..."

"You said death first, uh-uh, death first!"

"Well, I meant cake!"

"Oh, all right. You're lucky I'm Church of England!" Cake or death?"

"Uh, cake please."

"Well, we're out of cake! We only had three bits and we didn't expect such a rush. So what do you want?"

"Well, so my choice is 'or death’? I’ll have the chicken then, please.

“Taste of human, sir. Would you like a white wine? There you go, thank you very much.”

“ Thank you for flying Church of England, cake or death?"

[Arrian]

Ooh-eee-ooh-eee, THOOM!

Wanna rack 'o baby?

-Arrian

[alva]

Idea for an in-team competition:
If you're able to post with an actual Izzard quote(public00 or private forum) you get a point, the one with the most points gets absolutely nothing :D

(Not that I have any doubt on who will win this :hmmm: ;) )

[Arrian]

"Because the Church of England had a lack of principles for a long time, it's hard to get worked up about anything. I mean, it's hard to be headstrong about things. You can't say 'you must have tea & cake with the Vicar or you DIE!' You can't have extreme points of view. Tea and cake or death! Students with beards - 'Tea and Cake or death, Tea and Cake or death, little red cookbook, little red cookbook!'"

Ok, that's from memory. Now, because I'm insane, I'm going to go check the transcript and see how close I am.

-Arrian

[Arrian]

Wow, not even close. My memory cut out the whole bit about Islamic jihads (I find that part slightly creepy nowadays, by the way) and the torture.

Because the Anglican faith had a lack of principles for a long time. You can't get really headstrong about it. You can't say, you know, like the Islamic jihads that we hear bout. We get scared about those Islamic jihads. I think we do assume that everyone who is into the Islamic religion is having a jihad every other bloody day. There's a lot of very relaxed Islamic people, and we got to understand - remember, this is very important - and we do assume that jihads are just like, you know, everyday three jihads are issued by every individual. It just seems they're everywhere . "The fruit shop shortchanged me! A ****ing jihad on them!" Bump into someone, say,


"Hey! A ****ing jihad on you!"

"How many jihads have you got going now, Dad?"

"Well, 24. God, it's difficult to keep up with them!"


I just don't think that's happening. But you can't do that in Church of England, you can't say, "You must have tea and cake with the Vicar, or you die!" You can't have extreme points of view, you know. The Spanish Inquisition wouldn't have worked with Church of England.


"Talk! Will you talk!"

"But it hurts!"

"Well, loosen it up a bit, will you? Fine..."


‘Cause that's what it would be. "Tea and cake or death? Tea and cake or death? Tea and cake or death!" Students with beards, ( mimes demonstrating with picket signs ) "Tea and cake or death! Tea and cake or death! Little Red Cookbook! Little Red Cookbook!"

-Arrian

[Zero]

I would join this team only if I didnt want to start my Team monkey.

[Beta]

Earth to Arrian... Earth to Arrian... Come in please... (only static in response:( )

[alva]

We all receive Arrian A-ok here, thank you very much :p :D

[FrustratedPoet]

Originally posted by BetaHound
Earth to Arrian... Earth to Arrian... Come in please... (only static in response:( )

*static*...... *more static*

"Hello, Swindon, I am here. Swindon, can you hear me?"

[Jamski]

I am a particularly evil giraffe, I'm sure the team could use one of those :D Yeah, count me in, if only for the amusement value of reading this thread.

-Jam

[FrustratedPoet]

"I'm an evil herbivore ... AHAHAHA! I shall eat all the leaves on this tree, I shall eat more leaves than I should - then other giraffes may die. AHAHAHA! I shall hide berries where no-one can see them."

:D

You're in!

[Jamski]

Yippeeeee!

I even get the real quote as a reward. You must be getting these (and the other quotes) from a transcript though? Or should I be really scared by what you have stored in your memory?

-Jam

[FrustratedPoet]

I quoted that one from memory, but THIS SITE (http://www.auntiemomo.com/cakeordeath/fun.html) has the transcripts to three of Eddie's shows.

/me checks with the transcipt "y, know ... fer accuracy"

[FrustratedPoet]

text from transcipt:
“I will eat all the leaves on this tree. (mimes eating leaves) I will eat more leaves than I should… and then other giraffes may die. (evil chuckle) I am an evil herbivore!” (mimes the giraffe walk) It’s very difficult to be evil. “I will hide berries where no one can see them.” (evil chuckle)

hmm, I left out the miming references on purpose so I guess I got it about 80% right. I put the 'evil herbivore' bit in the wrong place and forgot thee 'it's very difficult...' bit.

God I'm sad. :D

[Jamski]

:lol:

And then he goes on to Noah talking to the ducks...

-Jam

[Jamski]

And there’s others like taxidermist! You can’t just go, “Oh, I was just working at the chip shop, and I just started stuffing animals with sand,” you know? You’ve gotta want to be! “I want to be a taxidermist! I wanna fill animals with sand. (mimes stuffing an animal) I wanna get more sand into an animal than anybody has ever bloody got in one. I wanna fill a rat with the entire Gobi Desert, so it’s really quite tight.”

They should put more things in, not just sand, that gets boring. “Porridge, I’m doing this one with porridge!” (mimes stapling the stuffed animal shut) Staple gun…

“I’ve done your dog, it’s is finished. I filled it with porridge.” (flop)

“It’s a bit floppy…”

“Yeah, that’s porridge to you, you know? You’ve got a two-level effect.”

“I’ve got nine-level effect.”

“Yeah, I’ve done your cat – he’s with helium.” (mimes holding the cat as a balloon over his head)

“It’s a bit high up…”

“Yeah, that’s helium, friend. There’s no height restriction.” (mimes pulling on string) “Here.” (lets go of string and catches it again) “If you grab it, you’ve got two controls.”

“Oh,yeah, I see it!”

And the cat is going (mimes balloon losing air), with that fixed expression…

Picasso, he should have been a taxidermist!

“I’ve done your dog. It’s got nine eyes down the side, I made his head all square, 15 legs. What do you think of that?”

“Fido looks a bit weird.”

That's my all time favorite one.

-Jam

[Arrian]

Originally posted by FrustratedPoet


*static*...... *more static*

"Hello, Swindon, I am here. Swindon, can you hear me?"

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

I'm not quite at the moon yet, but I can see right over the houses!

-Arrian

[Dauphin]

If we are the Romans we could have Mr Dog as our leader name.

[Arrian]

Or the Emperor Fabulous, or perhaps Fabulous II, or even Really Interesting Guy.

We are leaning towards being the English, but Rome is another good option.

-Arrian

[Shiber]

If the game would ever get to the modern age, and the team would actually survive until then, we absolutely must build the Internet wonder so we could wipe it out. :D

[Theseus]

So I'm at this business conference, and one of the speakers is talking about "personal branding."

And she says something like:

"Now, let's talk about first impressions. There have been studies on this at Harvard... what do you think counts the most? Well, it's about 90% how you look and sound, and 10% what you actually say."

I and a couple of Brits in the audience fell down laughing.

[FrustratedPoet]

:lol:

[Shiber]

:b: -> your new avatar FP!

[Zero]

Ive been thinking about using stewey as avatar myself..

Except the pic is in "3D".

Also, you guys dont seem to have an ingame policy. Being an all out sarcastic joking making team is great and all, but what are you gonna do differently in game? Other teams have policies that affect game play.. are you guys gonna abandon a city for the hell of it? Declare war on your neighbors just to psych them out? ;)

[alva]

If we're to be Germans, we are gonna build up an empire and f* it all away loosing a war..
As the japanese we're gonna wait until we can declare war on the the biggest super power out there, and if we end up on a peninsula we're gonna build and build and build up...:D
-

[Theseus]

If we play the French, we want to attack someone across tundra...

[Shiber]

"Brrrr, it's a bit cold, it's a bit cold..."
We could do the same as the Germans: "Ooh, I've got another idea, I have another idea. Brrrr, it's the same idea, it's the same idea..."
As the Zulus (which is not quite the Cambodians but as close as you get in Civ3PTW), we can poprush a lot thus "killing our own people", and everyone else would say "good, we've been trying to kill you ourselves for ages".

[Theseus]

Death death death death death... LUNCH... death death death.

Sorta like GS and Vox.

:lol:

[Theseus]

Just don;t go into that guy's house!!

[Arrian]

:lol: @ Theseus.

Also, you guys dont seem to have an ingame policy. Being an all out sarcastic joking making team is great and all, but what are you gonna do differently in game? Other teams have policies that affect game play.. are you guys gonna abandon a city for the hell of it? Declare war on your neighbors just to psych them out?

Well, we're definitely going to use Izzardisms for city names, in-team titles, units, military operations, etc.

We might be colonianist bastards if the opportunity arises. "Just sail 'round the world and stick a flag in!"

We're mostly in it to amuse ourselves, I think. Playing as the English, I doubt we're in it to "win." :D

-Arrian

[FrustratedPoet]

Note: The Monty Python team might want to play as the English. We'll have to wait and see what they want. I'm sure something could be worked out - we could certainly be the Romans instead if we wanted.

[Dauphin]

The Pythons may want to be Romans, and play the Life of Brian role to death. ;)

[alva]

How about..
All our citizens must be happy at all times? (maybe more something for the Sunshine team though)

[Arrian]

Definitely more of a sunshine team thing, I think.

Our people may have to have a bit of an inferiority thing going...

"Tell me your dreams, kid"
"I want to be a space astronaut, go to outer space and discover things that have never been discovered!"
"Look, you're British, so scale it down a bit"
"Alright then, I want to work in a shoe shop, and discover shoes that have never been discovered, right at the back of the shop on the left."
"Look, you're British, so scale it down a bit"
"Alright, I wanna work in a sewer, then, and pile sewage on my head, and come to the surface and sell myself to an art galley"
"What the **** have you been smoking, 'eh?"

-Arrian

[Shiber]

:lol:
"I advise you to get a career, what can I say?"

[ThePlagueRat]

Nice thread indeed. :lol:
How do I become member of the 'cake or death?'

[FrustratedPoet]

How do I become member of the 'cake or death?'

Just asking is usually good enough. :D

Of course, if you can provide an Izzard quote that makes me laugh that might smooth the wheels of the administrative system. ;)

You get extra credit if it isn't from Dress to Kill, since that show is dominating our quote-a-thon so far. :)

[Arrian]

You get extra credit if it isn't from Dress to Kill, since that show is dominating our quote-a-thon so far

:cute:

[FrustratedPoet]

If you ever come to the UK on holiday or business, Arrian, you're more than welcome to come round to my house and we can stay up all night watching the shows you've never seen, drinking beer and laughing our asses off! :D

[alva]

Have you got the 'circle' video yet FP?

[FrustratedPoet]

Not yet. Everything I've heard about it makes it sounds really quite bad - apparently he spends a bit too much time lecturing about history and European integration (with less-than-accurate facts, it seems) and not enough time actually saying funny stuff. I'm hesitant to have my opinion of Eddie tarnished by watching an inferior performance.

I might have to get it eventually, though, there must be some good quotable stuff on there at least.

[FrustratedPoet]

Having said that, though, the first time I saw Dress to Kill I was very disappointed because I felt it wasn't as good as Definite Article or Glorious. It certainly improved greatly with subsequent viewings and is now my joint-second favourite. :)

I keep meaning to get "Live at the Ambassadors" too, which is his earliest recorded show I believe. I heard a few brief audio clips of it and they were excellent.

[alva]

That is a good show :)
i've seen the first 2 minutes of 'circle', and they are scary. Eddie and nylons :scared: :nono: :D

[FrustratedPoet]

If anyone wants an Eddie avatar then here are some to choose from:

http://apolyton.net/upload/files/FrustratedPoet/izzard05.jpg

http://apolyton.net/upload/files/FrustratedPoet/izzard10.jpg

http://apolyton.net/upload/files/FrustratedPoet/izzard11.jpg

http://apolyton.net/upload/files/FrustratedPoet/izzard12.jpg

http://apolyton.net/upload/files/FrustratedPoet/izzard13.jpg

http://apolyton.net/upload/files/FrustratedPoet/izzard_toronto.jpg

[Dauphin]

I'll stick with the one I've got thanks. ;)

[FrustratedPoet]

We'd all be very cross if Ashley ever left us Crunchy. :)

[Arrian]

Originally posted by FrustratedPoet
If you ever come to the UK on holiday or business, Arrian, you're more than welcome to come round to my house and we can stay up all night watching the shows you've never seen, drinking beer and laughing our asses off! :D

'Tis a kind offer you make. And who knows? Half my family is over in the UK, and I may indeed end up visiting (again) at some point. And since that side of the family is mostly much older than I, I may be in dire need of a night of Eddie & Beer. ;)

I extend the same offer, though I can't promise you Eddie you haven't seen. The beer I can handle. :D

-Arrian

[Zero]

I'd take this team more seriously if the team name was "Bananas or Poo?"

*Calc throws poo at the CoD team* :D

[ThePlagueRat]

Oink...
*TPR snatches the Cake and is now sitting in a tree poking his fingers into it*

It's just Death left here now... :p

[Arrian]

OUR monkey specializes in exposing Eddie's limited ability to speak French by engaging in all sorts of activities except the one he's supposed to be doing (to simply stay "up a tree"). He likes to steal city buses, apparently, and made a cameo appearance in the French release of Speed. Dunno if he was throwing poo at the time.

-Arrian

[GhengisFarb™]

Originally posted by Calc II

*Calc throws poo at the CoD team* :D

Cod? This is the Cod Team? I'll have you know that Cod is not near as effective at cutting down the tallest tree in the forest as Herring.

[Beta]

Originally posted by Theseus
So I'm at this business conference, and one of the speakers is talking about "personal branding."

And she says something like:

"Now, let's talk about first impressions. There have been studies on this at Harvard... what do you think counts the most? Well, it's about 90% how you look and sound, and 10% what you actually say."

I and a couple of Brits in the audience fell down laughing.

Theseus - been a while since I've checked this thread. This cracked me up.:lol:

I think I was at a similar session about a month ago.:)

[Zero]

To FP:

Ever since you changed the avatar, when Im reading your post, I mentally hear Stewie reading the post for me.

[sp0rkius]

sorry, posted in the wrong forum and it wont le me delete it...

[Arrian]

Ok, are we definitely playing as the English? And who is our leader? FP?

It looks like this thing might get moving, so we need to know.

-Arrian

[FrustratedPoet]

Civ choice thread:
http://apolyton.net/forums/showthread.php?s=&postid=2058194&t=3745#post2058194

[eklektikos]

Is it too late to sign up for this team? I love the Izzard theme (and this whole thread) :lol:

[FrustratedPoet]

No it's not too late to join. :D

Click this link - http://apolyton.net/forums/civgroups.php?s= - and join the Cake or Death? civgroup. After I authorise you for the forum then you'll be able to view and post in it.

[FrustratedPoet]

OK eklektikos, I've authorised you now.

The private forum is here: http://apolyton.net/forums/forumdisplay.php?s=&forumid=204

Enjoy. :D

[BRC]

Still too late to get in??

[FrustratedPoet]

No, not too late at all. The game's still near the beginning so it's pretty quiet. There's ample room for new members.

If you join the civgroup I'll authorise you for the private forum.

Welcome :D:b:

[BRC]

Thanks

[FrustratedPoet]

OK, you should be able to get in now; http://apolyton.net/forums/forumdisplay.php?s=&forumid=204

[Cort Haus]

I want to join and agitate for us to research Jam. Off the bat while building the granary, so we can store more Jam, and then trade it for wine to make alcoholic jam, and ivory to make pianos to listen to while we're eating it, and silks for the girls to dance in. And for King Eddie.

There had better be some wheat nearby, as there's nothing worse than jam with no bread to act as a vehicle. Spoon of jam anyone?

I'm fed up with lighthouse dashes and galley-going contact collecting. Let's stay home and make Jam.

[Arrian]

:lol:

[Zero]

I saw Dress to kill on HBO demand today. Eddie Izzard is a funny guy.


Is he really a transvestite?

[Arrian]

Yes, but do remember that he is an Executive Transvestite, not a Weirdo Transvestite, like J. Edgar Hoover.

-Arrian

[Zero]

indeed.

[OzzyKP]

Y'all need to hurry up and get paratroopers...

what could be more surprising than the 1st Battalion Transvestite Brigade? Airborne wing – the airborne wing parachuting into dangerous areas with fantastic makeup! And a fantastic gun. And the opposing forces going, “f_ck'nhell, look at these guys. Hey… Suckaaas. They’ve got guns! They’ve got guns! Jesus, wha – they’ve got guns!” Ahhh, bugger. I was so surprised. Were you surprised? I was surprised.

[OzzyKP]

I don't have Civ3, so I can't join your group, but three thumbs up!

:b: :b: :b:

Eddie Izzard rocks. I've only got his Dressed to Kill stuff, but that **** cracks me up.

Btw, there is one guy floating around this place called Emperor of Fabulous, you should recruit him.

[Mountain Sage]

Hi everybody,

Thanks to Theseus and Arrian, I just joined your team.

Now, what I am supposed to do? :expect: