Lampoons of your favourite team

[notyoueither]

:lol:
Edmonton Oilers

From Wikiality
Edmonton Oilers
is Hockey-related making it un-American
Edmonton Oilers is too Canadian, speak American, eh.

The Edmonton Oilers are a solid-water hockey team playing in the National Hockey League (NHL), and are currently based out of a small, obscure section of frozen tundra in Western Canada.

No one knows exactly where Edmonton is, due to the fact that it is currently buried under 15 feet of snow. As a result, the Oilers are forced to play every single one of their games on the road.

Origins
The team was originally founded by descendants of Soviet dictator, Joseph Stalin, who came to the Western world in search of the spices that had been, allegedly, stolen from the East. Historians still wonder, to this day, why they didn't try looking for them in the most obvious place first.

In early 1979, however, their error would prove costly, as a band of American freedom-fighters--who came to Canada in search of beer to be drunk at a mass draft-dodger burning--found the men and put a halt to their plan. The men were forced to surrender ownership of the team. However, because of the fact that the team did not have any players, nor an arena to play in, they were immediately sold to a local liquor store, in exchange for 3 kegs of Molson Canadian.

That night, the team became known as the "Edmonton Beer Barons" and, later that week, were accepted into the NHL as an expansion franchise set to begin play during the 1979-80 season. Players were eventually picked up--mostly hitchhikers found on the way to the nearest arena.

In 1997, the Beer Barons became known as the "Oilers", after purchasing the name from the National Football League's Houston Oilers at a garage sale held before Houston was scheduled to move to Tennessee.

Controversy
The Edmonton Oilers are no strangers to controversy. During the 1980s--under the leadership of a James Bond-like rookie (Wayne Gretzky), and a bald man, simply referred to as "Moose"--the team, on numerous occasions, tried to steal the Stingley Cup from the year's actual winner, and then convince people that the cup was theirs. However, on every occasion, the cup was returned to its rightful owner (any of the Detroit Red Wings/Chicago Blackhawks/Pittsburgh Penguins/New York Islanders from 1980-1983, and the New York Rangers from 1984-1989.)

The Oilers came under fire again during the 2000-01 season, having been accused by hockey rivals and gay-rights activists, the Calgary Flames, of practicing slave labour, after 5 African-American men (Sean Brown, Anson Carter, Joaquin Gage, Mike Grier and Georges Laraque) were found to be on the Oilers' roster. However, it was later revealed that these were actually just four of the white Oilers' black friends, who were called up from the Oilers' minor-league affiliate in Kingston, Jamaica.

Most recently, the Oilers have faced their biggest problem to date, after a picture of Stephen Jr., wearing an Oilers jersey, surfaced exclusively on a recent episode of The Colbert Report. Word has yet to be released on how the eagle came to wear the jersey; however, one can only speculate that he was kidnapped and forced against his will to put it on.

Accomplishments
The Edmonton Oilers are the only Canadian NHL team to be referenced by Stephen Colbert on The Colbert Report... twice!
http://images.wikia.com/wikiality/images/thumb/200px-Oilers_on_colbert.jpg
The photo of Stephen Jr. after being (one can assume) kidnapped and forced to wear the Oilers' home jersey against his will, as seen on The Colbert Report.

After losing to the Carolina Hurricanes in the 2006 Stingley Cup Finals, they are the most recent Canadian team to (legitimately) almost win the Stingley Cup, thus making them the best Canadian team in the NHL.
At least the Oilers aren't bear lovers, like the Boston Bruins; who, by the way, the Oilers always beat.

http://www.wikiality.com/Edmonton_Oilers

[notyoueither]

This was meant for us all to share, people.

There have to be good pieces on the Yankees, ManU, the Lions (both leagues) etc?

There's nothing about Arsenal? The only non English team playing in the EPL?

[snoopy369]

Not my favorite team, nor my favourite team, but plenty of lampoons of the Cubs out there :)

www.chicagosuntimes.com
www.worldseries.com

for two :)

Haven't seen a good white sox parody yet online, though there is a newspaper on the north side that's a parody sports page that insults and parodies the Sox :)

[Tuberski]

Aren't the Cubs a lampoon of real baseball teams?

:p ACK!

[Arrian]

Lampooning the Yankees is so common that I'm not even sure where to begin.

The Onion does it now and again (using the "buying all the players" meme).

-Arrian

[Asher]

Not my favourite team, but...

Edmonton Oilers Press Release:

The Edmonton Oilers have signed defenceman Dale Durgeon from the Cancun Chilly Peppers of the Latin American Hockey League.

Durgeon's signing was made necessary by numerous injuries. The Oilers now have 6 defencemen sidelined due to injury: out of the lineup are Tom Gilbert (concussion), Jan Hejda (shoulder), Mathieu Roy (concussion), Steve Staios (knee), Daniel Tjarnqvist (inflamed pubic bone), and Jason Smith (self-inflicted gunshot wound).

Durgeon, a 6’0�, 181-pound 28-year-old from Field, BC, has scored one assist with fourteen penalty minutes and is -2 in eighteen games with Cancun. The Chilly Peppers are the third team he has played for in 2006-07, as he has also suited up for the LAHL’s Mazatlan Kidnappers, as well as the "Calum" Team on OLN's Road Hockey Rumble.

Francois Boot, an undrafted defenceman with the Saskatchewan Junior Hockey League's La Ronge Ice Wolves, has been advised to "stand by".

[Cort Haus]

Originally posted by notyoueither
There's nothing about Arsenal? The only non English team playing in the EPL?

Arsenal get constantly crucified in the British media for not having many English, British, or Irish players.

The problem is that English players are over-priced and over-paid. Englishman Ashley Cole left Arsenal to join the Mafia-funded Russian Circus (Chelsea) because he thought that the £55,000 per week he was offered to be an insult. Now Abramovic pays him over £100,000 per week. As Arsenal are having to fund a £300 million+ new stadium they cannot afford the crazy transfer prices and wages that the top English players cost.

Another englishman, Sol Campbell, said that he wanted to play abroad, and left the club. He lied, and went to Portsmouth. The reason he left, it turned out, was that he fancied another player's girlfriend, and it was doing his head in. During his last season he was so unprofessional that after being responsible for a defeat by half-time by letting in two goals because he couldn't be bothered to concentrate, he walked out of the stadium and fled AWOL to Belgium for a few weeks.

Arsenal still have Theo Walcott, the £12 million 17-year old, and Justin Hoyte playing for them, although these youngsters are not currently first-choice players.

In recent years, under pressure to buy English, Arsenal wasted millions on rubbish players like Francis Jeffers and Richard Wright. These players have since moved on to nowhere at all - failing wherever they went.

Rivals Chelsea, Man Utd, Liverpool and Tottenham have all spent more than Arsenal on players over the last five years.

The only one of the top four clubs owned by English people, however, is Arsenal. Chelsea are Russian, Man Utd and Liverpool are USAian.

[SlowwHand]

Dallas Cowboys Win 6th Super Bowl!

(Dallas, TX) Dallas Cowboys owner and General Manager Jerry Jones along with the rest of the Cowboys organization and nation are celebrating a record 6th Super Bowl win, as the Indianapolis Colts defeated the Chicago Bears 29-17 Sunday night in Miami. "We're champions too!" screamed Jones to hundreds of Cowboys gathering for a victory parade. "We did it. We did it!"

If this sounds confusing to you, considering that the Cowboys not only did not play in the Super Bowl, but also did not make it past the first round in the playoffs; you are not alone.

"Jerry is thinking like old college football," said ESPN anchor Chris Berman "He's saying that since they beat Indianapolis, and the Colts won the Super Bowl, they should at least share the Super Bowl championship."

If that's the thinking, then shouldn't the Philadelphia Eagles share the Super Bowl championship too, since they swept the Cowboys in the 06 season?

"You would think yes, but no," added Berman "In the Eagles' case they may have beaten the Cowboys, but they lost to the Colts. So they're out."

Using that logic means that every team who beat the Colts in the 2006 season, like the lowly Houston Texans, would have a share in the Super Bowl victory.

"Sounds good to me," said Texans Head Coach Gary Kubiak "Hey guys! We won the Super Bowl too!"

While the two other teams, the Tennessee Titans and Jacksonville Jaguars, who handed the Colts a loss prepare to celebrate their share of the Super Bowl championship, every other team is calling on NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell to stop the madness. But Goodell isn't sold that sharing a Super Bowl is madness. "Maybe the old college system has its merits," said Goodell "Maybe our whole playoff system is outdated. Maybe a series of bowl games is better...I'm going to have to think about this."

Upon hearing all the Super Bowl controversy, Indianapolis Colts quarterback and Super Bowl MVP Peyton Manning said, "Are you ****ing kidding me?" And his head coach Tony Dungy said, "They wouldn't pull this **** if I was white...Get me Al Sharpton!"

[notyoueither]

Originally posted by Cort Haus


Arsenal get constantly crucified in the British media for not having many English, British, or Irish players.

The problem is that English players are over-priced and over-paid. Englishman Ashley Cole left Arsenal to join the Mafia-funded Russian Circus (Chelsea) because he thought that the £55,000 per week he was offered to be an insult. Now Abramovic pays him over £100,000 per week. As Arsenal are having to fund a £300 million+ new stadium they cannot afford the crazy transfer prices and wages that the top English players cost.

Another englishman, Sol Campbell, said that he wanted to play abroad, and left the club. He lied, and went to Portsmouth. The reason he left, it turned out, was that he fancied another player's girlfriend, and it was doing his head in. During his last season he was so unprofessional that after being responsible for a defeat by half-time by letting in two goals because he couldn't be bothered to concentrate, he walked out of the stadium and fled AWOL to Belgium for a few weeks.

Arsenal still have Theo Walcott, the £12 million 17-year old, and Justin Hoyte playing for them, although these youngsters are not currently first-choice players.

In recent years, under pressure to buy English, Arsenal wasted millions on rubbish players like Francis Jeffers and Richard Wright. These players have since moved on to nowhere at all - failing wherever they went.

Rivals Chelsea, Man Utd, Liverpool and Tottenham have all spent more than Arsenal on players over the last five years.

The only one of the top four clubs owned by English people, however, is Arsenal. Chelsea are Russian, Man Utd and Liverpool are USAian.

You're preaching to the converted. I'm a Gunner supporter. :)

Still, there must be some funny **** in the British press or websites over the composition of Arsene's first side. And then there's that walking quote across the way with the ill-gotten Russian mafia money.

Post them, please. :)

Lampoons though. Not hateful stuff. Some envy should be allowed, but there should be some humour in it.

[notyoueither]

Originally posted by SlowwHand


Someone gets it. :)

[Cort Haus]

Well, there's a spoof of the Chelsea chant :

One men went to mow,
Went to mow a meadow,
One man and his dog,
Went to mow a meadow,

Two men went to mow,
Went to mow a meadow,
Two men, one man and his dog,
Went to mow a meadow ........


which goes :

One man went to lift
Went to lift Frank Lampard
One men and his fork-lift truck
Went to lift Frank Lampard

Two men went to lift
Went to lift Frank Lampard
Two men, one men and his fork-lift truck
Went to lift Frank Lampard

Three men went to lift .....


there also one about the traitor Ashley Cole, but that's really not very nice.

[reds4ever]

Cort, whats the Campbell - G/F thing? I must have missed that one...

[Cort Haus]

I don't know the details - I'll try and find out.

[LordShiva]

Chelsea is most definitely not my favourite team, but here:

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[MikeH]

there also one about the traitor Ashley Cole, but that's really not very nice.

When Ashley Cole was still at Arsenal (before he moved to a good team) there was the court case where he was defending himself against slurs he was gay.

One paper ran the headline: "Ashley Cole: I'm Not a Rear Gunner."

[Cort Haus]

Found this on a Spurs site :


Formed in 1886 by a group of para-military agitants who assumed the name of the nearby South London armaments depot, Woolwich Arsenal. They did so in the hope that deliveries intended for the depot would be re-directed to them for their nefarious activities. Their aim was to take the Football League by storm; however, being based in Plumstead meant that they had a tricky river crossing to make before they reached civilization. They were also known as Dial Square Football Club for a while, after they adopted their sponsor's name into their title. (They were a premium cost phone line for the negative, lateral passing game called "Dial Square Football") Arsenal have always been a rich club. No old leather medicine balls for them in training. Oh, no. They used, their now famous, marble balls of Highbury. In fact, when they wanted to play their football in the most fashionable part of London, the only piece of land available was a large burial mound (High-bury) in an area that was notable for it's mass graves during the Black Death of the 17th Century (i.e. Finsbury, Cannonbury, Gunnersbury). The ground was intended to be built by part-time decorators, but owing to a typographical error in the advertisement, it was built using art deco. Thus, it has the look of a pre-World War II stadium built for dictators on the continent or a base for a tacky table lamp.

The club has always been at the forefront on innovations for the game. They were the first to play a recognised centre-half. They were the first to introduce the twin centre-halves. They became the originators of the three central defender system. One wonders just what they will come up with next !! The finest moment of their history undoubtedly came in 1971, when they completed the "Double" that they have become famous for - beating Tottenham Hotspur home and away. Since then there have been trophies along the way, but they are better known for their humiliating defeats at the hands of lesser opposition in cup competitions at home (York, Wrexham, Millwall) and in Europe (Winterslag, PAOK Salonika, Spartak Moscow). Indeed, they added to their infamous European role of shame by losing last season's UEFA Cup final to Galatasaray of Turkey in a penalty shoot-out.

Unfairly labelled a 'negative' and 'defensive' team, they seek to recapture the halcyon days of the 1930's when the club was in the ascendancy. Ever since then, they have carried the "Lucky" Arsenal tag, which they stole from Middlesbrough Ironopolis just before they went out of existence. It is rumoured that a horse and cart involved in the construction of Highbury, are interred under the stadium, with their feet pointing upwards so the horseshoes are the right way up. For several years a family of black cats resided in the referee's dressing room, before a complaint to the FA made the club remove them. The strong links with Ireland resulted from the club sending representatives over to find a four leaf clover, but ended up forging an association with Shamrock Rovers. The drafting of players from the Emerald Isle was intended to allow some of the luck of the Irish to rub off on the other squad members.

Overall, a team that is much loved throughout the country and one that everybody loves to see do well.

FAMOUS PLAYERS :- Willie Young, Gus Caeser, Terry Neill, David Price, Canon B.O. Ring Esq., Malcolm Webster, David Hillier.

FAMOUS FANS : - Jeremy Beadle (TV Prankster), Melvyn Bragg (TV Presenter and author), Rory McGrath (Comedian), Frankie Dettori (Jockey), Aled Jones (child singer); David Miliband MP, Peter Hyman MP.


The rumour of the horse and cart is interesting as I've heard it elsewhere - minus the lucky horseshoe reference. Now they are redeveloping the old ground as flats I wonder if they found anything?