The Glory of News - SPECIAL WAR EDITION!

[Master Zen]

The Glory of News
All the News thats unfit to print

SPECIAL WAR EDITION!!!


-----------------------------

SPECIAL REPORT
GoW Declares War on Lux!
Trip must be destroyed once and for all.


IMPERIAL CITY - With banners flying, troops goosestepping through the capital's boulevards, aircraft screaming overhead and ships departing to their war stations, the Glory of War pronouced today that a state of war exists with it's old enemy, Lux Invicta. The mobilization orders had been issued months in advance, and millions of young GoWers marched off proudly to serve their country once again. The declaration of war, though highly rumoured, came as a surprise to many, especially considering the sudden return of the self-exiled Emperor Master Zen from a top secret vodka tonic rehabilitation center deep in the mountains of Little Bob. Our correspondent interviewed a number of young soldiers who paraded on the BouleFarb, Imperial City's main thoroughfare:

GoN: "So, who are you going to war against?"
Private Gwar: "Lux, I think"
GoN: "Wasn't Lux destroyed a million years ago?"
Private Gwar: "Umm... really?"
GoN: "What do they teach in history these days then?"
Private Gwar: "Well all I remember is some stuff about chickens and squid..."
GoN: "That was Home Ec class"
Private Gwar: "Yeah, maybe you're right"

In a survey conducted by The Glory of News, 89% of the GoW population still did not know who they were going to war against, 78% thought that Lux still existed, and 58% thought that stormchicken tasted better than squid.


------------------------------

Master Zen returns! Signs declaration of war against Lego

IMPERIAL CITY - Mysteriously locked up in an alcohol rehabilitation center deep in the mountains of his native Zenophobia, Emperor Zen was finally reinstated in the Imperial Throne after a number of decades of abscence. Though no official declaration has been made public, it is rumored that an addiction to vodka tonics and dom Farbignon wine was the cause of his self-exile.

His first act as Emperor was to sign a declaration of war. When asked why, official spokesperson Gen. Ichy-As simply replied "Because we're the Glory of WAR not the glory of PEACE. The people are sick of so much peace-loving hippie building." After ending the parliament session, a declaration of war was handed out to the Emperor in a multiple-choice format. "We really didn't know who to declare war against so we decided to let him decide for himself" explained Gen. Ichy. When asked why exactly he chose Lego, the spokesperson whispered back: "off the record, he had a thing for Megablocks."


------------------------------

Ruins of Lux National Amusement Park changed to Ecological Preservation Site
Legacy of Eco-Friendly Emperor

SKULLGARIA - One of the leading attractions in GoW was completely razed to the ground and in its place, an ecological preservation site built. The Ruins of Lux, one of the oldest historical sites in Bob was cleared after a decree from the ecological-minded government of Panzerius XXXII which declared the area a natural heritage site. "We figured that all the horribly mutated offspring of Trip which roamed the hamlets around the park deserved to have their own wilderness, they were scaring the visitors". said Wildlife Marshal Deadrock. Inter-family/pet inbreeding was a common characteristic of Luxian culture. Trip himself is said to be of mixed descent: half human, half very-annoying-and-obnoxious-big-eyed-mosquito. "Preservation of these species is fundamental to the future of our empire's flora and fauna. Where else will you find big furry monsters and giant eyes floating around?".

------------------------------

Weather Service


Imperial City - Cold and dreary like MZ's heart
Legoland - Hurricane warning
Eye of the Storm - Crying you a river
Roleplay - It's raining squid
Vox Controli - Immortal drizzle
Neu Theben - Golden shower

[Master Zen]

BREAKING NEWS
GoW Bombs Lego!
War taken to the enemy's heartland


TRAFALGAR - In what marks a milestone in history, military action occured in the Lego continent as coal minefields were assaulted by GoW heavy bombers in a daring raid into enemy territory. Flying low to avoid radar detection and equipped with the powerful Crapper bombsight, the bombers targeted railroad installations and the massive coal mine itself which was promptly reduced to rubble after sustained attack. Military experts predict that air power will soon become a frightening new weapon in this coming war.

No word on civilian casualties on the ground, no bombers were lost to enemy action. Among the units participating was the vaunted 69th Bearded-Lady Bomber Squadron though their bombs fell short of the coal mine since their beards got in the way. Air Marshal Enamel remarked: "Despite the social importance of the beard, we believe the Glory of Air Force will soon adopt a shaving policy throught the ranks".

<img src=http://www.usaf.com/photosww2/b-17bombing.jpeg>

[alva]

:D

Never ceases to amaze me how much time you guys put into this. :b:

[Theseus]

Dom Farbignon wine goes a looong way!!! :D

[Togas]

The declaration of war, though highly rumoured, came as a surprise to many, especially considering the sudden return of the self-exiled Emperor Master Zen from a top secret vodka tonic rehabilitation center deep in the mountains of Little Bob

:lol: !!

--Togas

[bongo]

Originally posted by Master Zen
... Air Marshal Enamel remarked: "Despite the social importance of the beard, we believe the Glory of Air Force will soon adopt a shaving policy throught the ranks"...


This one really cracked me up :lol:

I can see a new market emerging for the somewhat marginalized Demogyptican razorblade industry :naughty:

[rendelnep]

Glory of War!!! Glory of War!!!! more glory of bore if you ask me "blah, blah, blah, We are so macho, blah, blah, blah, we liked getting so ratted we can't shoot straight blah blah, blah, our GDP is so small we measure it milligrams" HA you aren't even a real country and you are sooo stupid you allied yourselves with a bunch of chicken pluckers. Let the trash talking begin. :mad: :mad: :mad:

[vondrack]

Better not... :scared:

[Cort Haus]

Sorry Rendelnep, we have a policy on that and the policy is silence ;)

[rendelnep]

ohh ok well that was a fit of madness any way sorry

[Master Zen]

Originally posted by bongo


This one really cracked me up :lol:

I can see a new market emerging for the somewhat marginalized Demogyptican razorblade industry :naughty:

"Somewhat marginalized"? Your Arab men are almost as hairy as our women, your razorblade industry should be booming :p

[bongo]

Well, as you said, we're hairy http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0304/starwars/star-wars-smiley-038.gif

Apart from the occasional 'shave of someones eyebrows while they sleep' prank, shaving is mostly done for medical purposes. The industry* will be very pleased indeed should shaving become popular among the people of Borconia.


*Not much of an industry really, only two small companys are dedicated to razorblade production, of which 'Enkel & Sohne & Sohne des Sohnen & Urenkeln Rasierklingen und Käsehobelnwerkstätte' is the biggest with about 10-15 employees.

[Master Zen]

Originally posted by bongo
*Not much of an industry really, only two small companys are dedicated to razorblade production, of which 'Enkel & Sohne & Sohne des Sohnen & Urenkeln Rasierklingen und Käsehobelnwerkstätte' is the biggest with about 10-15 employees.

One of which is surely employed for the sole purpose of remembering how to spell it... :scared:

[bongo]

Originally posted by Master Zen


One of which is surely employed for the sole purpose of remembering how to spell it... :scared:
Eh, he got fired actually. Which explains all the grammatical errors :p

[Darekill]

Well it realy spells "Enkel & Söhne & Söhne der Söhne & Urenkel Rasierklingen und Käsehobelwerkstätten Manufaktur" but we use the much shorter and easier Abbrevation "Esöurakäwe" it is a branchfactory of the famos "Onkel & Tanten & Neffen der Vater & Töchter Ansarenspeerklingen und Schwertbaumeisterschmiedekunst Manufaktur" but we soon enough found out that it is not recommended to shave a beard with swords. So we rather grow beards.

[Master Zen]

/me is SO glad he's in the French side of Switzerland... :D

[ZargonX]

I just thought everyone should know that GoW's bombing ended up killing three kitties. That's right, three sweet, innocent kitties, peacefully playing with balls of string and some shiney objects.

I hope you're proud of yourself, murderers.

[Master Zen]

(retrospective double post)

[Master Zen]

BREAKING NEWS
Lego allows kittens to play with shiny objects!
War justified according to legal experts.


IMPERIAL CITY - In the wake of news that Lego allows its kittens to play with shiny objects, legal experts around the world have cried out in outrage against such blatant inhumane treatment of absowootely adowable widdle cuddly puddy tats. Lawyers from Imperial City and Eye of the Storm have stated that these acts definitely constitute justification for war and that GoW and GS's agression are merely pre-emption according to the International Declaration of the Rights of Kittens which explicitly outlaws playing with shiny objects.

"If they allow their kittens to play with shiny objects, what on earth do they allow their children to play with?" mentioned Bubba Shapiro, chief justice of the Glory of Law (GoW's Supreme Court). Around the country, non-profit "protect-the-kittens" organizations have sprung out of the blue urging people to join the cause by enlisting in the armed forces. "Lego never signed the Declaration of the Rights of Kittens, well, that's pretty much because we wrote it up just a few hours ago, but still, these kinds of rouge states must be taken out before shiny objects are spread around the world like germs."

[Theseus]

SAVE THE KITTENS!!! SAVE THE KITTENS!!! :D

(Seriously, MZ, I was in court all day and needed the laugh! :) :b: )

[vmxa1]

At least it was not a double edge blade.

[asleepathewheel]

Originally posted by Theseus
(Seriously, MZ, I was in court all day and needed the laugh! :) :b: )


Wuss!


On topic: :lol: :dizzy: and :eek:

[ZargonX]

SPECIAL NEWS ALERT!

GoW Training Kittens for Mine "Removal"

Spurred on by recent fabrications about Lego mistreatment of kitties in an attempt to steer attention away from themselves, the Daily Blueprint has done some deep undercover work to find out the truth behind kitty treatment in GoW, and what we have found is most distrubing.

In preparation for the war, special GoW Commandos have been training kitty brigades for front-line mine "removal." What this training consists of is slapping a cheap helmet on an unsuspecting kitty, and unleashing them onto the field of battle, told simply to "be a good kitty and run forward!" Needless to say, the survival rate for those unfortunate enough to be elisted in this brigade is less than 2%.

Our reporter was able to sneak into one of these training facilities and speak with some of the enlistees. Unsurprisingly, most had only one thing to say: "HELP!"

The Daily Blueprint is infuriated that such activities should be carried out, even in the name of war. Any nation supporting the GoW in their endevours has just as much blood and fur on their hands as the vile GoW armed forces themselves.

[Rhothaerill]

:lol: And the propaganda continues. ;)

[Theseus]

That is one mean lookin' kitty! :evilgrin:

[Arrian]

Toby (my dog) would really like to meet these kitties. And eat them. :evilgrin:

-Arrian

[Cort Haus]

Great work MZ & ZargonX :b: :lol:

[notyoueither]

Originally posted by Arrian
Toby (my dog) would really like to meet these kitties. And eat them. :evilgrin:

-Arrian

Would he like to meet me? ;)

Death to defilers of kitties!

[Master Zen]

OMFG NYE SIGHTING! :eek: :eek: :eek:

[Krill]

Great work MZ & ZargonX

[Master Zen]

The Glory of News
All the News thats unfit to print

1260 AD


-----------------------------

BREAKING WAR NEWS
Jackson Blitzed!
Air Strikes kill "100 Million Billion"!


TRAFALGAR - It was 3:45am when the sirens began wailing. Immediately the first search lights were fixed on the night sky. After few minutes the soft but deadly drone of the first of 264 bombers began being heard and soon the night sky was illuminated by flak and anti-air guns as explosions rocked the city in history's first mass bombing attack against an urban center. "It was amazing" explained a Jackson resident "I had never had such awsome sex as last night, the whole roomed rocked and rolled! She thought I was fantastic, of course I never actually told her there was a bombing attack going on at the moment..." The bombing damaged the majority of Jackson's 18 quarters, two of which were entirely obliterated. Among Jackson's destroyed landmarks were the Stock Exchange, the Legomart shopping center, the Army barracks as well as one of the oldest temples in the world in the Old Towne. Despite the brutality of the bombing, none of Jackson's World Heritage Sites were attacked, most likely because they had been targeted by the 69th Bearded-Lady Squadron which had run out of shaving cream before the raid.

This morning the Imperial Palace issued a press release claiming that "100 million billion" people were killed, all of military personnel and "crucial defense industry civilians". Gen. Ichi-As explained: "We are not mass-murderers, we only target industries which are directly related to the war effort". When our reporters pointed out that the Ben & Radeck Ice Cream Factory was hardly a "defense industry" the General replied "do you KNOW what they put on those pistachios!?!?! We're talking WMDs there pal!".

ERRATA:

As of this edition's printing, the Imperial Palace revised its previous figure of 100 million billion to only 352,000 civilian dead after he was informed that 100 million billion people could not possibly exist in the entire universe.


http://www.praktica-collector.de/images/Dresden_1945_02.jpg


------------------------------

Glory of News - Bestseller Book List
Not that GoWers can read...

#1 - Unlikely Alliance: A History of GS-GoW relations in the Post-War Era.

A fascinating account of the GS-GoW rapproachment after the Great Patriotic Bobian War. Author Panzerius32 does an excellent job of describing how events since the war led to the current state of affairs among the two traditional rivals. Revisionist in a sense that it challanges the official reasoning behind the current conflict which has so far been "just because".

#2 - 50 Stormchicken Recipies

#3 - GhengisFarb: Biography of an Evil Clown

#4 - Sir UnOrthOdOx's Quest: The Hunt for MrWhereItsAt

#5 - Count Tripula and the Vampires of Skullgaria

[DeepO]

:lol:

excellent, MZ!

DeepO

[Octavian X]

:lol: Great stuff. :D

And, a reminder to all you would-be propaganda writers: there's no need to confine your news to this forum! You are encouraged (by the mysterious cabal that runs this site, myself excluded) to use the CivGroup news system to spread the good news.

[Master Zen]

people actually read that stuff? :confused:

I was thinking perhaps a news announcement would be better...

[DeepO]

MZ, there has been a news announcement on this war. Maybe we could send an update once we meet each other half way across Legoland :D

DeepO

[Master Zen]

I still think Lego's interior is one giant doughnut...

[DeepO]

In that case we can both build a boat to meet

DeepO

[zerialienguru]

I want a piece of that doughnut ;)

[DeepO]

You're cordially invited to take a bite :D

DeepO

[zerialienguru]

I know :D
I'm hungry, but fat and lazy, can you bring it to me?

[Tiberius]

Originally posted by Master Zen
I still think Lego's interior is one giant doughnut...

Common, not in all my games the interior is a doughnut :nono: ;)

Otherwise, great stuff :b: :)

[Krill]

No, It's a giant desert...

[lmtoops]

Yes, a giant desert, not worth the trouble to invade. Leave the poor hapless blockheads alone in their misery.

[Arrian]

We of the Gathering Storm just LOVE deserts! It reminds us of home. Sweet, more desert! :cute:

-Arrian

[Hot_Enamel]

Originally posted by Tiberius


Common, not in all my games the interior is a doughnut :nono: ;)

Otherwise, great stuff :b: :)

:cute:

;)

[DeepO]

shouldn't that donut be a dessert instead? I always thought of it like that...

DeepO

[Theseus]

Yum yum yum...

ICE CREAM!!!

:D

[Octavian X]

When I see a Lego block, I'm always reminded of a can of Spam (which, coincidentally, makes an excellent desert/dessert).

[Master Zen]

Originally posted by Octavian X
When I see a Lego block, I'm always reminded of a can of Spam (which, coincidentally, makes an excellent desert/dessert).

Hey, we said NO trash talking! :mad: :D

[Krill]

Yes, a giant desert, not worth the trouble to invade. Leave the poor hapless blockheads alone in their misery


Hey, all we want is some saltpeter. All that desert, and no saltpeter, it's so unfair. We thought we'd even up the game a little;)

[vondrack]

All this is... because of saltpetre!?!?!?

Guys, why did you not ask... we'd have been happy to give you some. ;)

[DeepO]

Isn't this more fun? Nothing so good to renew interest in a dulling game, then a little war now and then. Nothing fancy, just a couple of units worth of damage... :D

DeepO

[vondrack]

Depends on your definition of fun, little, and fancy. ;)

[vondrack]

BTW... w're da'hell is da'save! :doitnow!:

[Master Zen]

maybe the midget submarine I sent it off with floundered... :p

[Tiberius]

Originally posted by DeepO
Isn't this more fun? Nothing so good to renew interest in a dulling game, then a little war now and then. Nothing fancy, just a couple of units worth of damage... :D

DeepO

Since you seem to share the same opinion about war with GoW, why don't you fight with them ? We can live without it, thank you very much!

:viking:

[Donegeal]

Been there, done that.

Trying something new.

[DeepO]

yeah, last war wasn't too much fun... all we did was run after GoW for 10 turns, and afterwards run from GoW for 10 turns. If we want to run, we can do that on Stormia as well. This time, we wanted to swim!

DeepO

[zerialienguru]

Originally posted by DeepO
This time, we wanted to swim!
DeepO

Ten turns forward, ten turns backward? :D

[Master Zen]

Originally posted by Tiberius


Since you seem to share the same opinion about war with GoW, why don't you fight with them ? We can live without it, thank you very much!

:viking:

Sorry, we have a strict "only fight you once" policy. :p

[DeepO]

Originally posted by Master Zen
Sorry, we have a strict "only fight you once" policy. :p
If we would try that too, the only ones left to fight after this war (no matter how it ends), would be RP. Now that would be a surprise move! :D

DeepO

[DeepO]

Sorry wrong thread.

DeepO

[Master Zen]

The Glory of News
All the News thats unfit to print

1265 AD - SPECIAL INVASION EDITION!!!


-----------------------------

BREAKING WAR NEWS
ALLIES LAND IN LEGOLAND!
Stormchickens and GeForce™ wade ashore with minimal casualties.


TRAFALGAR - Despite a string of misfortune in the naval battles in the west, the GS-GoW Alliance landed the most formidable military force ever seen in war, composing over 250 units spread over 3 beaches near Quanto Mechanico, Abilene and Jackson. This was landed by a massive armada which included destroyers and aircraft carriers in support while hundreds of bombers flew overhead making bombing attacks on Legoland and Castlea. "It is the beginning of the end for Lego's schemes for peaceful world domination. If they want to win, they'll have to bleed first". These were the words of GoW Emperor Master Zen before being told that, in fact, Legomen are made of plastic and do not bleed upon which he responded "Ok, burn, melt, whatever".

In the east, GoW forces landed as part of GeForce™, acronym for "GoW Expeditionary Force". Commanding this force is Field Marshall N. Vidia who gave us an exclusive interview: "Our force is composed of one-hundred twenty-eight military brigades, or 128 MB for short. They are equipped with the latest in anti-aliasing and vertex-shading camouflage and have been overclocked with training which means they are fit for battle. Our vehicles are manned by unified drivers to supply the troops efficiently".

Facing GeForce's 100+ troops was a squad of horsemen. "We kinda looked at them funny" said Cpl. Punishment who landed in the first waves with the 9th Infantry. "They just stood there while we dug in". On both sides, troops are prepared for what likely will be a massive Lego counterattack. To that, DeepO, leader of the Gathering Storm remarked "Bring it on".

<img src=http://search.eb.com/normandy/art/onormay750p1.jpg>

GoW troops mass near Jackson

------------------------------

Legopolis bombed!
Manuals long-forgotten will make rebuilding a pain in the ass

LEGOPOLIS - The Capital of Lego, known for its towering Lego blocks which seem to reach the sky, was bombed for the first time by the Glory of Air Force which pounded it relentlessly and caused significant material damage though civilian casualties were largely avoided. The stock exchange, university, granary and temple (one of the oldest in the world) were leveled, as was the renowned Pirate Lego™ factory. "This is a war crime" said Lego leader Vondrack, "Pirate Lego™ was going to be one of the hottest toys this christmas, so many children will not have anything to play with". The official response from Imperial Palace was "Nah na-na na na hah ha-ha ha ha :p "

Exclusive pictures of the situation in Legoland after the bombing were obtained by the Glory of News™

<img src=http://cache.lego.com/images/worldcity/img343x259prod7046.jpg>

A Fire Patrol craft extinguishes fires along the Legopolis River.

<img src=http://cache.lego.com/images/worldcity/img343x259prod7044.jpg>

A Helicopter flies above looking for survivors, the burning skyline can be seen behind.

The situation was worsened when news that the manuals of the destroyed buildings had long been forgotten and lost. "This is going to be rather hard" explained Lego minister ZargonX. "Last time I remember building those was after my dog came running into my room and crashed them all... that was quite some time ago."


------------------------------

First rift in Alliance over naming controversy
GoW and GS Diplomats clash


EYE OF THE STORM - The first rift in the GS-GoW Alliance was made public yesterday over the controversial issue of naming the two nations together. A special GoW diplomatic mission was sent to Eye of the Storm to discuss the issue and press forward with the name of "The Glory of Storms". This, however, met a cool reception with the Stormian government which insisted on "The Gathering War" instead. "It is clear to us that the 'Glory' aspect presents a far more formidable and imposing image of massive military force" said GoW diplomat Ambassador Aisik-Joo. "On the other hand, the 'Gathering War'? What is this, a twisted weather report?"

When interviewed, Stormian Ambassador Cort Haus explained the Stormian perspective. "We are not warmongers, there is nothing glorious about war: people and chickens die. Our proposal refers to the inminence of this unfortunate conflict without exhalting the virtues of killing". In a related issue the proposal for naming a single-Commander-in-Chief was floated around during the meeting but was quickly written off as the only options were "DeepZ" and "Master O", both of which were met by a round of laughter.


GoW T.V. Listings
1265 AD

Channel 1

10:00 - "Rise and shine lazy barbarian bum" fitness workout.
13:00 - XTreme Squid Fishing (Live from New Spain)
16:00 - Darekill's Arabian Home Cooking (Live from Neu Theben)
19:00 - Bearded Lady Beauty Secrets
23:00 - Late Nite with GhengisFarb
02:00 - Late Late Night with GhengisFarb
04:00 - Late Late Late Night with MZ (Rated XXX)

Channel 3 - Uno's Horror Channel

13:00 - Night of the Living Lux
17:00 - A Nightmare on Hill Street
19:00 - Child's Play III - Bride of Trip

Channel 5 - The Imperial Channel

12:00 - Imperial Parliament Morning Session
14:00 - Imperial Parliament Dissolution
15:00 - Public execution of Parliamentary traitors
17:00 - MZ's Imperial Coronation (Re-run)
19:00 - Bobian War Remembrance Special
21:00 - MZ's Imperial Coronation (Re-re-run)

[Jon Shafer]

Master O! :lol:

[vmxa1]

Another fine report MZ.

[Tiberius]

:lol: :lol:

Thank you Deep Master, Commander in Chief of the Allied Turkey Invadors (ATI™) :p army: you really gave me a really good laugh :b:

btw, the capital of Legoland is called Legopolis ;)

[Rhothaerill]

:lol: Heh, that was great MZ!

[Kloreep]

Originally posted by Master Zen
The situation was worsened when news that the manuals of the destroyed buildings had long been forgotten and lost. "This is going to be rather hard" explained Lego minister ZargonX. "Last time I remember building those was after my dog came running into my room and crashed them all... that was quite some time ago."

:lol: :lol: :lol: :b:

[Master Zen]

Originally posted by Tiberius
:lol: :lol:

Thank you Deep Master, Commander in Chief of the Allied Turkey Invadors (ATI™) :p army: you really gave me a really good laugh :b:


Deep Master... nah, that sounds more like a movie from my "Late Late Late Nite with MZ" show. :naughty:


btw, the capital of Legoland is called Legopolis ;)

The Glory of News™ apologizes to its faithful readers for this errata. :cool:

[Cort Haus]

:lol::lol:

Great stuff, MZ! :b:

[DeepO]

:lol:

Deep.....Z?

[conmcb25]

My favorite part below :lol:



Originally posted by Master Zen
The Glory of News
All the News thats unfit to print

1265 AD - SPECIAL INVASION EDITION!!!


-----------------------------



GoW T.V. Listings
1265 AD

Channel 1

10:00 - "Rise and shine lazy barbarian bum" fitness workout.
13:00 - XTreme Squid Fishing (Live from New Spain)
16:00 - Darekill's Arabian Home Cooking (Live from Neu Theben)
19:00 - Bearded Lady Beauty Secrets
23:00 - Late Nite with GhengisFarb
02:00 - Late Late Night with GhengisFarb
04:00 - Late Late Late Night with MZ (Rated XXX)

Channel 3 - Uno's Horror Channel

13:00 - Night of the Living Lux
17:00 - A Nightmare on Hill Street
19:00 - Child's Play III - Bride of Trip

Channel 5 - The Imperial Channel

12:00 - Imperial Parliament Morning Session
14:00 - Imperial Parliament Dissolution
15:00 - Public execution of Parliamentary traitors
17:00 - MZ's Imperial Coronation (Re-run)
19:00 - Bobian War Remembrance Special
21:00 - MZ's Imperial Coronation (Re-re-run)

[Aggie]

Hey!!!!! WHERE'S THE AGGIE CHANNEL?:mad:. Since the scent of blood has awakened me, I need a proper forum for my bloodthirsty appetite.
Aggie:

[Theseus]

:lol: :b:

[Master Zen]

Originally posted by Aggie
Hey!!!!! WHERE'S THE AGGIE CHANNEL?:mad:. Since the scent of blood has awakened me, I need a proper forum for my bloodthirsty appetite.
Aggie:

Ah, you have a cable channel, we'll put the cable channel listings next edition :p

[Beta]

MZ - brilliant stuff.:lol: :lol:

Sorry I am so late reading it, but it takes week for the daily paper to make it down to my level in the dungeon. :(

[Theseus]

It just occurred to me:

GoW's Emperor runs a XXX television show?

Now, I have to say, I am steadfastly Stormian, but... I guess I should at least visit your fair country. My kinda place. :D

[Master Zen]

BREAKING WAR NEWS
GoW poised to invade Roleplay... again
Ultimatum calls for playing of the save in the next 24 hours or else.


PORT ISOLATION - Marine and tank divisions were moved towards the east and bomber squadrons relocated in a major mobilization of troops destined towards a lightning invasion of Roleplay. In a major public declaration the Emperor of GoW accussed the King of Spain of being "an irresponsible Neverwinter Nights crack addict" and sent the Roleplay ambassador Arnelos an 5-point ultimatium which is explained here:

1 - Play the goddamn friggin save OR...
2 - Gift all your cities to GoW OR...
3 - Give GoW the secret magic word to control your government OR...
4 - Give each major GoW minister a copy of Neverwinter Nights OR...
5 - You will get PWNED (sic)

Regardless of which point is met in compliance, a public declaration of "I am lazy and I suck" was also considered necessary.

[alva]

:lol:

[Hot_Enamel]

Originally posted by Master Zen

1 - Play the goddamn friggin save OR...
2 - Gift all your cities to GoW OR...
3 - Give GoW the secret magic word to control your government OR...
4 - Give each major GoW minister a copy of Neverwinter Nights OR...
5 - You will get PWNED (sic)



#4 ... Multiplayer NWN is where I sink all of my spare time into.

:viking:

[Togas]

:lol: !!!

Sorry, sorry! I think I could use a little NWN rehab or maybe an intervention or something. :D

Upon MZ's making this thread clear to me I checked my inbox and found no PTWDG saves in it. Nothing for weeks. Which means that I never got them or I deleted some old ones.

So I checked my BULK email folder where the spam goes and ... yeah. Bingo.

So good news is that I've found the problem. Bad news is that I'm still a NWN addict, but I'll take a break this evening and send out the PTWDG save and make sure to figure out why my spam filter thinks MZ is sending me adds for free travel and credit reports.

--Togas

[DeepO]

Originally posted by Togas
and make sure to figure out why my spam filter thinks MZ is sending me adds for free travel and credit reports.
This one is easy... you're talking about the host of an XXX-rated cable show. If I was a spam filter, I would block him too :D

DeepO

[Theseus]

:lol:

[Master Zen]

The Glory of Radio Broadcasting


This is Ran Dather from the Glory of Radio giving a last minute report from the war front, live from outside Fort Stanwix is a a chinese midget with sunglasses, give us your report Aoo-Cheet

Good morning Ran... We are recieving reports that Fort Stanwix has fallen to Warmonger troops... it is too early to know the details but have heard of massive casualties on both sides and the city is all but destroyed... [static]...

Yes Aoo, can you tell us any more details about the battle itself we have heard that so far the battle has been absolutely murderous on both sides, can you tell us more?

...[static]... yes Ran indeed it has, we witnessed a massive bombardment from the air earlier today and the artillery has been pounding relentlessly all week... gunfire is everywhere, we were told that the bombardment was a preliminary for an assault on the city by Marines...

Is there still fighting going on, what can you tell us about the situation right now?

... the gunfire has stopped for the most part, the city is just too badly damaged ... it's unrecgnizable among the rubble... [static] ... Ran I have just received a copy of a report from High Command... Armored units have entered the city and Marines are regrouping

Any news about casualties Aoo any indication of how many people have been killed?

... Ran, it's too early to tell but there are bodies everywhere, stretcher-bearers and field ambulances are set up right in front of our position right now... rumor has it that possibly over a quarter million troops have died on GoW's side alone... we do not know Lego's losses but almost 100,000 were taken prisoner along with their guns....

Thank you Aoo, any more news you'd like to share live on Glory of Radio?

... We'll try to keep the public informed Ran... [static]... right now there's a huge armored column rolling right by us, they seem to be fresh troops coming from behind... this has all been so monumental, far and away the largest battle in history...

Again, thank you Aoo, and we will be back with more news from the front later.... in the meantime we take you back to our feature presentation "The Thin Red Thong" on Late Late Late Night with MZ

[DeepO]

I want to laugh... but I can't. It's too sad.

DeepO

[Theseus]

Sorry, gotta laugh at "The Thin Red Thong" at least. ;)

We don;t have an appropriate smiley:

/me bows, deeply, to Lego.

[Master Zen]

Nothing like a bit of humor to make this a bit better... I'm quite glad this war ended up without the out-game frictions of the past two conflicts.

[ZargonX]

Nothing like a bit of humor to make this a bit better... I'm quite glad this war ended up without the out-game frictions of the past two conflicts.

Then I guess you are ignoring my PMs :p

[Cort Haus]

That's why MZ keeps his MB full ;)

[Master Zen]

Originally posted by ZargonX


Then I guess you are ignoring my PMs :p

I just answered you on MZO :p

[bongo]

Is it just me or is 'Having the PBEM-blues' a quite normal condition around here?

[Master Zen]

The Glory of News
All the News thats unfit to print

1270 AD SPECIAL VICTORY EDITION


-----------------------------

SPECIAL WESTERN FRONT REPORT
Stormchickens break through Lego naval blockade!
Transport commander awarded the Iron Tequila by GoW.


QUANTO MECHANICO - In what will be forever remembered as one of the most daring, clever and lucky military operations in history, Stormian transports led a valiant suicide charge against various crippled Lego battleships, sinking them and paving the way for the rest of the fleet to land at Quanto Mechanico which had been left undefended by the Lego Army. "I never thought we'd make it" said Commander Watergrog of the Transport fleet, "Our artillery surprised the dreadnoughts and damaged them heavily, but their 15-inch guns just blew some of our ships out of the water. Fortunately enough of us managed to creep in close and sink the massive ships with the collissions. With their ships gone, the harbor was open for our landing".

In recognition of such valor, the Emperor of GoW, Master Zen has awarded Commander Watergrog and the Stormian high command the elusive Iron Tequila award. Former GoW Emperor Aggie explained what the award entailed: "The Iron Tequila award is not a decoration we give out often, in fact, it calls not just for acts of bravery above and beyond the call of duty, it calls for acts of utter stupidity which no sane person would ever conceivably do which means the bearer was surely in a profound drunken state. No sober person would ever have thought that he could take on those battleships with just troop transports."

The Glory of News managed to get ahold of Commander Watergrog after the awards was given to him in a hospital bed where he is recuperating from wounds suffered during the attack. "Wow, I am so honored, the truth is I was absolutlely WASTED on that crap, ever since we allied with GoW they've been sending case after case of wine and tequila, we were kinda depressed that Lego had been one step ahead of us along the way, so we stole some cases and got so drunk we coudn't even feel our legs! And that's when I suddenly felt our transports were these huge dreadnoughts which could just tear the enemy to pieces!" Fortunately, bombs and torpedoes stored inside the ships detonated as the transports crashed into the battleships, sinking them with many casualties.

The Iron Tequila award is awarded to members of the GoW or allied armed forces for "acts of valor and stupidity above and beyond the call of duty and sobriety". It is also awarded with various ranks, the Iron Tequila with Salt, the Iron Tequila with Salt and Lemon and the highest award: The Iron Tequila with Salt, Lemon and Worm.

<img src="http://apolyton.net/upload/view.php?file=26621_Iron_Tequila.gif">


------------------------------

SPECIAL EASTERN FRONT REPORT
Triumph and Tragedy at Fort Stanwix!
Almost half a million fall in battle.

FORT STANWIX - For a moment it looked like the Battle of Fort Stanwix would result in GoW's greatest defeat in military history with casualties in excess of the entire Bobian war. But a surprise flank attack by Stormian tanks followed by a tremendous artillery barrage culminated in a dramtic battle as GoW Marines fought the renmants of the cities defenders and almost half of Lego's armored units street by street, house by house. "It is hell on Earth" remarked Cpl. Punishment, GoW Marine of the Trafalgar Regiment. "We have been without sleep for the past 3 days, artillery shrieks pierce the sky as shells fly in every direction and more importantly there are no decent toilet paper supplies, my ass is red from having to clean up with Lego manuals".

Casualties have ravaged both sides. Pvt. Parts, GoW Marine from the Neptune Regiment gave us an account of the horror. "Only half my regiment remains from the day we landed here, we've suffered from Lego tank attacks, artillery barrages and now a desperate defense by various Infantry divisions. My best friend, Private Screening, got killed when a house was rigged with hundreds of lego blocks on the floor. He slipped and fell and died, those dirty bastards NEVER clean up after they play!"

But these were not the only horrors to have struck GoW soldiers. Cpl. Flogging witnessed the grueling fury of a Lego defense. We were assaulting an entire block of houses which was occupped by the battered remnants of the enemy 26th Tank division. My marine squad and me charged into the houses with grenades, but from behind the buildings the remaining tanks demolished the houses and everything collapsed on us. Those were not regular block though, those were DUPLO blocks, over four times as big and heavy! We thought the Monterrey Convention outlawed Duplo blocks and our helments were only made to protect us against regular blocks. This is a war crime if there ever was any".

Fort Stanwix was finally captured after what analysts are calling the largest and bloodiest battle in history with almost as many dead as the entire Bobian War. Near the ruined battleground was built Port Sacrifice in honor of all the Warmonger, Legomen and Stormchickens which fell in the maelstrom.


------------------------------

84% of Legomen disapprove of GoW Occupation

IMPERIAL CITY - A survey was conducted almost immediately after much of Legoland was occupied by the advancing Warmonger Army regarding the sentiments of the local population over foreign occupation. "Many of these people had never seen a bearded lady before" said a GoW census-taker, "the objective of this study is to determine whether continous hostility to occupation would result in violence and the creation of resistance groups". In the capital, Legopolis, 84% people responded with "We hate those mother****ing warmonger back-stabbing gang-banging smelly barbarian pieces of Rider crap". 6% responded with "Well, we really don't care *hick* they brought with them this really great wine... *hick* ... " and finally, 10% responded with "Oh great! They're here to liberate us from those evil Stormians!".

Polls in Panama, Kloreepville, Zargonia, Port Hammer and Sharpehaven showed similar results. A further survey will be done after the 10% of deluded locals are informed that it's really an occupation and not a liberation.

------------------------------

Search for MrWIA continues as Riders head to the front again!

TRAFALGAR - One by one they left the barracks at Yellowknife, Killdaria and other cities. For some people watching the spectacle on the streets it was the first time they had ever seen them before: their shiny and sharp sabres, their beautifully groomed white horses and the menacing black armor which covered them. "It was just like the books we read at school!" said some GoW schoolchildern who watched with awe. These were the last remaining Rider Regiments still in active service, considered the elite of the Cavalry Corps though little use in modern combat was thought possible for them. "Their speed and ability to traverse terrain quicker than even tanks make them indespensable in the Lego campaign" said Colonel Mustard. "400 years ago they liberated our homeland from foreigners, today their services are needed once more for the Empire"

Among those who were sent to Legoland was the mythical Sir UnOrthOdOx Regiment, famous for its role in one of GoW's most beloved literary masterpieces "The Trappings of War". When one rider was asked what their mission on Legoland was he responded just like he would have centuries ago "To find MrWIA and kick his butt!"



Article re-posted

[Arrian]

The Iron Tequila award is not a decoration we give out often, in fact, it calls not just for acts of bravery above and beyond the call of duty, it calls for acts of utter stupidity which no sane person would ever conceivably do which means the bearer was surely in a profound drunken state.

:lol:

Although it was actually Theseus who first suggested a suicide transport charge...

-Arrian

[Master Zen]

I have no idea who it was, I just thought Commander Krill sounded funny because of the old PC game :P

/me changes the article

[Arrian]

No need, MZ. Besides, there was more to it than Theseus' original thought (which was actually mentioned a turn or two ago).

DeepO & Aeson deserve most of the credit for the victory, really.

T's an ideas man, like me. I tend to say things like "break stuff!" or "let's grab ToE!" Guys like DeepO make it actually happen.

-Arrian

[DeepO]

Arrian, while Theseus did suggest the transport attack of last turn (which ultimately led to the transport charge this turn), he was not the first... vulture deserves that credit. Theseus 'only' recycled the idea, which Aeson picked up this turn.

However let's not make this a personal glory thing. The whole team has worked for several months on this. And while maybe only one alliance side of the war actually won, the other side deserves just as much credit. Even if the outcome is so anti-climatic for Lego, they should feel pride for their accomplishments, just as we are entitled to that.

DeepO

[DeepO]

In short, MZ, I would prefer if you change that commander name to Grog, or WaterGrogged. We were too late in naming our transport (it had already moved), but for us this was as important a unit as that other famous Grog of all those centuries ago. Maybe one of these days we will find Grog a tank, for the moment he has to be content with a transport ship.

DeepO

[Master Zen]

Commander Watergrog it is... ;)

[DeepO]

Thanks :b:

DeepO

[ZargonX]

Hey, guys, we get it: you won. You don't really have to keep rubbing it in every day. There is a line between fun and poor sportsmanship. We have not bedgruded you your victory, we'd ask that you do the same for us.

[Master Zen]

Originally posted by ZargonX
Hey, guys, we get it: you won. You don't really have to keep rubbing it in every day. There is a line between fun and poor sportsmanship. We have not bedgruded you your victory, we'd ask that you do the same for us.


:confused:

It was a news story just like all the other ones I've written, it was not done with the intention of making fun out of anyone. :(

I have removed it in case it ends up offending anyone else :/

[ZargonX]

It was a news story just like all the other ones I've written, it was not done with the intention of making fun out of anyone.

MZ, I know you did not do it to hurt anyone's feelings, but please be sensitive of our point of view. This was two years of dedication to something that went up in smoke in the space of one turn. We don't need to keep seeing stories of our cities falling and our armies dying, nor do we need to keep hearing about how brilliant our opponents strategies were. One of you may find yourselves in a similar position sometime in the future, and I wager you would feel much the same.

I know no one means to be mean-spirited, but please keep my words in mind.

[Arrian]

Perhaps in time it can be discussed further, but it's probably not a good idea for us to really say much more for now. I certainly understand Lego's situation (although I think members of Lux, RP & Vox may have an even better understanding), and have no desire to be a jerk about it.

-Arrian

[DeepO]

That was exactly why I thought that perhaps you guys would welcome a bit of strategy discussion. We do not think that Lego was any less in strategy, on the contrary. We have logged many fine examples, where we were taken by your manoeuvres. I think you can find comfort in that. The problem is of course that the second in any war, also loses... and somehow the brilliancy of the second one seems to be forgotten over time.
However, the wounds are too fresh. I can certainly understand that.

But be kind to MZ, he is in the middle of the turn, and at this moment the rush of victory is still upon him. The real consequence of this only settles a couple of days later. GS discussed for 2 days how to break the news to you, and to the public... by that time that victory rush was largely, if not completely gone. We are stunned as well, you know, even if from time to time people drop in, see the carnage, and experience that same first rush again which they didn't feel the first time around (as they weren't present when the turn was played).

It is now 4 days after breaking through your blockade. There is no rush anymore, only the sadness remains. And in 4 days time, MZ will feel exactly the same.

DeepO

[Master Zen]

Oh I feel bad about it. Terrible I'd say. Our relationship with Lego had for the most part been quite good if not excellent throught the game.

Unfortunately we are all here to win, and sometimes we must do things which we don't like to. I'm glad this is only a game, I'm not sure if we'd all have the guts to do this kind of thing in real life (then again you don't actually "win" in RL either)

Regarding the news stories I thought a little humor might come in handy and I feel none of the stories were degrading or offensive. I guess I was wrong so I apologize. :(

[UnOrthOdOx]

/me pokes his head in...

hmm...

Perhaps I should slow down a tad. Today is not the day for it... :read:


FWIW, there's been plenty of discussion behind the scenes on how perfectly Lego has played it.

GS discussed for 2 days how to break the news to you, and to the public

Same old slooowwww GS. I demand more chicken blood! :doitnow!: ;)

[DeepO]

;)
democracies are always slooowwww :D

another 200 posts spent... we may be slow on the outside, the inside can becoma a bit hectic.

DeepO

[Master Zen]

"Another" 200 posts? Jeez, our turnthread has only 47 replies :p

[Hot_Enamel]

Originally posted by Master Zen
"Another" 200 posts? Jeez, our turnthread has only 47 replies :p

Half of them are smilies

:p

[DeepO]

47? Wow...

okay, we are bad in this, we tend to discuss everything. Yes, we spent some 200 posts on how to post the public news (that is not entirely correct, as that thread still continues, and grows with every response we get in this forum). We spent close to a 900 posts on the turn threads. Plus some loose threads and logs here and there, and you can count on ~1300 posts since we received the turn.

Those are not 1-line posts either, btw. Many posts are pages long.

So, forgive us, if we appear slow from time to time. Just like Lego, we want to analyse a situation profoundly. It does make us paranoid, and we keep over-thinking stuff ;) (you wouldn't believe how many times GoW has already invaded Stormia the past few turns. But know this, we are prepared! :lol: )

DeepO

[Master Zen]

Originally posted by DeepO
(you wouldn't believe how many times GoW has already invaded Stormia the past few turns. But know this, we are prepared! :lol: )

DeepO

I'm sure it's not even remotely as many as the times GoW and ND have invaded each other too :p

[DeepO]

I can imagine... but then the question becomes how many posts you spent on chasing those ghosts :p

DeepO

[conmcb25]

Not only is that war criminal Master Zen a bunny killer, he is an insensitive boob as well :p

PETA will have your pee pee wacked yet ;)

[Theseus]

Originally posted by Master Zen
I'm sure it's not even remotely as many as the times GoW and ND have invaded each other too :p

:lol:

/me puts on his tinfoil helmet... THEY'RE ALL OUT TO GET ME!!!! :D

[Tiberius]

Originally posted by Master Zen
Regarding the news stories I thought a little humor might come in handy and I feel none of the stories were degrading or offensive. I guess I was wrong so I apologize. :(

Don't worry MZ, IMHO it was nothing wrong with your news story. It is just that, for some reason, we could not enjoy it this time.

So, other than for bad timing, you don't have to apologize. I for one would like to thank you for the humour displayed in the GoW news reports. It certainly made the war enjoyable for the audience :b:

[vondrack]

Yeah, MZ, just bad timing... though I realize that posting these news in two weeks won't be optimal either...

It's that we know your stories are great and can't resist reading them... only to feel even more sad and... well... "empty", about how it all ended for us.

But if I may ask so... if and when you repost them, be so kind and adjust the part about the attack at Q.M. 4. The way you put it, it sounded like the brilliance was in the charge of transports. If you can do me a favour, rewrite it so that the brilliance will be in landing big guns and using them to damage the BBs so that the transports could finish them off.

'cause that's how it was.

For some reason, reading about the brilliant charge of transports irritated me quite some. We did foresee that and were ready... it was the guns that broke our neck.

[UnOrthOdOx]

Originally posted by DeepO
It does make us paranoid,
DeepO

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

We'll let the eye tell who is most paranoid around this game. We're confident of claiming that prize.


/me pulls out his calendar...

'wait 2 weeks' seems to be the theme...

You get 9 days. Then I'm posting. :cute:

[DeepO]

Originally posted by vondrack
For some reason, reading about the brilliant charge of transports irritated me quite some. We did foresee that and were ready... it was the guns that broke our neck.
I think there is a difference here you guys may be overlooking. MZ did not talk about the brilliance of the move. He talked about the drunken suicidal attempt of the transports, stumbling its way through the BBs.

Less than a week ago, you were talking about losing the game to the RNG, I'm not sure you understand how close it actually was. I mean, seeing it from GoW's side.

We broke through with the 9th transport. If it would have been with the 10th, we could still have reached Fort Stanwix from behind... but only with 8 tanks. That would not have been enough to weaken your defenses so that GoW could push through. If it would have been the 11th transport, we couldn't have reached it even (well, not exactly right. Because of a small mistake on our side, we could have used 1 tank, possibly even 2 to attack. But the margins on Stanwix were large enough)

So while for us, with our goal to take out the FP, just breaking through was all we needed, GoW needed a good deal of luck so that we could help them. It all came down to 1 hp on a transport, as the last one ended at 1/4... 1 hp less, and you would still have half your empire, and one less invader to worry about. (okay, a doughnut empire would also be a huge loss, but still make a difference compared to now. ).

As a news story, the drunken luck of one commander is nicer to write about, than any smart moves some general made. This was no gloating, or at least not intended like that. Shifting the focus of the story is in reality not nicer to Legoland, on the contrary.

DeepO

[Beta]

Originally posted by DeepO
47? Wow...

okay, we are bad in this, we tend to discuss everything. Yes, we spent some 200 posts on how to post the public news (that is not entirely correct, as that thread still continues, and grows with every response we get in this forum). We spent close to a 900 posts on the turn threads. Plus some loose threads and logs here and there, and you can count on ~1300 posts since we received the turn.

Those are not 1-line posts either, btw. Many posts are pages long.



Ah - the joy of Vox Controli and THE ONE VOICE. He speaks for all - and then you have a lot less stuff to read. :D

( I suspect Vox may be the only civ whose number and length of public posts surpasses those in its private forum. :lol: )

(not quite ;) )

[Master Zen]

Originally posted by DeepO

As a news story, the drunken luck of one commander is nicer to write about, than any smart moves some general made. This was no gloating, or at least not intended like that. Shifting the focus of the story is in reality not nicer to Legoland, on the contrary.

DeepO

Yeah, that was what I wanted to emphazise in the story.

[Master Zen]

Originally posted by Beta
Ah - the joy of Vox Controli and THE ONE VOICE. He speaks for all - and then you have a lot less stuff to read. :D

( I suspect Vox may be the only civ whose number and length of public posts surpasses those in its private forum. :lol: )

(not quite ;) )


So who is THE ONE VOICE™, you or Rhoth?



So I know who to pester with PMs :cute:

[Beta]

Originally posted by Master Zen



So who is THE ONE VOICE™, you or Rhoth?



So I know who to pester with PMs :cute:

THE ONE VOICE knows who THE ONE VOICE is. A name is not required.

(umm.... but if you do need one, that would be Rhoth. I'm still in jail, deep in the dungeons under The New Voice. My posts only make it out through clandestine methods.)

[conmcb25]

And Rhoth doesn't know it but I have been secretly working with the Vox underground in an attempt to break my brother out of jail.

So dont anybody tell Rhoth, OK?

[Cort Haus]

Originally posted by Beta
Ah - the joy of Vox Controli and THE ONE VOICE. He speaks for all - and then you have a lot less stuff to read. :D


I dunno. There's nothing better than tucking in to lengthy, analytical and inspiring posts from your team-mates. :)

Anyway, you're a good writer, Beta, I'm sure your team enjoys your contributions. Eh, Rhothy?

[UnOrthOdOx]

Originally posted by Cort Haus


I dunno. There's nothing better than tucking in to lengthy, analytical and inspiring posts from your team-mates. :)



Those amount to "let's go kill (fill in team name here)" in GoW, though.

[Beta]

Originally posted by UnOrthOdOx



Those amount to "let's go kill (fill in team name here)" in GoW, though.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

I'm not sure why Vox and GoW weren't closer in this game.

[Rhothaerill]

Originally posted by conmcb25
And Rhoth doesn't know it but I have been secretly working with the Vox underground in an attempt to break my brother out of jail.

So dont anybody tell Rhoth, OK?

:lol:


Originally posted by Cort Haus
I dunno. There's nothing better than tucking in to lengthy, analytical and inspiring posts from your team-mates.

Anyway, you're a good writer, Beta, I'm sure your team enjoys your contributions. Eh, Rhothy?

Yup. Vox just wouldn't be Vox (and I wouldn't have even been a member of Vox) without Beta.

[Beta]

Originally posted by Rhothaerill
Yup. Vox just wouldn't be Vox (and I wouldn't have even been a member of Vox) without Beta.

:) ....blush...

[conmcb25]

Originally posted by Beta


:) ....blush...

So now he is starting to feel guilty about tossing you in the pokey.

Go figure ;)

[Master Zen]

The Glory of News
All the News thats unfit to print

SPECIAL NOTICE FROM THE STAFF


To our faithful readers overseas,

The war situation has made publication and distribution of The Glory of News™ outside Warmonger borders to be extremely haxardous and as of this turn, all foreign shipments have ceased. Lego submarines still prowl the oceans and have threatened our ships which carry all the news that's unfit to print™ to all 6 nations and empires.

Because of this, the Glory of News will, for the duration of the conflict, be a subscriber-based service sent by air courier. Subscription is free and only a post mentioning that you would like to receive The Glory of News to your electronic mail is needed (if your nation has not yet discovered Electronics you are screwed).

On behalf of The Glory of News™, we hope that our quality, truthful and unbiased news reporting will continue to find eager readers around the globe.

- The Staff


Subscriber List

- Theseus
- Modo44
- Krill
- Cort Haus

[Krill]

MZ, I dare you to update your sig... :cute:

[Modo44]

It would be very nice, if you could ship through some wormholes, into a parallel universe. Like, to me. :D

[EDIT: Sent the PM. :) ]

[Master Zen]

Originally posted by Krill
MZ, I dare you to update your sig... :cute:

:p

[Master Zen]

err... there's a 4000 character limit on PMs so I'll have to e-mail it instead.

So, post or PM me your e-mails :p

[Beta]

I have a philosophical problem with this. Please see this poll.

What should the editors of Glory of News Do???? (http://apolyton.net/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=127017)

Thank you.

[Master Zen]

The Glory of News
All the News thats unfit to print

1290 AD


-----------------------------

BREAKING NEWS
GoW Names Viceroy for Lego Occupation
"Resistance is Futile" says Viceroy Queen Borg


THE HIVE - Yesterday, The Glory of War named Queen Borg of Skulgaria the new Viceroy of Imperial Territories, Cities and Holdings (VITCH) a new cabinet post which will take charge of the occupation, integration and assimilation of former Legoland territory. In the wake of a number of minor terrorist attacks and acts of resistance by what is believed to be a small but growing revolutionary movement, the new VITCH will organize the Empire's efforts in cracking down the "puny rebels". At her side as mayor of the colonial capital The Hive is Imperial Comptroller Sheng-Ji Yang. The Glory of News was able to obtain a short interview with the Queen as she was supervising the integration of nanoprobe vaccines into Lego subjects.


"How does it feel to be the new VITCH in town?"
"Resistance is futile"
"Do you think the resistance stands a chance against a VITCH like you?"
"They will be assimilated"
"I see you're a VITCH with attitude, what will be of the Legoland citizenry?"
"Their culture will adapt to service us"
"What do you have to say about the accusations of being a brutal VITCH?"
"If they attempt to intervene, we will destroy them."


Through the streets of the new occupied cities the citizenry walk in fear of the military government which has been installed. No foreigners or news agencies are permitted and all information gathered for this report has been obtained by special government permission. Many people have taken the risk of fleeing to the Stormian side of the continent before more GoW colonies are established. Rumors speak of Orwellian state control conducted via giant screens projecting the sacred visage of the Emperor, GoW stormtroopers patrolling the streets, on-the-spot arrests and disappearances. In short, not much different than what happens back home.


<img src=http://www.starfleet.it/immagini/images/borg-queen.jpg>

Official portrait of Queen Borg of Skulgaria


------------------------------

Naval Battle off Jackson
"You Sunk My Battleship" exclaims ZargonX

PORT SACRIFICE - The only major naval engagement of the war in the East came to a conclusion after the loss of 2 Lego battleships and 2 destroyers which performed a suicide sortie which left 4 GoW warships sunk in their wake. It all began at night on 1280AD when Lego's fleet sneaked out of Jackson under the guns of GoW artillery which had pummelled the city the day before. Knowing the odds of surviving against the massive carrier fleets which prowled the ocean were close to nil, the ships attempted to cause as much damage as possible before being sent to the bottom. They succeeded.

GoN has obtained recently declassified logs of the naval battle on both sides.

ZargonX: "B-6"
UnOrthOdOx: "Miss"
UnOrthOdOx: "D-9"
ZargonX: "Hit"
ZargonX: "E-2"
UnOrthOdOx: "Hit"
UnOrthOdOx: "D-8"
ZargonX: "Hit"
ZargonX: "You sunk my battleship!"

Four GoW destroyers were sunk, one of which had been damaged from a previous engagement. All lego ships were sunk from carrier bombings and destroyer torpedo strikes. A further Lego destroyer was sunk the following turn. No carriers were damaged since they were carefully hidden in the "F" column instead of the "E" column as Lego had thought.


------------------------------

GoW and GS Historians Square Off!
Issue over the bloodiest battle in history rages


HURRICANE - From the outside, the ancient library of Hurricane appears calm and serene, the perfect place for academia to flourish in the empire which considers itself the most culturally advanced in the world. But inside rages a debate which has taken the academic world by storm as historians on both sides of the pond argue over which was the bloodiest battle in history: the Battle of Stanwix or the Battle of Abilene.

It all began with a comment by President DeepO stating that the Battle of Abilene, fought entirely by Stormian and Legoland forces, should now be considered the bloodiest in history. Previously it was held that Stanwix, fought mainly between Warmonger and Legoland forces, had produced the highest losses. With the war still fresh in everyone's mind, a complete tally of losses has only recently been estimated and the results are the crux of the dilema. We consulted an independet historian, the aptly named Don History Guy of Roleplay, to explain to our readers the full account of the casualties in these two monumental battles.

"There were a total of 83 formations which were wiped out at Abeline, the bulk of these being Stormian marines, moreso they were all killed within the space of one assault. The Battle of Stanwix, however, was slightly more complex since it involved three distinct operations, namely the initial Legoland assault, the Stormian flank attack and finally, the decicive Warmonger counterattack which led to the capturing of the fort. All in all a total of 110 formations were destroyed in these three operations. Nevertheless, the largest single tally in one operation was 50 formations destroyed in the initial Lego attack. In conclusion there is validity in both claims. The Battle of Abilene was undoubtedly the bloodiest single operation in history, but when taken as a whole, the assault on Fort Stanwix stands as the deadliest battle ever"

But alas, independent historians were not invited for the Special Historian's Congress being held at the Library of Hurricane, aptly named this year "I Count Dead People". And in what is perhaps a taste of the next couple days of sessions, a pie fight erupted this afternoon between some rather nerdy folks during the working lunch.



The Glory of Casinos and Prostitution presents
Betting odds January 1290 AD

Where is the Lego Army hiding?

1) Right behind you - 2/1
2) The Ice Planet of Hoth - 4/1
3) Shangri-La - 5/1
4) Preparing to invade GoW - 6/1
5) Preparing to invade Lux - 7/1


Who will win the Super Bowl?

1) Luxian 49ers - 3/1
2) Dreadnaughtica Raiders - 4/1
3) Voxian Redskins - 6/1
4) Monsoon Bucanneers - 13/2
5) Santa Barbara Dolphins - 7/1


What did Emperor MZ have for breakfast today?

1) Babies - 1/1
2) Vodka - 1/1
3) Guacamole - 1/1
4) Mutual-Protection Pacts - 1/1
5) Humble Pie - 100000000/1


Trivia of the Day - Did you know that the Luxian 49ers are named after their final score in the PTWDG?


EDIT: Gramatical Errata

[ZargonX]

Am I allowed to bet in the "Where is the Lego Army Hiding" pool, or is that unethical?

[Master Zen]

Originally posted by ZargonX
Am I allowed to bet in the "Where is the Lego Army Hiding" pool, or is that unethical?

You can bet, just PM me with your answer... :cute:

[Tiberius]

Originally posted by Master Zen
Trivia of the Day - Did you know that the Luxian 49ers are named after their final score in the PTWDG?

:lol: priceless! :lol: (no offense Trip ;) )

[DeepO]

:D

MZ, one small correction: it wasn't Aeson who mentioned the bloodiest battle, at that time I was still at the helm. Oh, and it was the battle for Abilene, not Abeline ;)

That said, I present the argument that not only was it the bloodiest single battle, it was also the battle where most units died on one spot: we lost 49 units, the largest amount ever. You 'only' lost 39 units in the initial attack that led to the construction of Fort Stanwix :p

How come Lego lost this war, when they don't even get close in claiming to have suffered the bloodiest blow? :hmmm: :cute:

DeepO

[vondrack]

Seems I am ok again. :lol:

Able to laugh at MZ's news instead of feeling miserable...

Originally posted by DeepO
Oh, and it was the battle for Abilene, not Abeline ;)
Thank you, DeepO - I was feeling uneasy about how MZ's mutilated the name of that sacred place...

Originally posted by DeepO
How come Lego lost this war, when they don't even get close in claiming to have suffered the bloodiest blow? :hmmm: :cute:
Flawed game mechanics? Fatal oversight that caused the end to come faster than we managed to file any claims? Or both? ;)

[alva]

ZargonX: "B-6"
UnOrthOdOx: "Miss"
UnOrthOdOx: "D-9"
ZargonX: "Hit"
ZargonX: "E-2"
UnOrthOdOx: "Hit"
UnOrthOdOx: "D-8"
ZargonX: "Hit"
ZargonX: "You sunk my battleship!"

:lol::b:

[Master Zen]

Abilene corrected as well as the incorrect Aeson reference. The Glory of News sends its apologies to Aeson, DeepO and the heroic city of Abilene all of which from now on will receive free lifetime subscriptions as well as a free recipe book for vodka-marinated babies with guacamole wrapped in MPPs ;)

[Theseus]

MMM... vodka-marinated babies with guacamole wrapped in MPPs (on spikes). :D

Friggin' hilarious, MZ :lol:

[Master Zen]

Just to reveal the raw data of both battles here are the complete casualty lists:

Battle of Albilene

GS = 42 (M) + 6 (T) + 1 (MI) = 49
Lego = 30 (I) + 3 (T) + 1 (Army) = 34
Total = 83

Battle of Stanwix

Lego attack on the beachhead

GoW = 11 (T) + 23 (I) + 5 (M) = 39
Lego = 11 (T)
Total = 50

GS flank attack

GS = 6 (T)
Lego = 6 (I)
Total = 12

GoW assault on the city

GoW = 12 (I) + 6 (M) + 1 (T) = 19
Lego = 14 (I) + 12 (T) + 3 (C) = 29
Total = 48

Grand Total = 110 (GoW = 58 Lego = 46 GS = 6)


Just these two battles alone probably saw more casualties than the Bobian and Voxian wars put togeter :scared:

(shame there weren't any battle reports or we could have a real historical archive of the great battles)

[DeepO]

Originally posted by Master Zen
Abilene corrected ...snip... The Glory of News sends its apologies to ...snip... the heroic city of Abilene

Originally posted by Master Zen
Battle of Albilene

:lol:

DeepO

[Master Zen]

*grumble* goddammmit!!! :rant: *grumble*

[DeepO]

Originally posted by vondrack
Flawed game mechanics? Fatal oversight that caused the end to come faster than we managed to file any claims? Or both? ;)
Certainly, I agree on the mechanics. RRs should not be able to transport troops (tanks and settlers) indefinately. But as mentioned before, it's a double-edged sword, as you shouldn't be able to move infantry at will either, hence the whole strategy we both used was a result of game mechanics, and not realistic or even 'right'.

I won't agree on the settler blitz being the flawed game mechanic that in the end did it for you. I can imagine you didn't like it, but still the point remained that it was perfectly possible for us to receive Mil Trad and SP from GoW, build 8 cavs, and chain them over to Legoland. Which meant we could have done the exact same damage without using one settler.

Well... in principle that is. I'm not sure you know this, as you didn't indicated it in the first posts on this subject, but there is a reason why only 8 artillery attacked your BBs. These were never hidden in our transports off your coast. They were freshly chained. We kept a working chain throughout the war, and were always very surprised to start the game with a working chain again. If there was an oversight on Lego's side, it was this: you kept our chain untouched, while you perfectly well knew we were going to use it, and even voted in favour of chains when the rule was under discussion. I would be very interested to know if you knew of our chain, as we did leave enough hints (e.g. the 8 stranded marines, which we had to land to make room for MIs)

As for the rest, personally I feel the reason why the blow was so fatal was that you maybe were a bit too confident. You played superbly, and the Stanwix manoeuvre will remain for me the strategic highlight of this game. However, watching it from our side you were gambling a lot on covering all possibilities... One of the reasons why we lost the Bobian war was that we missed one possibility we should have seen (not having blocked one single tile), as a result we are now more cautious, even when taking risks.

If we were in Lego's situation at the beginning of the war, I'm sure we would have drafted at least 2 infs for each city, and left them fortified. Then, use the already built vets to try to block everything. You simply can't foresee everything, so at the expense of a bit unhappiness, each city would have got a small, token defense force. We would never have reached Stanwix with our small detachment of tanks if there would have been 2 conscripts in each city we encountered. We could have damaged you badly, taking out 4 or 5 cities, but we couldn't have killed you.

DeepO

[DeepO]

:D MZ, it was mentioned in your next post, before you start looking for it... it was not the result of a replace ;)

DeepO

[DeepO]

Hum... you cross-edited :D

DeepO

[Master Zen]

See first I read your post, then I saw the bolded "Albilene" and did not see that was MY quote then search-and-replaced it in the original article THEN realized it was in fact a typo so went back and re-search-and-replaced it as before and edited my last post... bah, forget the mechanics, sPellleeNg iz jouSt nOt fur meE :dizzy:

[DeepO]

Don't worry, I write a lot more typos. But this one was funny :cute:

DeepO

[vondrack]

Originally posted by DeepO
If we were in Lego's situation at the beginning of the war, I'm sure we would have drafted at least 2 infs for each city, and left them fortified. Then, use the already built vets to try to block everything. You simply can't foresee everything, so at the expense of a bit unhappiness, each city would have got a small, token defense force. We would never have reached Stanwix with our small detachment of tanks if there would have been 2 conscripts in each city we encountered. We could have damaged you badly, taking out 4 or 5 cities, but we couldn't have killed you.
Well, DeepO... see all those could's and would's?

With no risk, we were going to die... it would take a little bit longer, but we would die eventually anyway. We were facing two technologically superior opponents that were able to throw everything they had at us at two different fronts, outproducing us by at least 50%...

Losing a city one turn, two cities next turn, then again... what would be the point? Would it be any better than being swept away by one gigantic blow? We were told very plainly - the world had decided we had to go. We simply had to risk. It was all or nothing. Either we would make no mistake, be lucky, keep everything, suffer little damage economy- and military-wise, trap/destroy your invading armies, and hope the world would change its mind... or we'd go down.

We went down.

Try looking at it from this angle.

As for the chain... perhaps if you had less luck stumbling into our submarines, we might have had something left to sink a link or two... as it was, we had just enough to cover our intel needs. Risking an intel submarine for no apparent gain...

[DeepO]

Originally posted by vondrack
Well, DeepO... see all those could's and would's?
Most definately. The reason I mention this, is that we anticipated another reaction from you, more based on what we would have done if Stormia was invaded. You made certain expectations of what we were up to, just as we tried to foresee what you were going to do... and one of those things that surprised us was that you didn't draft. Mind you, it was close, but you knew both our and GoW's invasion strength, so you also knew that in case we broke through somewhere you would have been in trouble.

If we somehow could have taken 1 city (e.g. 2 or 3 turns down the road, in case the transport attack had failed), would drafting then be considered an option?

With no risk, we were going to die... it would take a little bit longer, but we would die eventually anyway. We were facing two technologically superior opponents that were able to throw everything they had at us at two different fronts, outproducing us by at least 50%...
I'm far from certain on this. You controlled the sea between us, and if your ships would have healed our transport lanes would have been gone. Production didn't really matter on our side, as there was no way to get troops to Legoland (no airports). You were very close to achieving total sea superiority. So, the only production you were facing was GoW's (unless GWT decided to join in the 'fun', of course). GS had produced all it could throw at you.

Losing a city one turn, two cities next turn, then again... what would be the point? Would it be any better than being swept away by one gigantic blow?
Yes, most definately. GoW was different perhaps, in that the Stanwix block could always have been necessary, but if you let us take 1 city, protecting your hinterland, meanwhile focussing on our supply lines, you could have worn us out.
We were told very plainly - the world had decided we had to go. We simply had to risk. It was all or nothing. Either we would make no mistake, be lucky, keep everything, suffer little damage economy- and military-wise, trap/destroy your invading armies, and hope the world would change its mind... or we'd go down.
Hum. Vondrack, you see the world a bit too dark, I'm afraid. GS never set out to remove you from the game, and I doubt GoW did. You were on a certain path to victory, and needed some clipping. Our initial ideal goal had been to take out the FP in the first turn, exposing every single unit. Write every invader off as a loss, but the damage done would set you back at least 20 turns... which was worth the cost. Our goal never has been to claim any land on Legoland.

As to GoW: when you attacked their beach head, they thought their invasion was over (it was very close too), and were prepared to start a massive bombardment of your coastal cities, just damaging you, not taking any cities. Both our teams never intended to conquer you, as we deemed it impossible. The irony of all this is that in trying to protect everything, you also exposed everything. If you would have 'given' us a city, you most likely would have stopped our expansion, and without reinforcements that meant the invasion was bound to bleed to death.

This is of course all discussion in hindsight, and I can understand your position. Drafting 2 infs per city would cost you 10% on the slider for 20 turns (perhaps not needed if you started early enough as some cities should have had plenty of happiness), 2 pop per city (so also lost production and income), and an extra 50 gpt in upkeep. Plus, in case you did foresee all possibilities it would have been unnecessary too. But it would also give you certainty, and a static defense (every inf you move doesn't get the fortify bonus, even if it has full movement left). You could still have used the rest of your troops like you did now, blocking (nearly) all our options. And the cost for this would still keep you far superior to GS... we threw everything into the war, something we could not hold for long.

As for the chain... perhaps if you had less luck stumbling into our submarines, we might have had something left to sink a link or two... as it was, we had just enough to cover our intel needs. Risking an intel submarine for no apparent gain...
Luck? Sub hunting you mean! ;)

As a lesson, I think this is one to learn. You seem to underestimate how important that chain really was. 1 transport chained, gave us a choice: settlers (we transported 5 or 6 IIRC), marines, MI, tanks, artillery. Basically, because of this choice, every transport chained, is worth 4 or 5 transports in the initial stack. We managed to chain 3 transports which you could have sunk in the ideal case, basically meaning some 12 extra transports. Without that chain, we would only have had 2 settlers on Legoland, one of which was required to build New Inchon. Without that chain, we wouldn't have the MIs needed to keep our invasion stack safe, exposing it far worse than the GoW invasion stack. We also wouldn't have had the artillery to bomb your BBs. And we couldn't have threatened you with 65 marines, instead limiting to 48 marines (which means a couple less defenders for you as well).

So a few intel subs was worth it, without any doubt. As said before, I do not think you made a mistake in blocking Quanto with too few ships, however I do think you made a mistake in not focussing on our chain. It was the most dangerous aspect of our invasion, and we never were in a good position to protect it decently. Most of our cash rushing went into our chain, and in hindsight not enough was invested to keep it safe. We should have started with another 6 DDs, 2 per hub. In a few cases, we had to risk our transports to move without scouting for subs with a DD beforehand... I can tell you, those are very tense moments as a player.

DeepO

[Master Zen]

Originally posted by DeepO
As to GoW: when you attacked their beach head, they thought their invasion was over (it was very close too), and were prepared to start a massive bombardment of your coastal cities, just damaging you, not taking any cities. Both our teams never intended to conquer you, as we deemed it impossible. The irony of all this is that in trying to protect everything, you also exposed everything. If you would have 'given' us a city, you most likely would have stopped our expansion, and without reinforcements that meant the invasion was bound to bleed to death.


Our part of the invasion from the start had the troublesome possiblity of being merely a bulwark towards the main attack: against the FP. The reason was simple, we were threatening the very heart of Lego's territory, specifically the two super-cities of Jackson and Legopolis it was obvious that whatever major Lego effort was done, it would be against our stack rather than GS's.

I was well aware of this from the start, hence GoW's larger preponderance of defensive units: we had over 40 infantry in the invasion stack, GS had only over 20 wheras GS was more prepared for a maneouvre operation: they had 70 tanks against our estimated 60 on D-Day+1 (in the event these were less due to the counterattack's losses) but also had well over double our settlers. Our mission was to take Jackson and Legopolis, hell, just taking Jackson would have been deemed a "success" considering what we were up against. But it was all for naught when we found out just how defended Jackson was on D-Day and when we were forced to land on a flat tile.

No-one on our team expected "a Stanwix", in retrospect it seems like such a simple, obvious move that I can't help but just snicker at how no-one on our team or on GS forsaw it (and we discussed a lot of possibilities). In the end we thought that Lego was going to slam head-on against our stack with EVERYTHING (including perhaps many infantry) expecting to wipe it out completely but that it would lead to GS getting a free hand at taking the FP with less opposition. Later I came to think that Lego was merely going to pillage the surroundings and leave us in a slogging match where we would slowly but surely be wound down. Despite our productive advantage, there are only so many casualties that one can take without withering away into defeat.

In the event the Stanwix maneouvre prevented us from founding our city and basically threated the entire operation. Retreat was a serious option being considered, fortunately the 6 infantry lost at Stanwix after GS attacked it was deemed sufficient help so that the possiblity of taking the city was there - if the attack order was perfect. This meant withering out Lego's defensive artillery with suicide attacks from otherwise worthless units (the 2 HP Infantry) avoiding promotions and finally using the surviving Marines at full effect. How close was it? GS ran successful tests using a sim in C3C, of course C3C heavily favors bombardment of units in a city, in PTW the odds would not be quite so favorable. But still it had to be a go, why? Because the only alternative was to sit back and bomb Lego one city after another with Carriers. Might as well expend the stack and cross our fingers. Just so you know when our last tank took the fort there were only 2 more 1-HP tanks available for attack as well as another movement for the tank that won and IIRC a damaged Marine and a damaged Infantry.

In our private forum before the invasion I mentioned once that I felt that our participation in the invasion would be akin to the British in Normandy: tying up the bulk of German forces before Caen despite being hardly able to budge while leaving the mobile Americans an opening in the west for a massive breakthrough (heck, even the geography was in perfect analogy!). It went so similar to history that it's almost scary... :D

-MZ

[DeepO]

We always leaned more to the pillage option. Not only the roads, but also cities. Aeson was very critical from the start on our plans of splitting the threat between Sando, Quanto, Abilene, and Tip... he thought 2 of the cities would be disbanded, 1 blocked, and the last one (Abilene) defended. He was kind of right, months in advance.

Once we landed, the same thing happened. We thought either Jackson or Dye fields was going to be disbanded. Which in itself was a good result, one major city down...

Stanwix might be a simple thing, it was totally unexpected. Which testifies for the brilliance of the move.

MZ, one remark: it was not so much the 6 lost infs and 6 damaged infs that did it, it was more a question of absorbing 12(?) defensive bombardments for you which turned the tide. And you were kind of unlucky in your attack, as the numeruous sims done by Aeson never failed, and he was taking enough margins in the difference between C3C and PTW. It was a very slim chance you could have failed if you were smart in which unit was used when.

DeepO

[vondrack]

Originally posted by DeepO
If we somehow could have taken 1 city (e.g. 2 or 3 turns down the road, in case the transport attack had failed), would drafting then be considered an option?
Maybe. It would depend on the WW situation. Keep in mind you had almost all luxuries in the world to combat WW. We had 1 of our own and 1 from ND. That's a LOT of happy faces missed... With gigantic battles taking place, WW would be (was) mounting up insanely fast. Getting to a point where we'd have to run 40%+ lux slider was very much like a total defeat... we'd be falling further behind tech-wise, only postponing the inevitable end.

Originally posted by DeepO
With no risk, we were going to die...
I'm far from certain on this. You controlled the sea between us, and if your ships would have healed our transport lanes would have been gone. Production didn't really matter on our side, as there was no way to get troops to Legoland (no airports). You were very close to achieving total sea superiority. So, the only production you were facing was GoW's (unless GWT decided to join in the 'fun', of course). GS had produced all it could throw at you.
OTOH, GoW was ruling the seas between us and Bob. With their carrier fleet, every turn of bombardment hurt so badly. With our economy mobilized, non-military buildings lost were irreplaceable. One turn of bombing runs against one of our best cities meant we pretty much lost it, even if still possessing it.

Originally posted by DeepO
As a lesson, I think this is one to learn. You seem to underestimate how important that chain really was.

[...snip...]

So a few intel subs was worth it, without any doubt.
I cannot agree here. What I call an "intel" sub was a submarine that made sure a certain area was free of your transports - thus a certain number of our coastal cities was safe and needed NO defense. Without this intel, we'd have had to defend even against potential threats. Your initial sneak attack deprived us of most of our navy in the Western Ocean - we barely had subs enough left to reform an "intel perimeter" allowing us to deploy defenses effectively.

We had no spare subs that could hunt for your chain out in the open sea.

But honestly, my initial remark was not meant seriously - hence the smilie... I was not complaining or anything. Without "being here", it's easy to say that had we done this or that, we might have achieved something else, perhaps not losing or losing later or... the fact is our strategy worked quite well (also thanks to that you did not think of the Stanwix trick) - until we forgot that no artillery landed one turn did not necessarily mean you could not bombard a turn later...

C'est la vie...

[Cort Haus]

Subs - handy little things once they're built, but not always very attractive in a build queue when stronger ADM units are available.

The small number we allowed ourselves before the war turned out to be useful, and once they were gone, Lego's subs lurked menacingly in the deep. Vondrack mentioned the intel value - a picket screen that the enemy cannot see to destroy can be worth a hundred infantry, and the knowledge that subs are out there forces every TR move to need DD cover, or risk a sinking.

[DeepO]

Originally posted by vondrack

Maybe. It would depend on the WW situation. Keep in mind you had almost all luxuries in the world to combat WW. We had 1 of our own and 1 from ND. That's a LOT of happy faces missed... With gigantic battles taking place, WW would be (was) mounting up insanely fast. Getting to a point where we'd have to run 40%+ lux slider was very much like a total defeat... we'd be falling further behind tech-wise, only postponing the inevitable end.
No... there is no WW in this game, only war-un-weariness. All you could lose was the bonus you were given when attacked. From the last investigations, I was already thinking your slider was very high, you could probably have kept it at that level if you drafted in all but the most happy-critical cities.


OTOH, GoW was ruling the seas between us and Bob. With their carrier fleet, every turn of bombardment hurt so badly. With our economy mobilized, non-military buildings lost were irreplaceable. One turn of bombing runs against one of our best cities meant we pretty much lost it, even if still possessing it.
That was a problem, yes. But you had no choice other than to deal with one problem at the time. And GoW had to spend all their bombers on 1 city per turn to get any result (meaning the factory and cath gone, which were the most critical buildings), which left you some time. You also knew we had no bombers, so the other side was safe.

I cannot agree here. What I call an "intel" sub was a submarine that made sure a certain area was free of your transports - thus a certain number of our coastal cities was safe and needed NO defense. Without this intel, we'd have had to defend even against potential threats. Your initial sneak attack deprived us of most of our navy in the Western Ocean - we barely had subs enough left to reform an "intel perimeter" allowing us to deploy defenses effectively.
Good point, and one I didn't fully consider. However, weren't all of our transports accounted for? You knew how many we had, you knew how many there had to be in the chain. There was no other transport around. Also, I think that in the turn before landing, you were in a position to attack our last hub with damaged BBs and DDs. I'm not perfectly certain if it would have kept us from chaining as we spotted this beforehand, and tried to counter it by moving a couple of extra transports in the open, it all depended on how your intel was in the region of the last hub.

We had no spare subs that could hunt for your chain out in the open sea. no need to hunt, there weren't many positions where they could have been, even if we did try to plant some misinformation by moving in separate groups. All you had to do was attack ;) You ended the game with over 1000 gold, if you would have spend half of that on 2 more ships on our side, it is very likely we were at this moment suing for peace. Okay, that may be a hindsight thing as well, but the consequence of leaving our chain untouched really is extreme. For all the brilliance in the rest of your moves, it's odd that you didn't see the importance of the chain. It gave us the flexibility we couldn't have gotten any other way.

But honestly, my initial remark was not meant seriously - hence the smilie... I was not complaining or anything. Without "being here", it's easy to say that had we done this or that, we might have achieved something else, perhaps not losing or losing later or... the fact is our strategy worked quite well (also thanks to that you did not think of the Stanwix trick) - until we forgot that no artillery landed one turn did not necessarily mean you could not bombard a turn later...
I didn't read it as a complaint, vondrack. It's just that I feel like we were "there" because of all the different possibilities we considered being the Lego's. That's why it is important for me to know your reasons: we are not going to learn anything from going over our own decisions again, without hearing your view on things. It is not my intention to make this painful for you, I only hope you are interested in seeing what really happened, just as I am.

DeepO

[vmxa1]

A lot of if's and mites, but no matter it was extremely well played by Lego IMO.

You had a lot coming for you with two large empires and RP kicking in some very much need gold. Not to mention these teams were made up of some very experienced players.

From my perspecive Lego came very close to saving the day. Every turn we were impressed by your tactics. In the end wars tend to come down to a break here or there and production.

Turns were intense and exciting and I am glad to have seen it, regardless of how it came out. So I want to thank T for inviting me to join way back when.

[Master Zen]

The Glory of News
All the News thats unfit to print

1305 AD


-----------------------------

BREAKING NEWS
Glitch hits Stormian Communications
Rumors of giant "Bug" attack unconfirmed


EYE OF THE STORM - First it was the telephones. Then it was television transmissions. In just a manner of minutes all communications with Stormia were suddenly lost in one of the strangest technological glitches in history. It all began when underwater cable stations began reporting malfunctions causing delays in telegram and telephone services between Stormia and the rest of the world but no sooner was this being reported when television and radio transmitions went off the air also. "I was calling my girlfriend at Elipolis when suddenly her voice faded and all I got was static" said Skulgaria resident Moot Soot. "See, that's what I get for going into long-distance relationships with catalog girls". But he was not the only one. Phone-sex and international dating are thriving industries in the Glory of War as young men are feeling more and more attracted to Arab, Spanish and Stormian women rather than the hairy bearded local stock. "This glitch could signal collapse for our industry" remarked Pooh Hefner, CEO of The Glory of Hustling, with communications with Stormia severed, who are we going to put on our cover next month, Belinda Bigfoot? Who's going to want to buy that!"

Causes of the glitch have caused a number of rumors to surface, the most fantastic of which is the one about a giant "Bug" rampaging through Stormian cities. Though unconfirmed, the giant "Bug" was mentioned on numerous occasions on Stormian radio and TV shortly before the glitch though it is unsure whether such reportings were part of the local news, or part of the Monster Movie Marathon Weekend on cable.


<img src=http://www.gamefreaks.net/defrag/crd/godzilla/mothra_3.jpg>

Oh My God! It's Tripzilla!


------------------------------

Museum of Natural History opens in Imperial City
Legoland Fauna Exhibition generates record crowds

IMPERIAL CITY - Streets were jammed and people flocked to the city center to be the first to attend the newly inagurated Museum of Natural History in Alliance Square. "I've been waiting months for this!" exclaimed Bubba Feet, "I came all the way from Irongard just to see it!". The Museum features a giant hall of the most impressive native animals found on the Legoland continent and which had hitherto been unknown to the rest of the world except through books and illustrations as well as first-person accounts from troops who saw these animals in the wild. The Glory of News obtained an exclusive interview with the curator of the museum, Dr. Ennet.

GoN: What is so special about Lego fauna?

E: Lego fauna is unique in the world. Millions of years before when the world was created the continents were all one big landmass. But geological change resulted in the separation of the Legoland continent and thus, the isolation of countless species there. On the other hand, the Bobian and Stormian continents were always closely linked which means that other than some strange cases - like stormchickens - the same fauna can be found throughout.

GoN: It seems Lego fauna come in all shapes and sizes

E: Yes, unlike our animals which are composed of cells, Lego animals are composed of blocks. This leads to some interesting variations and is highly versatile. For example, when one kind of block is scarce in nature, the species simply evolve by changing different blocks. The possibilities are limitless, in theory you can have an elephant turning into an intergalactic spaceship in a couple million years.

GoN: Any other pecularities you wish to mention?

E: Ah yes, Lego animals are interesting because their babies tend to be much larger than the adults.

GoN: Why is that?

E: DNA tests have shown us that their blocks are composed of "duplo", a much larger but clumsier block type. But after reaching 3 years and older they start using regular blocks. We suspect that the small blocks can be hazarardous to their health if accidentally injested.

GoN: On a related topic, do these findings shed new light on the endless debate between evolution and CIVXEDIT.EXEism? The CIVXEDIT.EXE fanatics insist that the world was created with the click of a mouse rather than after millions of years of evolution and geological change.

E: It's nonsense my friend, evolution was discovered and proven in Stormia years ago, the CIVXEDIT.EXEists' claims are no less ludicrous than the RNGists who claim our destiny is already written in the stars.


<img src=http://store1.yimg.com/I/yhst-95557112773151_1828_24862500>

Legoland animals on display at the Museum


------------------------------

Admiralty In Crisis!
GoW Navy runs out of awe-inspiring names for warships


TRAFALGAR - Over two centuries since the birth of the modern GoW Navy, the Admiralty has declared that it has officially run out of awe-inspiring names for its new warships. "We never expected to actually build all of these ships when the first master list was made" said Admiral of the Fleet Yamamotorola, "now, we're entirely devoid of ideas". The crisis began shortly after the Lego War began when names of deadly fish for the transports ran out. "Our first transports were named IWS Barracuda, IWS Thresher, etc. Our later ones had to be content with being christened the IWS Killer Goldfish and the IWS Rubber Duckie, just to name a few". The Admiralty believes that names affect the performance of ships though practice has disproven this on more than one occassion: the IWS Challanger was "challanged" by Lego ships and promptly sunk. And the IWS Executioner was likewise "executed" by the enemy off the coast of Jackson.

Neverthless the names of some of these ships have now been immortalized in naval lore, vessels like the IWS Thunderflare, the IWS Chimaera and the IWS Death's Hand performed admirably in combat, as the Admiralty would like to believe, thanks to the psycological edge given by a naming sistem which evokes images of power and might. But not all agree. "Our men are proud of the Rubber Duckie!" explained ship's Captain Kook "so what if our ship is named after a bathroom accessory, we still be goin' to kick some be-hind! Yee-haw motherf*ckers!"




The Glory of Tourism presents
Imperial City Restaurant Guide


First time in Imperial City? Have a taste of GoW in one of these fine establishments which cater to everyone's appetite and wallet.


Exclusive (20g+)

Bistro Farb - From Oklahoma roadkill al dente to marinated troll, Bistro Farb is the place to go for prime cuts.

El Roleplayero - Delicious Spanish cuisine served by unemployed former Roleplayers. Their specialty is the midget squid though service can be slow at times since they spend more time talking than they do cooking.

Midline (5-8g)

Hard Knock Café - Decorated with Luxian memorabilia it also doubles as a cocktail lounge. Try the "Bloody Trip" if you come.

Taco Zen - Owned by relatives of the Imperial family, this is Zenophobian cuisine at its best.

UnO's Bar & Grill - The only restaurant where the meat is always served raw and you get to keep the bones as a souvenir. Great for kids.

Budget (1-3g)

Arashi Fried Chicken - The world-famous Stormian fast-food chain serves cheap stormchicken sizzling with Col. Theseus' secret recipe

McDonegeald's - The burger chain that started it all. Don't let the allegations of industrial toxic waste stop you, these burgers are top notch.

Beta Hut - Refining his cooking skills while locked in a Voxian dungeon, Beta presents the finest pizzas at a great price.

[ZargonX]

no less ludicrous than the RNGists who claim our destiny is already written in the stars.

That depends on whether the Higher Powers decided to click on the little box at the time of Creation.

[Hot Mustard]

:lol: :lol: Another great edition!

[Cort Haus]

Admiralty In Crisis!
GoW Navy runs out of awe-inspiring names for warships


GoN readers may be interested to know that such was the desperation setting in at the Glory of Nomenclature Ministry (Naval Dept), that 'IWS Killer Goldfish' was actually named by the Stormian Ambassador (also your humble reporter) during chat with Emperor MZ early during the preparations for the Lego War. Apart from explaining the profound lack of GoW imagery in the name, this is particularly interesting because the Stormian nation had hardly named a single unit since Grog. This lack of experience is conspicuously evident in the name proposed.

[Cort Haus]

Great work again MZ, btw. You should pick up an award for all this stuff. :b:

[Rhothaerill]

Great! This one especially made me laugh. :lol:

Originally posted by Master Zen
Bistro Farb - From Oklahoma roadkill al dente to marinated troll, Bistro Farb is the place to go for prime cuts.

[DeepO]

Originally posted by Cort Haus
This lack of experience is conspicuously evident in the name proposed.
Hey, at least we named our cities... that in itself was a great achievement!

DeepO

[Master Zen]

Originally posted by Cort Haus

Admiralty In Crisis!
GoW Navy runs out of awe-inspiring names for warships


GoN readers may be interested to know that such was the desperation setting in at the Glory of Nomenclature Ministry (Naval Dept), that 'IWS Killer Goldfish' was actually named by the Stormian Ambassador (also your humble reporter) during chat with Emperor MZ early during the preparations for the Lego War. Apart from explaining the profound lack of GoW imagery in the name, this is particularly interesting because the Stormian nation had hardly named a single unit since Grog. This lack of experience is conspicuously evident in the name proposed.

Sooooo true! I didn't even think you'd remember :D

[Master Zen]

The Glory of News
All the News thats unfit to print

1310 AD


-----------------------------

BREAKING NEWS
Roleplay shares continent with GoW and ND Again
"Oh my f*cking God" offical Royal reaction


CLOUDBURST - At first it was all happyness and joy. The Gathering Storm had surprisingly gifted most of its colonial empire, the largest in the world, to its old ally Roleplay. "It was imperative that Roleplay recover its former glory so that it can be a full partner in the world community" explained ambassador Cort Haus. Roleplay officials were overwhelmed at the news "Happy times are here again, we are part of a major continent once more!" exhalted one headline among many. Citizens flocked to the streets amids massive reveling and many more embarked with their belongings on the many ships heading to colonize the new lands. "It's like starting anew" cried María Elena Carolina Sanchez Hernández de los Milagros, "Now I can raise my family without the constraints of our little territory on Stormia, we can actually have our own farm!"

The Spanish government immediately set up a Royal Colonial Authority, appointing a Viceroy to the newly aquired territories. Upon glancing on the new map of Legoland the Viceroy's heart froze. "Monterrey, we have a problem". It was the neighbors. Spain found itself surrounded by the Warmonger and Neu Demogyptican colonial empires, their former enemies from the Bobian war. King Togas explained in an exclusive GoN interview "We were duped. GS told us that we'd share the continent with themselves and with Vox, they never said anything about having GoW and ND as neighbors". Ambassador Cort Haus was quick to respond "Well, err, we might have ommitted a few teeny weeny details, but I mean, c'mon, Spain has a big empire now! So what if their two neighbors weren't entirely friendly with them in the past, times have changed".

Seeking to soothe their neighbor's worries, GoW Emperor Master Zen immediately approached the Spanish Viceroy with an offer of a Mutual Protection Pact in case the Demogyptican Colonial Army attacked either of them. The Spanish reply was simple: "F*uck you and your MPPs".




------------------------------

Ruins of Lux to be Reopened
City to be rebuilt and redestroyed

SKULGARIA - With thousands of people unhappy at the wanton clearing up of the Ruins of Lux by former Emperor Panzerius XXXII, work on reconstructing the ruins has begun. The decision to reconstruct what was left of the old Luxian capital was taken personally by Emperor MZ since "that stupid forest was so wussy looking". With the annual budget showing a settler surplus left over from various turns ago, and with no areas to settle either on Bob or on Legoland, the surplus labor can be used to rebuild the ruins in a matter of weeks. "Inefficient?" questioned Interior Consul Panzer32, "no way!, I mean, we spent half our history with only 2 workers, wasting a settler hardly tarnishes our reputation!". Moreso, the Parliamentary Comitte of Warmongerian Activities defined inefficiency as a distinct Warmongerian trait. "Perfectionism is sinonymous with Stormia and Legoland, we do not want to associate with such anti-Warmongerian behaviour".

A number of citizens have protested the effort saying that a reconstructed ruins did not have "the same historical value as the original". To that, Emperor MZ replied, "Once our Ministry of Truth gets in gear, nobody will ever remember there was ever a forest planted over the ruins. Wait, did I say forest? What forest? I don't remember any forest..."


------------------------------


The Glory of Statistics presents
Warmonger Almanac 1310 AD Edition


Geography

Highest Point: Master Zen's ego (10,000m)
Lowest Point: Master Zen's IQ after 7 vodkas (< 40)
Coldest Point: Master Zen's heart (-60°C)
Hottest Point: Inside Master Zen's royal pants (Close to boiling)


Military

Shortest War: GoW vs GS during the Voxian War (1 turn)
Longest War: GoW vs Lux (war is constantly re-declared when Slave Trip fails to work his shifts)
Biggest Military Machine: Death Star (under construction at Dreadnaughtica, 35,208 turns left)
Bloodiest Battle: We're not going there again...


Architecture

Tallest building: The Duplo World Trade Center in Legoland (destroyed after a suicide strike by the 69th Beared Lady Bomber Squadron during the Lego War)
Oldest Library: Sure as hell ain't in GoW
Largest Library: Stormian National Archive (500+ posts in a turnthread OMFG!!!)


Politics

Longest Running Monarch: King Togas of Spain (he's definitely on Botox...)
Most Obscure Head of State: The Stormian Exectuve (we still don't know if it's a President, Emperor, King, Primer Minister, or just the AI set on Deity)
Largest Number of Executives: Neu Demogyptica (Half of Germany seems to have played at least one turn)



Imperial City Colisseum
Scheduled Events


MON - Lions vs. Luxians (current score: Lions 3,981,111 - Luxians 0)
TUE - The Greatful Dead Live
WED - Celine Dion Live (Cancelled - Celine Dion shot and killed by Imperial Decree)
THU - The Phantom of the Nightclub (Starring MZ himself)
FRI - Farber Bros. Circus (With GhengisFarb as the Evil Clown)

[Rhothaerill]

:lol: :b:

[Theseus]

ROTFLMFAO :lol:

[Cort Haus]

Originally posted by Theseus
ROTFLMFAO :lol:

Me too. Chuffin' priceless, MZ. :b:

[Beta]

:lol: :b:

Keep it coming, kitten killer. ;)

[Cort Haus]

:drumming fingers:

Hungry GoN addicts eagerly await next installment ...

[Master Zen]

well, ever since the war's over I don't have that much material for a turn-ly edition, but I've got some ideas swirling in my head right now... :D

[Cort Haus]

Over? It's only just started!

[Rhothaerill]

Yeah, you can write about the new war between ND and Roleplay. I'm sure there is something in there that sparks your imagination. ;)

[Master Zen]

The Glory of News
All the News thats unfit to print

1325 AD


-----------------------------

BREAKING NEWS
Riots in Santa Barbara!
GoW Battleship causes city-wide rampage


SANTA BARBARA - It was a normal sunny spring morning in the Spanish city of Santa Barbara. Beachgoers were enjoying a typical splash in the crystaline waters when from afar, the large gray sillouhette of the IWS Executioner became visible. It then turned into a scene remniscient of the movie Jaws as thousands panicked and ran from the beach towards the city center. The cries could be heard everywhere: "¡Dios mio, son los hijos de puta warmongeros otra vez!!!" (Translation: OMG, it's those [expletive deleted] warmongers again!). The city center turned into chaos, shops were looted and burned as citizens armed themselves with basic necessities in case of invasion. GoN interviewed one such looted, Mr. Miguel Alejandro Esteban Hernández de la Fuente de los Milagros Yeah ese, we need those DVDs and televisions and stereos and stuff man, in case GoW invades or something man!. Asked exactly how DVDs would be used to stop a GoW invasion he replied Umm, we can like throw it at them ese, like ninja blades or something man!. Among other items looted were hairdryers, toaster ovens and even a Dance Dance Revolution arcade machine.

More chaos erupted when the looters stormed into the local zoo, letting lose a horde of wild bulls which stormed through the narrow streets of the city center. One death was reported when an unlucky citizen stepped on a banana peel while being chased by one such beast, dozens more were injured in the chase. Once Spaniard, whose name was too long to print commented: "It was exhilarating man!, I jumped over a wall just as the puto toro was about to stick its horn up my behind! We should make a tradition out of this!" Finally, a few individuals managed to lure the bulls into the city colisseum where they were killed by Spanish knights in very-flashy-yet-gay-looking tights in a fantastic spectacle which is rumored to turn into a professional sport now.

Offshore, we intervied the commander of the GoW battleship, Captain Crunch. "We had no plans to even get near the city, we're heading towards Port Isolation. When some of the crew saw the city in flames they congratulated me on such fine gunnery, it was a bit embarrassing to say that we didn't actually fire a shot".


<img src=http://i.esmas.com/image/0/000/003/594/pamplonada_N.jpg>

Arnelos and MrWIA run from the bulls. At right, WhiteBandit loses his balance.




------------------------------

GoW hits Lego refugee ship
"It's a miracle, we're immortal!" claims ZargonX

CAMULDONUM - A normal war exercise by Voxian and GoW warships turned to tragedy as GoW bombers "accidentally" hit a Lego refugee transport caught in the middle. Carrier-based bombers from the IWS Aggie were flying a routine practice run against the battleship VCS Wittlich City which in turn was testing its anti-air capabilities when the bombers mistook the Lego ship for the Voxian dreadnought at high altitude. Flight Lieutentant Crom Tuise explained to GoN that they had accidentally loaded the bombers with live explosives instead of dummies and that their radars accidentally confused the blip. "Well, we are proud that unlike the Bearded Ladies of the last war, this time our bombs did hit the target the first time around, must be a first". Despite the damage, the ship was not sunk, a true miracle some would say.

Conspiracy theorists have begun rumors that the attack was, in fact, a GoW plot to wipe out Lego permanently with news that their elusive leader, ZargonX, was on that ship. However, a new video of a bearded and haggard-looking ZargonX was released shortly after the attack. In the video, ZargonX accused the "Great Warmongerian Satan" of attacking innocent civilians and vowed to "crush the evil GoW-Stormian alliance, god willing". The ship's survival also prompted the renegade leader to claim "we are immortal, all your bombs and bullets cannot kill us!" To this day, the hunt for ZargonX continues by GoW troops in the mountains of Legoland to no avail.


<img src=http://www2.rnw.nl/assets/images/Osama_bin_Laden011007.jpg>

"Die Master Zen, die!"

------------------------------



A message to our faithful readers by the Editor


Dear GoN readers. It had come to our attention for many years that our many envious and spiteful enemies in the industry have continously branded our news service as "biased, partial, untruthful, fake, satiric, fetid-pile-of-bat-poo" among other unwarranted and utterly false labels. They have stated that our reports do not adjust to reality.

Recent events regarding the Roleplay-Neu Demogyptica crisis, however, have proved otherwise. In our landmark 1310 AD edition we warned of the impending doom regarding Roleplay's Legoland colonies. What our enemies have failed to address is not whether our news adjusts to reality, but that in fact REALITY ADJUSTS TO OUR REPORTS.

So to all rival publications, next time you brand The Glory of News as the most biased news service in existance, think again before dissing All the News That's Unfit to Print™ :p

[zerialienguru]

Nice :D :b:

[ZargonX]

I think that's the first time I've ever been compared to Bin Laden... not sure how I feel about that... :p

[Master Zen]

Originally posted by ZargonX
I think that's the first time I've ever been compared to Bin Laden... not sure how I feel about that... :p

It was either that or Saddam Hussein. :p

But we still have yet to find you hiding in a hole somewhere :D

(and fyi, comparing you to Osama would automatically compare me to Bush... an equally scary thought :scared: )

[Master Zen]

btw, just noticed it took over two months to pass from page 5 to page 6... :dizzy:

[Aeson]

Yes MZ, you're Bush. Shouldn't you be liberating an Arab country with help from a certain island nation about now? ;)

(Forget that ND is a Democracy already... concentrate on the WMD's and Oil!)

[Cort Haus]

Originally posted by Aeson
Yes MZ, you're Bush. Shouldn't you be liberating an Arab country with help from a certain island nation about now? ;)


:lol:

[Master Zen]

:lol: :lol: :lol: !!!!!!!!!

Hadn't really thought of it that way, of course GS would have to concede to being mere pawns in our schemes for world domination ;)

[Theseus]

I hadn't thought about it, but GS has acted quite the part of England in many ways. ;)

[Aeson]

Originally posted by Master Zen
Hadn't really thought of it that way, of course GS would have to concede to being mere pawns in our schemes for world domination ;)

I thought maybe we could be more like a Bishop or Knight than a Pawn. (We will not, under any circumstances, be the Queen!)

[Master Zen]

Rook sound ok? :cute:

[Master Zen]

The Glory of News
All the News thats unfit to print

1330 AD


-----------------------------

BREAKING NEWS
GoW reaches PTWDG final
Will play against winner of ND vs GS semifinal


IMPERIAL CITY - In what is considered a lucky draw, GoW avoided a tiring semifinal clash and received an instant bye to the PTWDG final where they will meet the winner of the Neu Demogyptica vs Gathering Storm semifinal currently underway. GoW coach Master Zen explained, "We were so tired after our Quarterfinal game against Lego, we're glad we have a breather before the big one". On the other side of the pond, GS coach Aeson was not as pleased. "We've played three straight games with no rest at all, but we are confident that we will emerge victorious". The titanic struggle between ND and GS is viewed as a classic match between offense and defense with no team having a clear overall edge. "It will be a great game" mentioned Vox coach Rhothaerill, "having these two teams in top form duke it out, I'm definitely bringing an extra-large bucket of popcorn to watch this one!".

The first round of the PTWDG championship saw Lux, Vox and Roleplay eliminated in some amazing matches and a number of unbelievable upsets. Lux's now-legendary defeat against ND was all the more humilliating since all of ND's goals were scored by Lux themselves. Likewise, GS was hard-pressed against Vox but ended up snatching a major victory out of the blue. And in what was perhaps the most memorable of matches, the simultaneous trashing of Roleplay by ND and GoW's underdog victory against GS paved the way for the second round of the championship though not all was good sportsmanship, as the GoW-GS game ended in massive stadium riots and fights in the pitch prompting many GS players to quit the tournament. But in a sign of unity, a combined GoW-GS team slid through and defeated the most feared team in the tournament, Legoland, in the Quarterfinals.

In other news, there are plans to get Vox and Roleplay to duke it out for an Honorable-Mention though there is still the pressing issue on which of the two stadiums the game will be played and whether either team has the means to travel all the way around the world to play. There is also talk about the final being played with the new and controversial Nuke Net-Buster™ ball which is still in its testing stage.


GS's DeepO makes an agressive sliding tackle against ND's zeri during the opening minutes of the semifinal

<img src=http://www.terra.com.mx/Galeria_de_fotos/images/9/016990.jpg>


------------------------------

Neu Demogyptica builds United Nations
First draft resolution declares Gathering Storm "illegal"

BORCEM - In what is likely to be a milestone for multilateral diplomacy, Demogyptican authorities completed the United Nations in the city Borcem, inviting delgations from all around the world to work together for peace, security, order and "the Demogyptican way of life". Delegates from all nations were quick to arrive and set up permanent missions in the city. Among the expected topics for discussion will be the issue of Roleplay's former Lego colonies, and of course, the current war between ND and GS. The opening ceremony, however, was mired with protests outside the UN Headquarters, mostly from Spanish and Stormian ex-pats protesting ND's less-than-stellar reputation for peace. "This is outrageous" said Spanish ex-pat José Miguel de Cervantes Nuñez Ferández Hernández Rodríguez, "the same country which invaded Roleplay twice now wants to act like they care about world peace!"

One of the first comittees to begin work was the Security Council. ND diplomats were quick to present an initial draft resolution titled "The Situation regarding The Gathering Storm". Among other points, the resolution called the Gathering Storm to be "illegal" and urged their immediate surrender and extermination. "This resolution had some heavy language" said GoW diplomat Hot_Enamel, "I mean, seriously, how can you call an entire nation 'illegal'?". While not expected to pass this resolution is seen as only the beginning in a series of equally-useless garbage that will be discussed in the near future.

GoN obtained an exclusive copy of the draft resolution which is presented as follows:

DRAFT RESOLUTION SC1
SPONSOR: Neu Demogyptica

- Noting with alarm GS's imperialist past and their intentions to settle on Bob at all costs,

- Concerned over the possibility of GS constructing weapons of mass destruction,

- Determined to finish what we started in the Bobian War,

1) Decides to declare the Gathering Storm illegal,

2) Reiterates our intentions to make all their base belong to us,

3) Urges our sissy-ass neighbors to the north to join us in this struggle,

4) Determines to capture Togas, King of Spain, and hang him from the minaret of the Neu Theben mosque



------------------------------



Other Headlines


The Capital (Page A1)
"Museum of Mismanagement opened, built with only two workers"

The Hinterland (A15)
"Livestock die in Isolationa, chupacabras or Trip likely suspects"

Foreign Affairs (B1)
"'Neutrality Prostitute' foreign policy deemed even too whoreish for GoW"

Culture (C1)
"'Lern to speik an spel' campaign opens in Tenebrae"

Fashion (C10)
"Electric shavers banned, declared 'un-Warmongerian' by Cultural Ministry"

People (D1)
"'GhengisFarb truly insane', new book claims"

[Theseus]

:lol:

"Neutrality prostitute"... is that 'round the world', and costs extra?

/me the ex-Marine with past duty in Manila and Okinawa *honestly* wants to know. :D

[Rhothaerill]

:lol:

Can't wait for that match against Spain. Vox has a couple of young, powerful forwards in snoopy369 and jon miller, the wily "shoot-em-up" halfback in Beta and the defensive minded fullback in Rhothaerill. Paired with Wittlich as the "nothing gets past him" goalie, I just don't see how Vox could ever lose to Spain. :D

[Master Zen]

Originally posted by Theseus
:lol:

"Neutrality prostitute"... is that 'round the world', and costs extra?

* Theseus the ex-Marine with past duty in Manila and Okinawa *honestly* wants to know. :D

"me love you long time" :p

[Theseus]

Originally posted by Master Zen
"me love you long time" :p

Ahhh... the essence of GoW diplomacy. :D

[Rhothaerill]

Originally posted by Theseus


Ahhh... the essence of GoW diplomacy. :D

Beware their bearded women...and GhengisFarb, though that's about the same thing.

:cute:

[Theseus]

Hmm... bearded women. :)

[Theseus]

Hmm... bearded WarChickens. :)

[Theseus]

Hmm...

/me is gettin' GS kinky. :D

[vmxa1]

Nice work MZ, I think it was Trip, such chupacabras are still unseen.

[Master Zen]

Originally posted by Theseus
Hmm...

* Theseus is gettin' GS kinky. :D

Hmm.... beared ex-Marine? :cute:

Wierd threesome you got there going, T ;)

[zerialienguru]

really good:lol: :lol: :b: :b:

[Master Zen]

The Glory of News
All the News thats unfit to print

1340 AD


-----------------------------

BREAKING NEWS
Gathering Storm adopts new language
1337 Speak officially replaces Old Stormian. w00t!


EYE OF THE STORM - The Stormian Parliament voted overwhelmingly in favor of replacing Old Stormian, the official language of the Gathering Storm for 5340 years with the new language which has swept the nation, called "1337 Speak" (Warmongerian translation: dleet dspeak). Its roots are traced to the invention of the Internet and the resulting cultural changes which have transformed Stormian culture because of it. During the last decade, it has been increasingly used by 13-year olds living in their parents basements, 20-somethings living in their parents basements and even 30-year olds also living in their parents basements. And with most youngsters rebelling against the traditional and strict spelling of the Old Stormian language, it was only natural that 1337 Speak would come to dominate thanks to its lax gramatical and ortographical structure. Our GoN correspondant went to Elipolis to see what the fuss was all about and logged into an actual Stormian chat room to see for himself.


GloryOfNews> Hello everyone
WellHung2> h1
SeXyChIcKeN> y0
WarChariot69> ^_^
GloryofNews> So, what's with this new Leet Speak?
WellHung2> it's 13375p34k n00b : p
GloryofNews> it's what?
WarChariot69> oMFg d00d iz li3k s000 l4m3!!111!!!
WellHung2> y34h sTfU n00b!11
GloryofNews> sorry, did I do something wrong?
WellHung2> LOL, 1 did \/\/17h y0 /\/\4/\/\4 LoL!11!!
WarChariot69> OMFG j00 607 m4d pWn3d!!1
SeXyChIcKeN> 13375p32k th1s 5h1zZ47 r0X !!!11!
WellHung2> s0 u h4v3 t3h pr0n??/?
WarChariot69> (o y o)
WellHung2> OmFg LoL!!1!
SeXyChIcKeN> o_O
WarChariot69> y0, SeXy, w4nn4 c|/b3r???


While most non-Stormians would cringe at having to learn a new language, the government has made steps to make 1337 Speak spread to all corners of the country. School textbooks are now printed in 1337 Speak and even a new constitution was recently unveiled by the Stormian Parliament. Among various new revisions, the constitution now starts with the line "W3 t3h 1337 h4x0rZ 0f t3h 647h3r33|\|6 57r0|\/|". At the United Nations, Stormian diplomats presented a draft resolution condeming Neu Demogyptica's aggression. The resolution included statementes that ND was going to "637 PWN3D" and that the Gathering Str0m was going to "r0x0r j00r b0X0rZ". It is not expected to pass for the simple reason that no other delegation was able to understand a word of what is written in it.

Editor's Note: As of now, there are no plans of introducing a 1337-version of T3h 610r|/ 0f |\|3\/\/z


------------------------------

War is Lame!
Analysts and Spectators agree


CAMULDONUM - It is official, the war is lame, say analysts, experts and spectators from the Dreadlands to the mountains of Voxtavia. Disappointed by the lack of mass aereal bombings, titanic land battles and flanking maneouvers, most people are now shunning the nightly news in favor of other non-war-related programming. "Back in the days of the Bobian War there were awsome tactical maneouvers, cities were razed, people were killed, babies were eaten, especially by GhengisFarb's Riders." said military analyst UnOrthOdoX of Camuldonum. "In the Lego War you had massive battles involving dozens of tank and infantry divisions". But now, we have wimpy attacks against defenseless Spanish infantry in lego, ships which were sunk with no warning, and incredibly lame bombing attacks against the countryside, whoopedy-friggin-doo.".

A survey was recently conducted in Zenophobia asking people what they wanted to see in the war. The results called for "more razed cities", "mass bombing raids", "battleship duels", "100+ unit invasions" and "GhengisFarb again". A number of extreme spectators have even called for a boycott of the evening news. "Here in GoW, fighting is our national pastime, when we're not at war we at least want to watch it on TV! War, fighting, hitting things on the head with blunt instruments, drop-kicking our neighbors, breaking passerby's noses with our elbows, shaving our wive's beards, those are the things that make our country strong and proud!". As a result of this extreme public pressure, the Glory of War and Vox have presented a draft resolution at the United Nations asking, among other things "for ND and GS to open up an even larger can of whoop-ass". It is expected to be vetoed by Roleplay since an increase in the level of ass-whooping would leave them bien jodidos.




------------------------------

Other Headlines


The Capital (Page A1)
"Master Zen to marry Queen Borg in lavish ceremony in the Imperial Palace"

The Hinterland (A15)
"Glowing 3-eyed French-speaking fish found in Killdaria after bomb test"

Foreign Affairs (B1)
"GoW ambassador calls for Lego to 'Die. C'mon man, please, just die'"

Culture (C1)
- No articles found -

Fashion (C10)
"Female GoW models protest against lack of representation in world runways"

People (D1)
"New book claims renegade Lego leader ZargonX is the antichrist"

[bongo]

1f y0u c4n r34d th1s y0u n33d t0 g3t l41d!!!!!!!!

:p

[DeepO]

:lol:

Can I just say that there is a certain faction in GS, which hopes that the Internet gets used not for the spreading of some strange, silly new language, but for its original goal: a decentralised computer network necessary to launch ICBMs even if half the country is in ruins?

Stop the 13375p34k cultural agression! Citizens of Hurricane, unite! Rise against your oppressor! :mad: :doitnow!:

DeepO

[Aeson]

Due to low ratings, the war has been cancelled. It was a difficult call to make, mainly because there is no phone in my parent's basement and I had to walk upstairs... and then back down again. Such are the horrors of war. :(

Some networks may still be showing reruns though.

[Theseus]

Originally posted by Aeson
Due to low ratings, the war has been cancelled. It was a difficult call to make, mainly because there is no phone in my parent's basement and I had to walk upstairs... and then back down again. Such are the horrors of war. :(


Oh, admit it Aeson... your mom came downstairs, waved her spatula, and said "STOP FIGHTING, YOU!! I DON'T CARE ABOUT WORLD DOMINATION... I WANT YOU TO BE A DERMATOLOGIST!!!"

:D

[Master Zen]

Originally posted by Theseus


Oh, admit it Aeson... your mom came downstairs, waved her spatula, and said "STOP FIGHTING, YOU!! I DON'T CARE ABOUT WORLD DOMINATION... I WANT YOU TO BE A DERMATOLOGIST!!!"

:D
http://forums.mzocentral.net/html/emoticons/rotfl.gif

Maybe you can explain now why I've gotten so many zits ever since I married Queen Borg of Skulgaria :D

[Aeson]

Google only reports 2 other instances of the combination of dermatologist, spatula, and world domination on the net. The scary thing is Theseus did it in one paragraph. Terry Oglesby took 4 days of blog entries, and Susan Jones-Anderson needed 3 days of forum posting.

Impressive!

[Cort Haus]

Originally posted by Aeson
Google only reports 2 other instances of the combination of dermatologist, spatula, and world domination on the net. The scary thing is Theseus did it in one paragraph. Terry Oglesby took 4 days of blog entries, and Susan Jones-Anderson needed 3 days of forum posting.

Impressive!

:lol::lol:

[Theseus]

:D

[Beta]

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Aeson, best laugh I have had in awhile.

MZ - loved the soccer commentary, being a Fulham fan (yes, I am hurting this season).

Just disappointed there is not another way to the finals....:(

[Master Zen]

Sadly there's nothing funny about the current situation in the game (and I don't want to hurt sensitivities like what happened during the Lego war), but I do have one or two ideas for another edition that I might dare to post around tonight or tomorrow...

[Master Zen]

The Glory of News
All the News thats unfit to print

1350 AD


-----------------------------

BREAKING NEWS
GoW and ND engaged!
Ceremony to take place at the United Nations


IMPERIAL CITY, GoW - The unthinkable occured a few days ago with the surprise announcement of a union between the Glory of War and Neu Demogyptica. Calling this new entity The Neu Glory of Demogypticwar (NGoDw), plans have made to formally unite the two Bobian superpowers into one single political entity over the course of the next years. "This is unprecedented" said GoW senator Donegeal, "now we not only have to bear MZ's crappy leadership, but ND's also". On the other side of the hills, the reaction from the Holy Islamic Council was similar "We renounced our sovereignty" said Zerialienguru "and all we get are ugly beared women". Depsite these misgivings, both sides maintain that a union is the best solution to emerge victorious in the war that is currently being waged against the Gathering Storm and Roleplay.

At the request of the editor, the text of this union was made public by the Imperial Palace:


PREUNION AGREEMENT

I. We, the undersigned, The Glory of War, ally-to-be, hereby obligate ourselves to support our ally-to-be, Neu Demogyptica, in the manner of military allies who assist and support their comrades loyally. If, Allah forbid, we do not continue continental residence together for whatever reason, then we now obligate ourselves to pay them 100 gold per turn, for maintenance and rushes from the day we no longer continue continental residence together, and for the duration of our union. However, this obligation to provide maintenance and rushes shall terminate if our ally refuses to appear upon due notice before the United Nations for purpose of a hearing concerning any outstanding disputes between us, or in the event that they fail to abide by the decision or recommendation of such organization.

II. We execute this document as an inducement to the union between ourselves and our ally-to-be. The obligations and conditions contained herein are executed according to all legal requirements. We acknowledge that we have effected the above obligation by means of a United Nations resolution.

III. We enter into this obligation to provide for the status, ownership, and division of territory between us, including future territory owned or to be conquered by either or both of us.

V. We agree and affirm the following

a. That we executed the agreement voluntarily (internal arm-twisting by MZ and Darekill notwithstanding);

b. That this agreement was not unconscionable when it was executed (ok, only just a wee bit);

c. That we were provided prior to the execution of the Agreement a fair and reasonable disclosure of the territory, financial obligations and F11 data of the other with no altered screenshots.

IV. We, the undersigned ally-to-be, acknowledge the acceptance of this obligation by my other ally-to-be, and in partial reliance on it agree to enter into our forthcoming union.

In witness of all of the above, GoW and ND have entered into this agreement in the City of Killdaria.


The ceremony of union shall take place at the United Nations and access is via invitation only. Formal attire is required.


<img src=http://imagescommerce.bcentral.com/merchantfiles/4929000/wedding%20cake%20top1.jpg>

World still wonders who'll be the bi tch, and who'll be the butch



------------------------------

Diplomatic Crisis
GoW and GS enemies and allies at the same time


BORCUM, ND - A diplomatic crisis has arisen from GoW's surprising alliance with ND as it has turned the foreign situation between GoW and GS into confusion. The root of the problem is the ongoing alliance between GoW and GS against as-yet-not-destroyed Legoland, which co-exists with the state of war which presently hangs over both nations in the Great Stormian War. "We are rather confused" says Voxian diplomat Beta. "On one hand, we do not know whether to treat GoW and GS as allies, or as enemies. It is difficult when on one hand they are bombing each other to bits while on the other they both have the same vested interest in erradicating Lego".

Yesterday's General Assembly session reflected the diplomatic chaos:

Hot_Enamel: We vow to erradicate the Gathering Storm once and for all!
Cort Haus: Your bombing of Winds of Change shall not go unpunished treacherous scum!
Hot_Enamel: Oh btw, We found out where Lego is hiding
Cort Haus: Really, where?
Hot_Enamel: North of The Hive, we sent some tanks to fight them
Cort Haus: Good, we'll try an divert a destroyer up north too
Hot_Enamel: Where were we? Oh yes, we'll raze your cities to the ground, all of them!
Cort Haus: We'll make you pay for every square foot in blood!
Hot_Enamel: We'll raze them, oh yes we will!
Cort Haus: Oh no you won't!
Hot_Enamel: Oh yes we will!
Cort Haus: Oh no you won't!
Hot_Enamel: Oh yes we will!
Cort Haus: Oh yes we will!
Hot_Enamel: Oh no you won't!
Cort_Haus: *snicker*
Hot_Enamel: Dammit...


It is unknown how long the dual war/alliance situation will last. In windows throught GoW, Arab flags are now being flown aside Stormian flags left since the Lego War. "Umm, I'm not sure if I should take it down" said a Trafalgar resident, "I'll just put both up and hope they don't start beating each other up". In the meantime, similar diplomatic exchanges will be the order of the day at the United Nations.



------------------------------

Other Headlines


The Capital (Page A1)
"Master Zen all week in nuclear bunker with 4 bottles of tequila, S&M porn magazines and mini-golf set"

The Hinterland (A15)
"Glowing 3-eyed French-speaking fish voted mayor of Killdaria"

Foreign Affairs (B1)
"GS declares war on Spain after GoW invasion: 'Our boyz just can't fight' says GS leader Aeson"

Culture (C1)
- Section cancelled -

Fashion (C10)
"Borg Queen of Skulgaria gets cyber-breast implants at the request of Master Zen"

Science (D1)
"Scientific community wonders when GoW will use technology for peaceful purposes"

[Tiberius]

Originally posted by Master Zen

Hot_Enamel: We'll raze them, oh yes we will!
Cort Haus: Oh no you won't!
Hot_Enamel: Oh yes we will!
Cort Haus: Oh no you won't!
Hot_Enamel: Oh yes we will!
Cort Haus: Oh yes we will!
Hot_Enamel: Oh no you won't!
Cort_Enamel: *snicker*
Hot_Enamel: Dammit...[/i]




Who's Cort_Enamel? :cute:

Oh weel, still better than Hot Haus :D

[Rhothaerill]

Originally posted by Tiberius



Who's Cort_Enamel? :cute:

Oh weel, still better than Hot Haus :D

:lol: Heh I missed that at first.

[Master Zen]

Edited :rant:

[Krill]

I thought that was intended? The assimilation of GS into GoW, just like your wife intended, MZ...

[Master Zen]

One thing is assimilation, one thing is having Cort_Enamels, Master O's, AesOrthOdOxes, Krill32s, and Doneseuses. ;)

[Darekill]

Not to mention DaRhothaerillekills....

[Hot_Enamel]

:lol:

[notyoueither]

notzeneither?

[notyoueither]

notzeneither says:
I'd like to buy the world a home and furnish it with love,

Grow apple trees and honey bees, and snow white turtle doves.

I'd like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony,

I'd like to buy the world a Coke and keep it company.

[Rhothaerill]

Originally posted by notyoueither
notzeneither says:
I'd like to buy the world a home and furnish it with love,

Grow apple trees and honey bees, and snow white turtle doves.

I'd like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony,

I'd like to buy the world a Coke and keep it company.

Hey that's one of our city names. :mad:

Well sort of since I had to shorten and slightly change it to make it fit. :D

[Master Zen]

Ok I admit it, I DID steal your location nye, but only because it was a humorous take on that first-of-a-kind ISDG election. I guess being the emperor of naughty has suited me well since then.

But still, notzeneither? I'd be the last to quote a poem like that... :lol:

[notyoueither]

So would I. Maybe two negatives cancel each other out.

[Master Zen]

The Glory of News
All the News thats unfit to print

1360 AD


-----------------------------

BREAKING NEWS
Vox returns to Estonia
"Smells funny" say new Voxian residents


THE VOICE, ESTONIA - In an uncharaceristic show of goodwill and benevolence, The Glory of War ceded control of most of Estonia back to their ancient owners, Vox Controli, after conquering the subcontinent in 1345. "We felt it was a moral obligation for us" said GoW senator Donegeal, "over a thousand years ago we watched helplessly as Vox had to flee halfway around the world, in the minds of most GoWers, we felt we had a sacred duty to bring them back one day". That day came and a modest but moving ceremony witnessed the arrival of the first group of Voxian colonists while GoW troops handed control of major government instalations to the new Voxian civilian authorities. Vox is now in control of all of Estonia except for the port of Santa Barbara and the Elipolis canal, both of which remain under GoW sovereignty but will be handed back once the present war is over and all Spanish dissidents are nerve-stapled.

But all was not happy with the arrival of the colonists as many complained of the "strange new smell" of their old cities. Descendants of Voxian hero, HarryH, were quick to repopulate the city of Harry's Hideout. "This the place our great-great-great-great-great grandpappy used to live" said Harry Jr. Jr. Jr. Jr. Jr. Jr. Jr. "It used to smell like incense and had pictures of Persian belly dancers on the walls. Now it smells like squid and midget farts and there's a picture of Penelope Cruz instead". Similar complaints could be heard elsewhere as more people became aware of the smell of bull poo, squid guts and paella leftovers which permeate most of the cities. "I think it's going to take some time before it starts to smell like us again" said Harry Jr^3. "But I won't complain. We have our family's house again and it even comes with an undetonated Cruise Missile with the inscription 'to MrWIA with love' as a garden sculpture".



------------------------------

GoW celebrates 1000-year anniversary of Great Bobian War battle
Battle of Pamplona Forest turned the tide of the war decisively


IMPERIAL CITY - GoW marked the 1,000th anniversary of the Second Battle of Pamplona Forest with a rousing military parade across the Great Mall of such lavish scale which has only been since the V-B and V-L Day celebrations in 410 AD and 1275 AD respectively. The battle marked the turning point in the war in which a GS army was destroyed by an Ansar/Rider force just south of Pamplona. Over a million people flocked to the Great Mall and crowded the roofs of buildings to witness the parade which featured a stunning display of the might of the GoW Army as well as a historic tribute to the legendary Rider troops which formed the backbone of the Army during the war. Also in parade were ND troops and historical Ansar regiments which marched side-by side with GoW Riders across the Mall and past great monuments like the Arc of Aggie, the Panzerturm, and the Victory Gate ending with a rousing tribute in the war cemetaries in Enamel Park. Unsurprisingly, despite being allies during the Great Bobian War, no Lego reperesentatives were present. "We told them that we'd invite them if they disbanded their capital afterwards" said GoW diplomat Hot_Enamel. "They said no. In response we're beaming the parade via pirate satellite to their city to show them what they're missing". In an entirely unrelated event, a Full House re-run marathon had over four times the rating of the GoW parade according to Legoland TV.

The parade also served as occasion for a major national surprise: the first public playing of the Official GoW National Anthem. Written by Field Marshal UnOrthOdOx and his Rider Regiment in campaign overseas, the anthem began as a popular battle hymn sang by the troops.

Battle Hymn of the Empire

Mine eyes have seen the glory
Of the coming of the War
They are trampling out the Spanish
Where the squid were ate before
They hath loosed the fateful lightning
Of the Riders seeking gore
Glory of War is marching on

Glory, Glory, Hallelujah!
Glory, Glory, Hallelujah!
Glory, Glory, Hallelujah!
Glory of War is marching on

In the isle of the Legos
They took the fight across the sea
With a swiftness and a fury
That did change the world to be
As the smoke was barely clearing
They let loose the nukes with glee
Glory of War is marching on

[Chorus]

In the keeping of their promise
to let the Voxians be free
They have returned them to their
homeland where they should rightly be
Then sweep on through Stormia
with their eternal friends ND
Glory of War is Marching on


Glory of Photos

GoW Navy sailors during the Great Bobian War Parade showing their unrivaled masculinity and heterosexualness.

[Hot_Enamel]

:lol:

[ZargonX]

In the isle of the Legos
They took the fight across the sea
With a swiftness and a fury
That did change the world to be
As the smoke was barely clearing
They let loose the nukes with glee
Glory of War is marching on

You know, not to be critical, but GS really did most of the work on Lego :p

[UnOrthOdOx]

Hey, no criticising the all of 5 minutes I put into that.

[Master Zen]

Originally posted by ZargonX


You know, not to be critical, but GS really did most of the work on Lego :p

Fort Stanwix ring a bell? :cute:

And had GoW not landed in the east, you would not have had to split your defense, hence GS would not have broken through. ;)

Last but not least, had the invasion failed on both sides, it'd have been our carriers bombing your cities to the stone age. :p

[DeepO]

Originally posted by Master Zen
Fort Stanwix ring a bell? :cute:
Ehh... MZ, that was Lego's brilliant tactical move, not yours :p

Last but not least, had the invasion failed on both sides, it'd have been our carriers bombing your cities to the stone age. :p
Oh, but I agree. You're a far better pillager than we are. But the past few years, we're learning fast how to do it properly

DeepO

[Master Zen]

Originally posted by DeepO

Ehh... MZ, that was Lego's brilliant tactical move, not yours :p


The brilliance was all theirs.


But breaking that deadlock was the result of the courage and sacrifice of the brave men and beared women who fell on the mud and trenches of Stanwix


With a little help of our friends of course :cute:


Oh, but I agree. You're a far better pillager than we are. But the past few years, we're learning fast how to do it properly
DeepO

A little too fast I'd say. You've razed cities we were still 2 turns or more from threatening :p

[Krill]

A little too fast I'd say. You've razed cities we were still 2 turns or more from threatening :p

No, it's just that you have not planned your offensive well enough. :p

[Master Zen]

Well if you hadn't razed Dissidentville the offensive would've been all but over by now... :p

[Rhothaerill]

Whoops, wrong thread. :(

[conmcb25]

Which thread is this???

[Master Zen]

The Glory of News
All the News thats unfit to print

1365 AD


-----------------------------

BREAKING NEWS
GoW economy de-mobilized
Toilet Paper now on sale for the first time in over 300 years


IMPERIAL CITY - With the last Lego and Spanish redoubts captured by the GoW Army, an Imperial decree allowed the economy to return to peaceful civilian production after over 300 years of war production. "It is great! I can now buy a new toothbrush!" cheered Trafalgar resident Martha Sagtit "the old one was so worn out I was brushing with the handle". The malls and supermarkets across the empire were filled to the brim with shoppers buying everything from toilet paper to boxer shorts and car parts. "I was sick of hearing the Imperial March CD" said one youngster from Killdaria "now I can get the new Ashlee Simpson album and be the coolest kid on the block!"

Though it is unknown whether the new civilian production is merely a temporary affair, GoWers have been encouraged to stock up on all essential items in case rationing is re-introduced without notice, making armor-piercing shells replace stereo systems and wire-guided torpedoes take the place of kitchen stoves in most retail outlets. "I am definitely not taking any chances" said a Resolute housewife "I'm going to be stocking up on all my essentials today". When asked what those essentials were, she replied "three cans of shaving cream, six razors, two bottles of industrial-strenght Nair, and a liter-size bottle of wax. And that's just for my right leg!".


After a 300 year absence, Pokemon toilet paper is back on sale!

<img src=http://www.bobagirl.com/anime/misc/pokemon-toilet-detail.jpg>


------------------------------

GoW loses Universal Warmonger Club™ license
Building SETI was too "builder-ish"


IMPERIAL CITY - The Glory of War lost their Universal Warmonger Club™ license for an unspecified duration due to Emperor MZ's decision to use their first Great Leader ever to stimulate the construction of the SETI Program instead of using it for what every red-blooded rare meat-eating baby seal-clubbing warmonger would do: build an Army. The Universal Warmonger Club is an intergalactic non-profit assosiation which promotes the sadistic domination of others by brutal deadly force. Associates include Spartan Federation, the Mongol Empire, the Klingon race, the Galactic Empire and the administration of George W. Bush.

Leaders of the UWC expressed their profound outrage at the GoW Emperor's decision in a series of interviews with the GoN staff. "He had so much potential" said Genghis Khan, "to squander it on a wussy wonder made me think otherwise. Emperor Palpatine remarked "he was so close to achieving the full powers of the Dark Side, I am quite disappointed". Spartan leader Corazón Santiago mentioned "he really duped the UWC, though I admit there was previous evidence of his peaceful ways, I mean 800 years of peace before the Lego War seemed rather suspicious". Last but no less forgiving was the current President of the United States: "I taught him all he knows: to disregard international treaties, to invade weaker, defenseless nations with lame excuses. He is a disgrace to militarism everywhere".

It is unknown whether the UWC will re-admit GoW back into their ranks. If such a thing would happen it is said that a massive show of warmongerism, like nuclear-backstabbing ND or genocidically erradicating Vox, would be necessary pre-conditions.



Glory of Polls


Q: During the war economy's toilet paper rationing, how did you wipe your ass?

52% - With The Glory of News™
26% - With leftover "Lego: Surrender Now!" propaganda
12% - With posters of Master Zen
7% - With Imperial Tax Forms
3% - With my wife's beard

[Theseus]

:lol:

I can attest: I made out with Martha during a secret cross-border bachelor party, and I knew something was wrong! I was totally focused on the hairbrush problem, and didn't consider the TOOTHBRUSHES. ;) Thank the gods I was drunk as a storm skunk (which is very drunk and very smelly indeed). On the other hand, she did this thing... :D

[Master Zen]

You'd needed to have been storm skunk drunk to make out with someone called Martha Sagtit. :lol: