Listen, historians. This is the tale of Feanor the Great, eternal ruler of the High Elves of the West.

(As a matter of fact, I used a self-made map of middle-earth which was quite huge. I chose 7 civilizations but there popped up only 5 which I don't quite understand, but there we are. Playing random starting locations, I found myself somewhere west of Isengart, a long way south of Elronds Place/ the Hobbit Lands - what are they called in english again?)

Well, there were lots of grasslands around so my Elves could spread fast and easily. My central city, Valindas, was quickly founded, a few settlers started to explore the area and to irrigate the surroundings and then I met the first potential enemy: the persians (please forgive me I haven't used more customized Civilizations). They were located east of me. We made peace since we both were too young to become a threat to each other - any war would have destroyed either civilization -, sent caravans as quick as we could to make money and that's it.

Both civilisations grew fast. In the meantime I noticed the other players: the Aztecs were only a few steps south of me, but very well behaved so we made peace too, the English east of the White mountains, around Amon Hen (where I placed a city a while later); and the Japanese right away in Isengart, where they built their first city exactly where Isengart is located in the Lord of the Rings. Me (the elves) put their cities whereever there was enough space, completely ignoring there were other players as well. What? The english cover this area? Ok, let's go on a few miles more and settle down there. Finally the map had around 20 white dots (my cities) everywhere, surrounding every other nation. We had a global peace - well the english were pesky and tried to attack me now and then, but I teached them a short lesson and from then on they behaved very well. The Elves were allied to the Persians and the Aztecs and in peace with the English.

Alas, the persians thought Kyoto (the japanese capital) to be too close to their own capital so they crushed the japanese in no time. No problem for me since I haven't even talked to the Japanese before.

Problem was, by sweeping the Japanese there came a new civilization up just behind my uncovered back.

The babylonians, far behind the leading two players (Persian and me), came walking along the road with a small crappy militia unit, showing their swords and demanding tribute, completely ignoring they were no more than a fly to be squeezed by an elephant. Well I said "No! And now get off and try to learn about the alphabet yourself!" and after on small legion of Babylonians were shot by my muskateers, I thought they'd retreat and shut their mouthes.

Oh heck. They didn't. They came back again and again, using all of their resources to knock on my door - to attack me, what they might have called it.

I got angry. This game was supposed to be fun! I quickly sent out some fighter planes (new invention, boys and girls... watch out! There are flying demons above!) and zapped a few Babylonian settlers crawling around the mud northwest of me. Oops! Wrong idea.

The babylonians, of course, had allied with the persians in the meanwhile (my own ally dropped, but we were still at peace) and after I killed a few of their armys they ran to Xerxes, ruler of the Persians, and begun to cry about these evil Elves... Suddenly I found myself at war with persia AND the Babylonians AND the english (they had an alliance with the Persians, too, and signed a "F**k the Elves" treat as soon as Xerxes decided to attack his old brother Feanor).

Ok I took one Persian city, and one english. Very quick both leaders came to me begging for peace - Xerxes first. I said "Ok, and watch out the next time." Then Henry MCLVIII came to me and offered peace. When I said yes, he added "But I will always remember what you did to the Persians!".

What? What was that again???

Yes, you heard right. After I had taken one Persian city my reputation was on the bottom of a trashcan. No one wanted to ally with me anymore (except for the Aztects who always helped me) and quickly I decided that this would be the right time to set things right. But first: We need airports. Middle-Earth is too big to travel even by train.

There we are today. The war has not yet begun. English, Persians and Babylonians have allied against the Aztecs and me. Of course, they will lose. I am everywhere. I can send my armies - and tons of them - whereever I want to as fast as I want to. First I will eliminate Babylon and wipe them off the map just because they started all this. Then I will go on with England - London is mine now anyway - and free the country from their obsolete civilization. And then, when I have conquered all of my neighbors - except for the Aztecs, which I love - it will be time for Persia to fall. I can barely wait.

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Stefan Cords
stefan.cords@gecits-eu.com